Archived Forums

These boards are by far the thing that has helped me most on my adoption journey. The fantastic search facility and the old archive set my mind at rest on so many occasions, letting me know that I am not alone. I loved the fun/chat threads which gave me a sense of community and much needed light relief from the daily stresses. I have made valuable contacts which have developed into true friendships. AUK - please engage in getting these boards right. Be open and honest with why things are happening, because many I know are feeling unloved, undervalued and that this is a conspiracy to hide the real face of adopting from the UK care system today.

And why on earth can't a simple "enter" button not create a new paragraph!!!!! (but like the edit button)

I have been lurking on the boards for over a year and occasionally posting. I found searching the archive on the old site increadibly useful when we hit a real low regarding my DSs challenging behaviour and have really appreciated the wisdom of more seasoned adopters. . The help given by the Forum far outweighs any of the (supposed) support from social workers and has given me both moral support and practical tips. Without it I would have felt very lonely indeed. . I have started checking the site again regularly now that there is a 'posted today' button again, but I am disappointed by the new site, the lost sense of community, the low level of traffic and the loss of many of the established long-term members.

Have read mainly for years, found the advice invaluable and as such believe we are still going rather than having disrupted because of the wealth of knowledge here (old boards). Now when I need it the most things have changed and the community/life line is not as it was. To top it off we no longer have a AUK support group locally either and our LA have changed theirs which don't give you the support you need.

I think the big problem with the site is the lack of users. That and the huge number of categories - I think we should have far fewer. Other than that, it's not that un-usable really. Just different. I am okay with it and would encourage other people to come back. I agree that the boards are the best thing when it comes to adoption support, and the only way we can do this is to use them.

OK, GSH........ I had heard of Adoption UK but had no idea they had a message board, until I came across it purely by chance. We had adopted older children/sibling group. They were in a very bad way. There was no honeymoon period. We were lied to by SS. They withheld vital information deliberately. As a couple it was touch and go whether or not we could keep going. Having never been on a message board before, I eventually plucked up the courage to post on the old orange site what was happening. To be honest, I didn't expect a reply and I certainly didn't expect anyone to understand what I was rabbiting on about. To my astonishment, every person who replied (and there were many) knew and understood exactly what we were going through. They were going through it themselves; some had come out the other side; others hadn't, but everyone made me realise that I was not alone. No longer did I feel isolated. As time went on, and we had even more terrible things happen within our family, I found I could get support from the most wonderful people on the orange site. Eventually, I was able to use the considerable experience I had gained over the years to help other people. I have posted elsewhere on here about my experiences with this new blue, bubbly site, so I am not going to go through it all again now. The fact is, it doesn't meet my needs. These days I have no need for the magazines or the training courses or the Helpline. It was only the message board that I wanted. Sadly, despite all my involvement in trying to get the kind of site we wanted, I have not been listened to. Others have also spent a lot of time talking to AUK about it too; but their views have not been taken into account. I am unhappy with the Corporate direction that AUK is going in. I understand the organisation has to move with the times but, whilst getting into the pockets of Local Authorities, who are now a very large pay master for AUK, this has removed quite a lot of AUK's impartiality, in my opinion. In addition, I have found that AUK now removes people's genuine concerns at a stroke, sometimes deleting people's accounts. So I would like the Moderators to know that I am being pleasant, I am not being rude on here; I am answering GSH's request. I just hope that Hugh Thornberry allows people to retain freedom of speech on here, as I have found it lacking at times. All the experienced people who came to the orange site gave of themselves to others with great love and understanding. Often they ran the risk of re-traumatising themselves in their efforts to help other people. That kind of support you just cannot buy. You cannot buy it anywhere and it is priceless. That's what I believe AUK has failed to recognise.

Thank you for posting.

as a single adopter who didn't know any other adopters - the boards have been invaluable - people there during dark times - at weekends, holidays etc when the profs were not around going to meet ups of other board members was wonderful for both shadette and myself so we felt less alone - reading that others are going through similar stuff and being able to have a laugh and cry -AUK has probably saved many families just by the fact of giving us a space where we can communicate with others

For me, I was doing the daily walk of shame, banging on doors talking to SW/GPs/Camhs, - all of whom were very nice but ineffective. All the information that has helped me and my family was found on the orange site. Advice, signposting, books to read, most of my info came from there (both pre and post placement). I wasn't an avid poster, but a regular reader, and I used to signpost all adopters to the website. It is a real shame that this site has lost so many users - but I think hoping that we're all going to get used to it and will come back is a grave error and the losers will be adopters.

The AUK boards have been the number one source of support for me and by extension, my DH and AS and our other children. Second source of support has been other adopters we have met in person, some through these boards and some through LA or AUK training. And then one very special couple who we knew before we were adopters....and before they were! Without a shadow of doubt, other adopters have been the most valuable source of support, and a large part of that has been through the boards. I understand AUK started out as an organisation 'by adopters for adopters' and I think that baton has passed to others, as AUK doesn't seem to be that simple anymore. I agree with GSH and Madrid and also can see that Flosskirk has a point too. I have decided to give these boards more effort on my part (but then we are 'only' 4 1/2 years in, experienced parents but adoption experience is as nothing compared to some of the people who no longer post :-(

With out the boards and the experience of support 24 hours a day we would be in a very different place now. I have learn't so much and been able to ask questions in a supportive environment. We adopted an older child and have had many challenges which adopters have helped us through. I have met many adopters via the boards who are now friends. My son has made friends with other adopted children which has been invaluable. We have attended camping trips and as a family we have been able to grow because of the support of the board. I lost many of my past friends due to them not being able to understand they style of parenting he needs and the complex mental health issues . People on here really understand an ensure you are not on your own but have ideas, suggestions and a real understanding. I can not use the new board, they are not user friendly and are not fit for purpose. I am very concerned for new adopters coming through now as the new boards do not represent the experience of the old ones. Please, please AUK listed to what people are saying and change the boards to what is needed and not "what looks good". We all have enough challenges in our lives without having a huge challenge to get help and support by using the new boards.

