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Help with college needed please

Jacklovesdisneyworld May 7, 2022 20:23

I don’t really know how to explain this but I’m going to try my best. I’m an adopted child but now 18 (turned 18 last month) and have autism and adhd, I’m in college but really need counselling. College don’t offer counselling. So I found a counsellor through instagram who seems to really understand me and how I feel. But I don’t want my adopted parents to know about the counselling if at all possible. The counsellor said she needs an appropriate adult to approve the counselling as I’m below the age of 21, not sure why though as I’m 18. The counsellor suggested college could approve it so I spoke to my support worker called Debbie in college 2 weeks ago and she said they could approve it for me. So the counsellor emailed Debbie 2 weeks ago and didn’t hear back so the counsellor called college on Thursday (the Thursday just gone) but Debbie then told the counsellor she had no authority to approve it but that the SEN team lead Becky did (I’ve spoken to Becky in the past a few times about issues with my timetable and bullying so I know who she is) so Debbie said she emailed Becky the counsellors phone number and according to Debbie Becky said she would ring the counsellor back before the end of the day on Thursday to approve it. Anyway so we get to Friday around 1pm and the counsellor messages me to say that Becky hasn’t called her back yet, so I call (her number and email is on the same piece of paper as my timetable) Becky as I wasn’t in college on Friday, Becky refused to give me an answer about if she would be calling the counsellor back. And by the end of the day on Friday Becky still hadn’t called the counsellor back. I just feel like none of them are taking this seriously but they were happy to agree not to tell my parents, I am 18 though. Where do I go from here? The counsellor has said I could get a family friend to approve it but they would likely tell my parents. Is it worth escalating this to Becky’s manager (Moira) on Monday or not? Please can someone try to give some advice because I’m worrying so much about it and I really need the counselling. Thank you in advance

Jacklovesdisneyworld May 7, 2022 20:25

I hope that all makes sense? Sorry about how long it is

Donatella May 7, 2022 20:56

Hi there. You’re probably going to think I sound like a parent - which I am - so do felt free to ignore me but as mum to an 18 year old with the same diagnoses I’ll say to you what I’d say to my son

If any of your troubles are adoption, birth history, lifestory etc related then just any old counsellor may not have the skills to counsel you. So don’t pick a counsellor without very careful research. I’d be unconvinced that college has the right qualifications to support you through this - are you very sure you can’t talk to your parents? Would they not understand?

if you’re in England, do you have an EHCP? Can post adoption help?

It’s awfully difficult to get the right support - my eldest is 21 now and I know that 18 was a very difficult age for him. I can understand your desire for privacy but don’t do it alone. Maybe contact Young Minds?

And think carefully about how open you’ve been here - naming names etc.

I hope you find the support you clearly next to move into adulthood - adulting is very scary

Jacklovesdisneyworld May 7, 2022 21:15

My parents kicked off last time I suggested a counsellor. The counsellor I picked has experience working with adopted children. I just don’t how to move forward in terms of getting college to take it seriously and signed the counsellors referral forms/approve the counselling

Jacklovesdisneyworld May 7, 2022 21:16

And I’m in England but I don’t have an EHCP

Donatella May 7, 2022 21:21

Okay, I’m going to see if I can find some way of helping. It’s a shame your parents are struggling to support but I don’t think it’s as straightforward as just getting college to sign off on forms

Jacklovesdisneyworld May 7, 2022 21:27

What do you mean it’s not as straightforward? I’m not being rude, I just genuinely don’t get what you mean

Jacklovesdisneyworld May 7, 2022 21:32

If college sign the form then the counsellor can work with me

Donatella May 7, 2022 21:36

Because the wrong counsellor can often be worse than no counsellor. Your college are clearly uncomfortable with what you plan/want to do. What about the ASF - adoption support fund.

Counselling needs to be specific to need. I understand you’re 18 and therefore an adult but 18 is still a tricky age and you still need support through counselling

Jacklovesdisneyworld May 7, 2022 21:41

What’s adoption support fund? I’ve not heard of it

College don’t really help anyway, I’ve reported bullying to them before that’s been witnessed by staff but no one did anything

I just need help but no one’s helping or listening

Donatella May 8, 2022 08:30
Safia May 8, 2022 11:08

Regarding what Donatella says about how open you’ve been - the advice is to be as anonymous as possible as these pages are open to anyone and you don’t know who might be reading them - maybe people you know or who know you. You can edit your post by clicking the edit button at the bottom right corner and maybe remove the names or just use the first letter of the persons name instead. I think it’s a really positive move on your part to ask for counselling and to be so proactive in finding it and Donatella’s advice is really helpful - good luck with sorting it all out

AlisonAUK May 9, 2022 08:38

Hi Jacklovesdisneyworld - I'll message you privately and we'll see what Adoption UK can do to help.

Jacklovesdisneyworld November 27, 2023 22:09

Hi, sorry for not updating this thread at the time, I'm so sorry. The advice was really helpful though so thank you so much for the advice/help.

Also thank you so much to AlisonAUK for the private message at the time. I'm so sorry for not replying at the time but I promise that I did read it and that I also did ring the AUK helpline as suggested, thank you so much for that advice, it was helpful.

I do just have one question though, sorry, does anyone know how I make a new post on this forum? I have tried today but it won't work, it let's me type out the post but when I press the button to 'post' the post on to the forum it doesn't work. The only reason I was asking is because I'm now in another different (and a lot worse) difficult situation and need some more advice again if possible, sorry. I don't know why it won't work, it literally juts doesn't post the post on to the forum when I press the 'post topic' button. I don't know if anyone knows how I can make another post on the forum for advice on what is going on now? Sorry. The situation I'm in now is worse than last time, it's a lot worse and I really need some advice if possible but can't do that if I can't make another post, sorry. Thank you so much in advance, sorry.

AlisonAUK November 28, 2023 07:18

Hi - I'm so sorry to hear things are worse. I'll private message you again so we can figure out a way forward. In terms of posting on the Forum, I'll ask Linkmaker (who support this Forum) to take a look and get back to you. Take care of yourself today - we're here to help.

Update: Linkmaker said: An issue could be encountered is the page was open for a while as the post was being typed, if the page times out it would not post. Should that happen copying the text and refreshing the page would then allow you to paste the post in and add it. If that doesn't resolve the problem, you can give them a call on 0800 368 8549.

Edited 28/11/2023


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