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Hi there and welcome. I would recommend at this early stage to keep an open mind of all ages. Your mind may change as you go through the process and you will refine your choices as you learn more. When we started last year we thought we knew what we wanted but as we evolved in the adoption process we ended up being drawn to completely different children. You know you want to start and that's the main thing at this point, you don't have to put too much pressure on yourselves to pick out one type or age of child at this stage. Hope that helps Good luck with everything Fox2013

Oh and can I suggest that if that is your real name, you may want to change your user name to something a little less identifying.

My son was nearly 8 when he came home, absolutely the right thing for both of us. I wasn't too fussed about nappies and teething and for me as a singly there were lots of practical reasons why a school age child was perfect. Simba is a super little boy who deserved a chance of a family. In terms of issues, any child whatever age can have issues. With babies there can be more uncertainty as lots of things dont become apparent until they get to school age. My son has moderate leaning difficulties and autism. I was fully aware of what I was taking on and had some key elements of support without even trying, he already had a statement and had an adoption allowance and DLA. If there are known issues it's easier to get support in place at placement stage. Many people who adopt younger children have to fight very hard to get these things when their issues become apparent. I dont have any regrets, I dont feel like I've missed out too much, we've had lots of 'firsts', riding bike without stabilisers, swimming lessons, learning to bodyboard, first day at new school etc etc and lots of adventures together. For me the hardest thing has been the emotional turmoil he goes through, he remembers birth family, he was with same FC for 4 years so he misses lots of people very much. But being older he can articulate his feeling much better. Most adoptive children will be functioning somewhere below their chronological age, certainly the case with Simba. We were away recently with a group of children the same age. All the other mums where very jealous at the amount of hugs and kisses I get, how affectionate he is and that he still wants to hold hand because at 10 most boys are getting a bit embarrassed about that stuff. The tooth fairy still visits and I'm expecting Father Christmas this year. It's worked very well for us, we have built a good life together, it's not always been easy, still isn't at times, but as we start our third year together we are in a good place. It's a very personal thing, adoption is all about taking a chance and I'm very glad I took that chance with an older child. If this is your real name I'd suggest you change, you might not want to be so identifiable in future.

I agree as usual with most of what Serrakunda says. Starlet was six when she came home and I wouldn't change her for the world. It means she has very clear memories of living with BM and with FCs, but we spend a huge amount of time talking, which I think has really helped our attachment. It also meant we could start doing things together fairly quickly - we both love the cinema, I have introduced her to the theatre and eating out is a pleasure rather than a crowd control exercise! School means my childcare costs are lower and as I am a teacher, we get the long holidays off together. I feel I was really well prepared for meeting Starlet's needs because so much was already known about what would work for her.

Oh dear how can I change my username I can't find it. Such an idiot

No you're not its fine, just go to profile at the top of the page and them edit profile :)

So sorry but where can I change it ? I have tried everything on the edit profile! Ahhhh!

I'm hoping for an older child too - it seems really sad that a lot of little ones are written off as being too old by the time they're 4! This is for similar reasons to those mentioned by the other posters - I have to go back to work as single so school-age helps; hopefully I'll have a better idea of their needs (but I know no guarantees) as they're a bit older; and I have an older bd and I think it will help their bond being able to communicate verbally (or not as the case may be!). Many reasons really but it just seems right for my family. You don't have to decide straightaway but go with your instinct as you're going through the process. Good luck!

