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Help need a moan !
tab
July 22, 2009 18:58
Am feeling rather sorry for myself and am starting to feel as though i will never be a mummy. Know it has only been just over 5 months since approval, but we''re already in late July and i am beginning to panic that i will spend another xmas without my littlie(s)Decided to be a bit proactive and have spoke to the adoption register people, even they suggested it can be harder for singlies to be matched, but my profile has been sent out to several sws. My own sw just tells me that none of the children they have are suitable. This i really struggle with as have a wide age range and live in an innercity area where they are always shouting out for homes for children.Maybe its just me am really beginning to doubt myself. Doesnt help because although you get told not to put life on hold you have to as a singlie, got asked out on a date cant do that what would sw say?Just missed out in two weekends away with friends in Sept didnt want to book in case lost the money ever penny counts when you have a big mortgage and plan on becoming a single parent.Anyway am probably fed up cos have had D and v and feeling rather S****y! Thanks for listening just needed to tell someone who understood. Love Tab
Shes like the wind
July 22, 2009 19:07
1..dont worry stop doubting2. it took us 3 years not wanting to depress you -worth the wait (well mainly!)looking at it BT was born as we started the process and then went into care at the same time we approved......so hows that for matching!!3. We sent flyers to other agencies about ourselves and got several hits.4.Also dont put things on hold enjoy hols as it is better happy and refreshed than sad and depressed!No regrets and if a child came up then they would wait for you -one or two weeks is nothing in relation to rest of life..
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Colliecross
July 22, 2009 19:13
Oh my friend tab... sending you a big (((HUG)))I know you're finding this waiting hard.Your children are out there and things happen for a reason- very easy for me to say I know.Will PM you in a bit- just sorting doglets out- love CC
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Fluffy Cat
July 22, 2009 19:14
Hugs to you. Be pro-active, send your profile to agencies, go to adoption exchnage days etc.IT WILL HAPPEN!!!! I felt just the same as you. You just want something to happen! Living your life in limbo is very draining. GOOD LUCK! YOUR TIME WILL COME TOO!xx
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mummyTJ
July 22, 2009 19:22
oh Tab really understand how you feel - also finding the wait really hard (almost 10 months so far for me) heading to the year feels crazy - I know people have waited much longer - not much comfort some days (3and a half year since I started the process)Each milestone seems to be a transition point of emotional turmoil ie Christmas, Easter summer holidays etc. My adopter friends all tell me the wait seems irrelevant once child home.. I will hopefully believe that one day!I have been very proactive - exchange days and flyersHave had lots of unsuitable links via adoption register...Not sure it will be the place my child comes from....Press on surely not much longer...
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bovary
July 22, 2009 19:33
Tab,sending you big hugs! 2 weeks ago today, felt just the same - a promising link just disappeared in a puff of smoke, his SW found a couple and dropped me like a hot potato (wouldn't return my SW's calls!!!! Rude woman.). And I felt like I was back to square one again, it it would never happen.Today, I am looking forward to some SWs coming to see me next week re a link to another child (I had made an enquiry via BMP, the SW wasn't interested but forwarded my details to her colleague re another child and they WERE interested). I know that this link could also go pear-shaped, but it's pretty exciting nonetheless, and I would never have thought 2 weeks ago it would be possible to move so far so fast with a link.So the moral of the story is.... hang in there! It WILL happen, probably when you least expect it, and probably at the most inconvenient moment possible (I'm about to go on holiday, fortunately a 'staycation' so I could cut it short if needed). Good luck to us all!!!!!!
