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Hi. I adopted 2 girls from mum with moderate learning disability and dad with mild LD. I am out at the moment but will send you a private message later x

I have adopted two children whose BM had moderate learning difficulties. BF didn’t have learning difficulties as far as I’m aware Both my children were adopted as babies (under 6 months the) and both have inherited some Learning difficulties. My ad (who is 11) has an IQ of around 70-80 . She is about 3 years behind academically- so at 11 has a reading age of 8. My as is younger (6) but he is already behind at school and probably will have a similar profile. If anything he struggles a little more academically than his sister, but socially and emotionally he is more mature than her, and is less anxious. My ad also has adhd and is a very anxious child. She attends a small specialist school as she needs that extra care and nurture. My son is on mainstream school, and I think will be ok to stay there, as he does t have my ad’s anxiety. Both children are really lovely. They are very loving and want to please and try really hard at school. They are making progress at their own speed. They are very kind and have friends. Neither will go to university. But I think that both will be independent and hopefully will hold down jobs. My ad wants to work with animals. My as (who is probably the less academically able of the two) will definitely be ok in life as he’s sensible and wants to do well. I worry more about my ad because of her anxiety (not because of her learning difficulties). If you met them by the way, socially, you wouldn’t guess that they have learning difficulties. Would be worth too asking what their birth parents IQ is - is how severe? I think my children’s IQ was probably similar to theirs - maybe around 70. You are right to also ask about their siblings. My children are 2 or a larger group of siblings and all of them struggle academically- there’s definitely something genetic in the family Hope that helps xx

Ps sorry not sure where the devil icon came from in my post!

I posted and lost it - so will try again. Both mine have IQs of 73 - my AD also has severe ADHD and had a non-accidental head injury as a baby and suffered a lot more trauma - whereas my AS was taken into care at birth. I don't know whether my AD will be able to work or live independently but she should be able to do voluntary work at least - she went to a special school for MLD pupils - my son should be able to manage both and is coaching in a particular sport at the moment. 73 is above the cut off for adult social care but other services are (and hopefully some still will be) involved with AD at the moment. BM I think from what I read had learning difficulties and mental health difficulties and I suspect BF has ADHD though not diagnosed. They were both lovely children and have made great progress and done well in lots of ways. The baby seems inquisitive which is a good sign. It is hereditable to a great extent but I remember when I was at uni being told there is a tendency towards the mean with the statistics of inheritance - meaning that those whose low IQs will tend to have kids with slightly higher and those with high IQs will tend to have kids with slightly lower (don't know if that still holds though) Asking about the sibs is a very good idea too

I read up on this when we were going through matching for our first. IQ is 80% heritable.

My daughter went to a mld school and there were plenty of children there from families where this one child had a mld. And there were others who came from a long line of family members who had attended the school - but some of these families also had children in mainstream and even at uni. Its very difficult to predict.

We wanted ours to have normal intelligence and avoided all profiles where learning difficulties were mentioned, as we didn't want to take the risk. Not saying that's right for everyone, of course. Both ours (from different families) did turn out to be of normal intelligence, though one has struggled with academic learning due to ADHD. Both will be able to lead independent lives and hold down jobs (though the one with ADHD will probably need to work towards the latter for emotional / social reasons).

Thanks everyone for your comments. They’ve definitely helped a lot! I guess it’s just a case of waiting for the child’s CPR and also considering deeply whether this is really what we want. It’s so frustrating knowing that she’s out there but we can’t even see a picture of her or learn any more about her for another month. :-( I guess as always patience is the key though xx

I think the big thing here is what sort of difficulties you want to deal with.....most adopted children will have issues of one sort of another, either from their genes, in utero experiences or early life stuff....few will be issue free.... With hindsight (and probably not what I would have thought when I was at your stage), LD are probably easier than other issues such as Reactive Attachment Disorder or Foetal Alcohol Syndrome….but for all these diagnoses there is a spectrum and each child will present differently....and what you can deal with is quite individual too. Am sure you will make the right choice for you xx

I agree with Bop. My child with (just) learning difficulties is an absolute delight and very easy to parent. He is very loving, charming and kind, and has enormous empathy for others. My other child is more complex, because she has adhd and anxiety in addition to her LD. But she too is lovely They are very straightforward in some ways. I think their LD s are a protective factor as they are not overly worried about their past/ adoption etc. They are very accepting. But obviously there is a spectrum of LD and you need to be very very honest with yourselves and decide what you could happily cope with. My friends’ Children are all getting their eleven plus results. This is a world apart from where we are. But this does not bother me at all and I actually find it quite refreshing not to be involved with all that! But on the flip side I have to spend a lot of time advocating for my children, getting them the right support at school, applying for ehcps, looking for a specialist school etc etc Good luck in your decision. It is good that you have time to think about this all rationally and do lots of reading and research Xx

Hi we adopted a 7 month old with family history of LD's. 5 months when we first heard about her. She has had developmental delay - great eye contact and interaction as a baby but physically delayed and has gone on to show complex speech and language issues, anxiety and specific LD's. Also ticks many boxes for ASD. The siblings are varied - older ones seem more able but younger definitely showing greater issues. She is so loving and affectionate and we adore her - but she is definitely complex and her future needs are still unknown. If you take on a baby who responds to you, then you WILL fall in love! Then whatever needs your wonderful daughter develops later on will be just part of who she is and you will adapt. If you are open minded and know you can be flexible then I don't think you should worry too much. There are much more complex children out there than genetic LD's and you may not ever have the opportunity to take a baby so young. Do your research and check out alcohol consumption, mental health history, parental age etc but on the LD history alone I wouldn't be put off. (We said no to LD's in our initial criteria!!! - how naive we were and how wrong too). If you are open to loving a child who makes eye contact and gives love back to you then the future is not something to think about now. Adoption is a journey and where you end up is often a far cry from where you begin, thank fully.

Ps when we brought our AD home, it stopped being about 'our' needs and started being about hers. Loving a child changes your perspective - no more box ticking or list checking. Just a real little person, totally dependent on you who you realise you will do anything for - forever - no matter what x