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Fostering for Adoption

Robshaw September 13, 2020 18:31

Hello everyone,

My partner and I have spent the last couple of years researching about adoption and preparing ourselves to start this journey.

We are very much looking into fostering for adoption and we feel we have the right the skills to be able to cope (as best we can) with whatever may come our way. But also there are so many positives for the children that this route has.

We thought we were almost ready to apply, then we watched Aimee Coppers video on her journey and found out (as no one had told us before) that when you take this route you will have to take unpaid leave for up to 6 months until the adoption order comes through. As foster carers technically only get paid £25 a week in our area (I don't know if it differs elsewhere) we are really concerned that financially this isn't going to be manageable.

I am a primary school teacher and I have serious doubts as to whether I would even be allowed to take unpaid leave in the first place and then ask to take a further 6-12 months adoption leave.

Has anyone experienced this journey that could shed some light? We would be very grateful, thank you.

Edited 17/02/2021
Ines September 15, 2020 20:55

Hi We are approved for foster to adopt but are looking at adoption as well. I believe the guidance is different since Aimee Cooper went through the process. If you are entitled to statutory adoption leave, you can now start this at the start of the f2a placement, or delay it until the placement for adoption is agreed. But I think this is with discussion with your employer, so you should check their policies. So depending if there were no delays, this could all take place within a 12 months adoption leave (in my experience they will ask for a full time parent for at least a year). The primary carer would receive a foster allowance. There are lots of complexities involved and you will receive further training during the assessment process. It’s worth attending some information events with agencies and discussing with the SW. Good luck with your journey.

Edited 17/02/2021
Team McGoo May 19, 2022 11:41

Hi everyone, I am new here so any support will be much appreciated.

ok, myself and hubby have our son adopted from Thailand 2015. we are very interested in pursing this journey again except at home with fostering in view to adopt.

We have had a rather tough experience with our trust in Northern Ireland, especially regarding our BMI's, and then misinformation, as we wanted to do concurrent care with view to adopt, they said they weren't aware of this and because of our BMI and the concurrent care falls under the umbrella of Adoption assessment we will encounter the same challenge's.... very long story short. we really want to do this and wonder can we do this with another trust in northern Ireland who are not going to be as our past experiences. its heart-breaking as we have adopted before and our son is very settled happy and much loved.

Donatella May 19, 2022 13:50

Think the legislation has changed

ShanJ June 8, 2022 21:19

Me and my partner are currently thinking of fostering for adoption, I’ve got one burning question that I can’t find the answer to anywhere online

when fostering to adopt a newborn in the UK do you get to name your baby yourself or do the birth parents name the baby? And if it is the birth parents what are the rules on changing this if you didn’t like it?

Edited 08/06/2022
Serrakunda27 June 9, 2022 12:08

No you dont get to name the baby, at this point you are foster carers not adopters and do not have the parental rights and responsibilties.

There are no hard and fast ‘rules’ about changing names but there are strong views around it. Names is a very emotive issue. Most social workers discourage it, unless there is a very good reason ie security issues or they have a really daft name.

Remember that a child could have been with you for a year or more by the time you get an adoption order - they will be responding to that name, everyone will know them by that name.

Ultimately it will be up to you but its not something that should be done without thought just because you don’t like the name. I’ve seen a number of discussions on several forums from adult adoptees looking into their birth families who were very distressed that their name was changed.

Donatella June 10, 2022 10:37

No, you won’t get to name any child who’s on a foster to adopt placement with you. The baby will probably still be having contact with birth family and at that stage there’s no 100% guarantee that the child will remain with you.

It’s an emotive subject and some sws will be less keen than others on the whole name change topic. We were told categorically during a planning meeting for our eldest that we had to change his name. We’ve only realised with hindsight that he was probably named to be found. We’ve kept an element of his birth name though.

Similar scenario with number two who came with real security risks. Again, we’ve kept his original name as one of his names. Both know their original christian names - we’ve never kept it a secret.

We kept number 3s birth name and she’s always hated it and has frequently asked to change it. We waited until she was 16 and after a period of therapeutic lifestory work before considering it seriously. She was still adamant so at that point we formally changed it via deed poll. She’d already been using the middle name we gave her.

Safia June 11, 2022 11:21

Though as the foster carer you might be able to call the child by a shortened version of the name you’re happy to use. For example my daughters FC shortened her name to its first syllable with the idea that the adoptive parents could then use another name starting with the same syllable. We never did - her name was fine. I think you would probably need SW permission to do this. When / if you go on to adopt you can add another name of your choice but bearing in mind the child will be used to hearing the name they’ve always been called and is part of their identity. Any name when you see it as belonging to a child you come to love becomes part of that child and has a different feel to it and is more acceptable than just hearing the name on its own. I think there are very few names that would be so difficult to accept that you feel you have to change them and if that happens you can discuss with the SW how best to approach it (bearing in mind too they might return to the birth parent who has chosen - and will use - the original name)

chestnuttree June 12, 2022 12:35

This topic raises strong feelings in many people. I know adopters who were not happy with their child's first name and who kept on struggling with it years on. Others decided on a radical name change. Probably neither are in the best interest of the child. It is usually recommended to change the name only for good reasons (safety) and as little as possible, so you choose a more traditional version of the child's birth name to reduce traceability.

Safia is making a very good point. One of my daughters had an unusual name, which I was not keen on at first. However, after thinking about her with that name for a few days it grew on me. It became her. I was actually a bit disappointed when social workers recommended a name change fo her.


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