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moo
July 22, 2009 19:53
OOOHHH tab I am so sad for you...A very wise friend said to me just before I found out about my 2....You need to be where you are right now,at your lowest imaginable, because then the only way is up & good times really are just around the next corner Well to say I wanted to slap her is an understatement BUT (as you know) she was SOO right SO VERY soon after she said it I hit the top of the rollercoaster & was in 'Free Fall' Babe please 'hang in' & get the trust thing back on track...I won't pile on the glib stuff but if you give your pro~activity 200% & ask ask ask WHAT LINKS HAVE THERE BEEN... PLEASE MS S/W PLEEEEASE SHARE you will at least feel like you have left no stone unturned....Please P.M. if you want a private rant singlie to singlie that is what this site is all about I hope I can be a little help xxXX moo XXxxx
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purplecariad
July 22, 2009 19:55
So feel for you, know not the same as we're married, but please try not to be disheartened even though it does feel as though it's taking forever. SO hope you have some news soon, sending cyber hugs and choc from the purple house xx
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merchant
July 23, 2009 10:01
Tab you are in a place where we have all been. We were coming up for our yearly review and I was seriously considering stopping. But I was given some very wise advise by someone on here (sorry can't remember who but thank you). And that was if the hope of having a child was taken away how would you feel? I asked myself that question and realised that I couldn't live without that hope. We then had our review and our SW said that our wait wasn't excessive (no help really), that we had been very proactive in attending exchange days, sending out flyers and chasing possible children in cww and bmp and we also decided to put a time limit of another 2 years in place. The review actually made me feel much more positive. And anytime you need to off load you know where to come.
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Nightingale3003
July 23, 2009 11:17
Hi Tab,We waited over 5 years from beginning to end and our little Nighty was the one meant for us.Don't put your life on hold waiting, your time will come and then everything will be perfect.And your allowed to feel sorry for yourself, it's in the rules.Keep in contact with your SW (as I know you are doing) read the CWW and send flyers.Chin up, and big squeezy hugs for you, our fingers are crossed for a match soon.xx
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Catucci
July 23, 2009 11:21
Hiya TabI soooo know where you're coming from! We'll be approved for 1 year next month and although there's a slight possibility of a link everything seems to be moving slower than snail's pace!I know it's easily said to not put your life on hold but I think most of us are guilty of doing it and then months down the line we're mad for not getting on, can't win!Sending a big (((HUG))), you'll come out of this lull and get your fighting spirit back soon I'm sure.xX Cat Xx
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Seraphim
July 23, 2009 12:39
Hi tab, I've been reading these boards for a long time but have never replied before. I just had to reply, however, when I read this to send you a big hug and to say that I totally understand! I am a singlie and have been approved 8 months(after a deferred decision 5 months earlier...but that's another story!). Living in limbo is tough but please don't give up hope. I am sure that in time we will both be mummies and it will be well worth the wait and the emotional rollercoaster that this journey is. I too would love this Christmas to be the first one with a littlie as two have already passed since I started this process. Keep being proactive but also try and find non adoption things to focus on and keep planning things where you can(easier said than done I know)...this is the only way I stay relatively sane! Treat yourself to some fun this weekend and hopefully you will start next week on the up. Sending a big hug Seraphim x
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gimli
July 23, 2009 12:41
dont worry your little one is out there petsometimes just takes a while to match uphang in there
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MaryAndMungo
July 23, 2009 15:49
join the limbo express and you can have a soggy sarnie whilst you are waiting lol There's a thread called the Limbo Rollercoaster, come and join us here its the toughest part of the process where we are right now and there's probably not much any of us can say to make it go any quicker. but we are all in it together and we all empathyse completely and we will all be here for you to help you with the tough times and celebrate the best of news!it has been nearly a year for us and we have just been linked 2 weeks ago.just remember to bring a hot flask of tea and some cake (to share if you dont mind?) for the limbo expres lolxx
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MaryAndMungo
July 23, 2009 15:52
just read what moo said. we jot really fed up in March and had it out with our S/W as to why there had been no movement. she said she had been keeping the details from us and only giving us the highlights - so save our sanity.i said that for us that odesn't work. so she agreed to ring us every week to 10 days even if nothing had happened, and more often is there was important movement.this helped us massively and really worked. of course we did have to take the ups with the downs but for our sanity its the best move we could have made.all our best wishesmary xx
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