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Rejecting Help

Bluemetro July 5, 2022 13:36

I was wondering if anyone else has had a similar experience. DS has an EHCP and various guidance to support him. When in Primary where support was not so good, he would often comment that others had help but not him.

Now it is different and he often says he doesn't need help. He doesn't like peers knowing he needs help. He is at the lower end of the ability range, so we were pleased with the planned exam support. He is in year 9 and had one exam yesterday in a small room and needed to request reading of one question. When he came home after this exam which he found difficult he has decided he does not need help in the two he has next week. They are Maths which is his best subject, but due to his reading difficulties may need help with reading a question. This could be one of the few subjects he may get a grade in at GCSE. He cannot understand that having the help could help with his future. His idea of the concept of work and aiming to do the best he can, to achieve a means of financing himself, is something he just doesn't get.

We have informed school of his request and hope they are able to convince him of the benefit of support to achieve the best possible.

It is so frustrating working with school to achieve the best for him when he does not accept the help on offer. Has anyone else had a similar experience?

Donatella July 8, 2022 11:41

Seem to recall my son went through a similar phase at a similar age - he didn’t want help. Well he might not have wanted it, but it was acknowledged by all that he NEEDED it!

We did find that as he got older we had to tweak the way support was delivered and allow him to have some say in how, when etc but on the proviso that it was reasonable and appropriate. And tbh his LSAs also had to try and find new ways of working as well - more hands off, more responsive to him and more listening to his opinions. She was used to working 1-1 with a child with learning difficulties, which he doesn’t have, so she was used to being more hands on, more directive - she had to learn to follow his lead.

I guess its about becoming more collaborative and trying to work together to best deliver appropriate support.

We got there in the end!


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