I can not get used to the bubble site, that is why I moved on to another messageboad for dummies (what I understood direct, no bubbles, no hassle) . Occasionally I will look again in the hope that the page is blue and the bubbles are white what would be a huge improvement for the readability. I like to stay in contact with other adopters, and loved the old message boards. But I sort of lost interest, so many left. When I had a hard time fighting the LA legally I could not post because the boards are open, now there is a closed bit but I can not post if there is a need because I can not afford to join. I really do not know what else to write, it's sad really. As Flosskirk says we have to use them but they are so awfull to use, it feels so unsafe with all the spam (or is that problem solved now?) I do not like the letter type either. Anyway I think the only way ADUK gets old members back is by listening what we want, we never asked for a bubble site. A private board and maybe a new coliur or other pictures, but not an sms system. Here now I'm typing I hate it that I only see a very small part of my message. And the list goes on and on.

The previous site with its wealth of posters & old thread was invaluable when we approached matching panel. Maybe I'm an old croc but I detest the "like" button. I do not use Facebook so perhaps I'm just too old. Correct me if I am wrong but I see very little general advice given online whereas a little was given before For example passport application, birth parents lodging appeals at the final hour, school aspects. I could take the redesign but not the colour Must be old

I was on the old boards so long I don't know why or what I first posted. I've come to the boards with my troubles and woe, and have found immense wisdom. I've also found laughter and friendship aplenty. I think and hope I've given back as much as I've taken, and I know I've made friends for life. But Adoption UK has completely lost the plot these days and are not supporting adopters at all. These boards are horrible to use, but that's the least of the problem. People in dire trouble are not getting helped. Look at the twaddle they put on Facebook. Happy ever after stories to lure in unwitting prospectives. Meh! And the moderation on the boards, where they delete posts and ban established members but can't spot trolls. See you on the other side (you know where).... bizzy

I am very early in the actual child phase of my adoption journey (Starlet was placed six months ago) but I had a very rocky road to approval, matching and then intros. Without the support I found on the old boards, I am fairly sure I would have given up, as I didn't have the kind of relationship with my SW where I could just blurt out how I was feeling. I always felt I could on here and be understood, respected for being honest and cyber hugged when needed! Now Starlet and I are mostly finding our support elsewhere as this site has gone so quiet because of the issues already mentioned.

As a single adopter of two children with very different needs bith emotionally and educationally, I could never have survived without the support of experienced adopters on the old boards. When I didn't know where to turn for help, other adopters directed me to services. When I was totally alone and exhausted, fellow adopters offered words of encouragement to help me move forward. When I believed I was the only person facing these challenges, the boards gave me perspective. Without the wisdom and companionship offered, I would definitely have disrupted. Today, I am in a better place literally and metaphorically. I have learned how to advocate effectively for my children whilst still saving a little energy for me. I am now able to offer support to others facing the battles I have fought. Clearly AUK do not want me to do so - this new site is torture to use! It wastes so much time and is utterly unwieldy. It has a very corporate feel, and I believe it's offering false hope or no hope to prospective adopters. The reality is, new adopters are taking on a lifes work at the coalface, a life full of battles and offering just the reward of knowing that you did your best. There are no undamaged children looking for new families. IT's time to have an open, honest discussion. I truly fear for the new adopters who will, in the next few years, be desperate for support. There will be few statutory services and no objective peer support her for them - that's not allowed as it doesn't paint a rosy picture. They will race through approval, hurry home full of excitement, then return just as swiftly to tell PAS they cannot maintain their placement as there is no support for them and their life is very different from the one they had imagined! They will be the lucky ones - the others will be in hospital, or worse! AUK should remember they are here for adopters, not as a salesroom for Government initiatives.

Yes they have helped me too I don't post when things are really tough but I do read and find comfort in being part of a community It has been a great place for education and resources too I don't read this board, I find the long posts too heavy going- sorry I am sure there is some good advice- it is the format not the content

I've been a member of Adoption Uk and the message boards for well over 8 years, and they have been a life-line. I have learnt so, so much from the experience of other adopters on the message boards. It's been a valuable source of support. Actually I can't really express how much I have appreciated people I don't know sharing their lives and experiences to help my family. I feel that the request for a private board for those really struggling was wrongly ignored. It shows a real lack of respect for those experienced adopters who gave so much to the on line community but who were often in a really difficult place themselves. I'm struggling with the new format. I find it too busy. I will keep checking in but I'm not encouraged to stay. I am a big supporter of Adoption UK in general. They offer amazing support to parents where I live, but I really feel the boards are letting people down.

I am probably classed as one of the 'older' adoptees - mine are now 13 14 and 16 but after we adopted almost 11 years ago, I felt isolated alone and like nobody understood what was going on in my house. I found a small local support group, which helped, but no one locally seemed to have as many issues as mine did (!) Then I 'found' AUK quite a few years ago now, and became 'friends' with many highly valuable experienced adopters who had probably more issues than I did, and felt 'normal' for the first time since I had my boys. Don't get me wrong its fantastic not all adopters have many problems to face, but for some of us, every day year on year there is a new challenge to face and knowing there are others out there that have face the challenge and survived, as a massive comfort. I don't post much on here, but to be fair didn't post much before but really feel the valuable advice just reading posts and replies is amazing. Thank you AUK for starting the boards originally, and yes they have changed and some of us find it hard to post now, but it doesn't mean they are less important for all those other adopters out there . Thanks GSH for a brill post x