I met a lovely lady who adopted an older girl and they are just so happy together. I think everyone's experience is different so thank you for all your advice. I think I need to wait and see what comes out of the process :-)

The other thing I would say is try to look beyond any label that a child may have. As I said my son has learning difficulties and autism, both of those labels can mean a huge range of needs and behaviours. He does attend a special school, but everything else he does is mainstream, he has lots of friends, we have a largely ordinary life, with some adjustments for his autistic behaviours . It's not always easy but he is making huge progress and growing up to be a fine young man

Hi I'm so glad you are thinking of an older child, although as everyone says keep an open mind and as the process develops your mind will become clearer and you may change it altogether. We are a lot older than you and my husband has 2 teenage children so older felt more 'natural' for us and our daughter who came to us 2 years ago at almost 7 has been a real delight. The advantages are that you know more what you may be taking on--we could meet Fcs and teachers who can tell you so much more about a child at that age than about a baby. Also although she remembers a lot it is in her conscious memory--I think younger children 'remember' but can't articulate it and it comes out in behaviour which they can't understand and maybe hard for the adopter to understand too. Although she was so 'old' we've had so many firsts--first wobbly teeth, first holiday, learning to swim and ride a bike and remember adopted children often act much younger than their age. She has been extremely affectionate and loved all the 'baby' play that she missed out on when younger. Anyway must go but all the best in your decisions x

We have adopted a now 6 year old, placed at 5. He has been very receptive to adoption, and has been a joy to parent. (touching all wood!) When we looked at his reviews, he was a few weeks away from them stopping looking and looking at long term fostering. He waited nearly two years. I think it needs to be based around what suits your family, and for us an older child that was at school worked. The fact that they are desperate for parents for these ages is just a massive bonus. I hope that you do consider an older child, because its bloody great.

Hi We adopted older children and I think that there are real pluses. First off, you've got mor of an idea about what you're getting into An older child who has lost her mum and her gran couldn't look after her is going to be a much safer bet than a 10 month old with complex history of various moves, uncertain mental capacity of parents and generational neglect. I'd suggest you read holly van gulden "real parents real children." That's got a handy chunk for prospective adopters and she does understand. The main troubles my 2 have had are the things that develop pre the age of 2. I'd suggest although they had trauma after the age of 2, they have the capacity to work much of that through over time and professional support. Pre 2 that's when the damage comes in. They can't talk about it as they were pre- verbal- very challenging to get through and it invades all of life tbh. There's a big problem still with the amount of adopters taking on a tiny one who think they have 'dodged the bullet' of taking on children who are traumatised but I do think they are deluding themselves. It's a gamble when they are tiny. A complete stab in the dark. When they are older at least you've got a better chance of knowing what you are aiming at. Pear tree

Hi, we adopted our daughter nearly 6, 10 years ago. We had lots of issues due to attachment but came through the other side. She's delightful, funny, intelligent and loving and couldn't imagine life without her. It is sad that so many older children miss out on adoption because they are written off as being too old :(( we wanted an older child as have a 17 yr old BS, 23 BD and 26 yr old BS. We had done all the private nurseries costing the same as 2nd mortgages and were more than delighted in her being at school. I took 6 months adoption leave and returned to work but because of behaviour / attachment issues I had to leave work, this Was something we hadn't banked on ANC the difference in our financial situation did impact on the family. We tried to get adoption allowance as apparently she was entitled to it but were unsuccessful. We might not have as much money as a family but there's a lot worse off than us and we are happy and that's what counts. Good luck x

My daughter came home at 8. I am a single parent, working nearly full-time. I always knew my child would be school-age, though I had probably expected a little younger. The biggest issue, I would say, in taking an older child is that it has taken me so long to understand how to do this right. After two and a half years I feel like I'm just beginning to get to grips with the differences in parenting adopted children, the things that she should have had from the start. I'm only just beginning to be a good advocate for her, only just having the confidence that I know better than the professionals what works for her. If I had had her younger, I could have been doing that younger. But I wouldn't give her up for anything, and I am mostly glad I took her at the age I did. I actually sometimes wish she was older still, so we could have even more joined-up conversations and she would understand herself better. I am not quite sure how I would have dealt with a younger child who couldn't articulate anything at all. Best of luck.

Just wanted to say I have found it very uplifting reading the posts on this particular thread. My partner and I are waiting for a SW to be allocated so we are at the start of the process. We are hoping to adopt 1-2 aged 4-8 so it was great to read of your experiences through someone elses original question. xx