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Don't usually visit this board but wonder if you are a member of AUK and receive the magazines, as there are some really helpful articles in them. There is also the library where you can borrow books.There are things you can do to 'baby' her and build up a bonding. It is early days yet ... attachment is a long long process and time, constancy and routines help as do the PLACE responses advocated by Dan Hughes (Playful, Loving, Accepting, Curious and showing Empathy).Wishing you well,Johanna x

Hi thereI am a wheelchair user too but still awaiting placement and I worry about this too at times, how they will take to me. Would it be possible for your husband to still be there when things need taking care of but maybe to 'back off' just a bit, to let you do some of it? That way he is still within view of your wee one but if you are both there she sees that you are both there for her. Give it time and hopefully she will learn to bond more. Take care x

Hi not wh'ch user but was wondering, do you think her lack of attachment to you is because of the chair it may just be that most children can only attach to one person at a time?, This may be daft idea! but if you think it really is to do with this would letting hubby sit in chair and hug her etc help (assuming mechanics of it allow). If its nothing to do with chair then you'll likely get more responses posting on main adopters bit. My DD showed almost no attachement to hubby for about this time only when she felt really really safe with me did she move on to building that with him. She was attached to male FC more and so was expected to be bit rejecting of another male coming in.

I have pm'd you. I do think that attachment to mum is going to be the biggest hurdle for most ac actually and frankly has NOTHiNg to do with the wheelchair. 2 things come to mind- first I would have a look at things to do in the first yr of placement article. Get daddy to proactively give dd a welcome hug but direct her to you. I recently replied to a similar post on the main adopter boards- daddy mania also comes into it along with control etc. 2 is to realise that the hands on day to day care is how most mums do attaching. Most dads it's the paternal protective stuff of baby at first then it's the playing and doing. Your roles are different, they just are and there is loss muddled in there for you personally. You have to work on this and find something you can positively do together that she likes. Dad can help set things up but then it's you and her. Here, I did lots of making and doing- singing and doing cooking. We also turned tv off in evenings and would play simple domino game. Look after your relationship too- not easy but you must. Here this looks like after tea the dishes wait for a while, kettle goes on and we talk. Kids do the (shock horror) DVD for a little while.I can hand on heart tell you 10 yrs on I am my sons primary attachment (blossom has something there for us too) and our bc knows I'm her mummy and has a 'normal' attachment pattern. Have a go at some if the practical bonding activities dan Hughes suggests, eg hair brush each, mirroring doing hair and compliments to each other etc. Just keep on going it will come,