Public Forums

I suspect a social worker may find it a bit odd and delve deeply into your reasons for wanting to do this. Social workers tend to be conservative on nature so will question your motivation for wanting to do this.

You say that families with birth children adopt - yes they do but this isn’t the same. Any child being born as a result of sperm donation will have a family of his/her own. He or she will have parents - donating sperm doesn’t make you a dad.

I presume you and your wife have discussed this and that you’ve given yourselves time to grieve your inability to have a birth child and that she’s comfortable with what you’re thinking of doing? And comfortable with the longer term consequences? Is she comfortable with your ‘fathering’ children while she can’t have birth children of her own?

Maybe some counselling for both of you? In all likelihood a social worker would ask this of you anyway. And if this has only happened recently then be sure to give yourselves time to process your partner’s illness and the ramifications of the cancer.

I suspect sw will see a difference in someone having been a sperm donor at some point in their lives and someone who chooses to become a sperm donor after finding out that their wife, and therefore they, are no longer able to have birth children. You are in an extremely painful and difficult situation and to me it sounds as if you are still struggling to accept the consequences. I hope you don't read this as a criticism, it is not meant as one by any means.

I also wonder what your choice will mean for your wife and your relationship and I assume a sw would want to explore that as well. There are so many potential feelings and reactions in this in the short term (feelings of guilt, resentment, shame, blame, dependency, fear of loss and actual loss, grieve etc on both your sides), in the midterm once your adopted child joins your family and you might wonder what those birth children might be like, and in the long run, if one of those children chose to make contact. By that point there won't only be you and your wife who will have to deal with their feelings, but also your adopted child. I also wonder how a donor child might feel once they realise they are your only biological child. To me it sounds like a massive complication and a lot of potential hurt with very little gain for you.