Archived Forums

Depends on whether you’re going to be using them as referees as well?

Thanks for the reply - I was planning on having my sister, yes. I was thinking of a work colleague and a friend for the other two. I guess I’m interested in how the SW will assess whether I have a good support network in place.

Congratulations on starting the journey! My social worker met my 3 referees face to face (sister and two friends) but because I'm a single adopter and I moved next door to my parents for the support, she also visited them as they would be such an important part of my support network. I think it will depend on the social worker and whether they think it's important - from talking to other adopters it does seem to vary a lot. Fortunately she didn't do a house safety assessment on their house (it would fail!) and she turned a blind eye to the fact I would be sharing their garden so also excluded that - today when I spent the afternoon chasing my newly walking 16 month old around the garden I kind of wished she'd got involved and made them child proof it! I think for single adopters what they're looking for is things that are particular issues for single parents - if you were suddenly ill who would step in and look after your child? If you had to go into hospital for a few days what would happen? If something happened in the middle of the night have you got people you could call to come and help? If you're having a really bad day and finding it hard to cope, is there someone who can come and give you a break for an hour? Good luck - it's so worth it! Oh and 8 months into my adoption leave I'm so glad I'm taking a full 12 months, so I agree that's worth doing if you can.

they will want to interview your referees. For your support network you are usually asked to draw whats called sn ecomap, a list or diagram of who is in your support network and how they would be supporting you. The SW will talk to you - a lot ! Think through different scenarios and who you would call on for what. You don't necessarily needs lots of people, its peoole you can rely on

Just be creative in your ecomap and include people who 'might', the reality is that it is very likely to change anyway. For example if your child turns out to have brain damage and is challenging people might be less keen or are very busy all of a sudden. Show that you make easily new contacts, become a member of aduk and go to adoption events, there you meet adopters and it's always good if you know others who have adopted or foster.

Also look at all the facilities and services near you that you might use in the future and talk about for example meeting people at drop ins schools support groups etc. They don’t generally interview people in your support network unless they are very close to you or very involved. My mother in law lived with us and she was interviewed and maybe as a single person there is someone specific you may be involving very closely - for childcare or babysitting and they might need to be interviewed - otherwise it is just the referees they interview (and not all of these). Some authorities now run training days / sessions for families I believe now and if yours does I highly recommend some of yours attend - it makes it much easier to try and explain some of the issues you and your children may be dealing with

Thanks so much for Sharing your experiences - it makes it seem less scary! I’ll definitely take your advice about attending events - I hadn’t thought of it as a way to make contacts as well. Developing a good support network is something that I feel a bit anxious about, especially doing it alone. I will rely on my sister and Mum for practical and emotional support so the sessions for them (I didn’t know about these) would be really helpful. And I’ll consider potential scenarios too - the more to can do to prepare myself the better!

think laterally, one SW I had nearly wet her pants when she found out my next door neighbour was a nurse! In 6 years I've never needed her professional services but it looked good on the plan. Also be practical about it. However good your friends and family are, they do have their own jobs, kids, partners. If I fell over and broke my leg, I have a couple of friends who could hold the fort as an emergency until my mum could get down here. They also want to know that you are open to building new networks and support. When you move take into account proximity of schools or nurserys to your home and your place of work. As a single adopter one of the things that has taken most pressure off me was having very short commutes between home, school and work. Its all in walking distance so no worries about train delays, cars breaking down, getting stuck in traffic. I changed jobs to achieve this.

My sister was my referee, her house is very cluttered and her husband smokes - the social worker met with her at my house

My SW met with three of my referees face to face, but not at their home (I'm in London, my Mam lives in Cumbria, one referee lives in Glasgow), she met them in a quiet café in London. I echo what some of the other posters have said about the support network - my social worker has been really keen to know what would happen if there was an emergency, or if I was suddenly ill.