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Probably will be saying stuff you know already but thought something might help here - We were told that you should express interest in at least 5 profiles. Sometimes the child's SW will express interest in you when they are still going through a link meeting or other adopter profiles. We were a bit surprised by this as it really makes the process more clinical. If you don't hear back in short space of time, you can put pressure on them. If you need to drop them, then do so. This does mean you need to protect yourself from the emotions that come with getting excited and then accepting it is time to withdraw from a child or children you could see would be a great match for you. Keep at 10% back if that makes sense. Also, if it taking a year to get matched, you should be getting feedback and also asking your own SW what the reasons are for the wait. Maybe there is something in the profile that sounds negative. Make sure your profile says you are willing to learn more and tell them about how you are doing with child care and support groups. Our SW gave us great guidance and was available by phone whenever we needed her to give the child's SW a nudge and feedback.

Hi Woodlands We have been told to express interest in no more than two at a time. Also our social worker has not been fed proactive finding us a child at all and there is hardly any support. We were told out PAR was well balanced too. We have a lot to offer a child including the fact that I am a health professional Woking directly with children too! We find out social worker very negative and picks holes rather than encouraging and supporting us

Have you had your annual review, I understand that once you are approved you need to have one every year, are there children that you would consider if you could move forward with more than two. Our VAs policy is to choose three at a time, so once yo know you are not moving forward with one child you just find another. I do think you have to be clinical to get through this, what have you done to be proactive, have you been to activity days or exchange days, have you sent your flier to LA family finders so they know you’re looking. We had a wonderful SW and she just said, send it to everyone all LAs, we went to an exchange day and spoke to every LA, leaving our flyer with everyone. We actually saw our daughters flyer and her SW saw our, i always think it’s was meant to be, but we had to get ourselves out there. Good luck.

Hi Create mum yes we have been very proactive with it all to be honest with you, we have now been to three activity days but the children all turned out to have significant additional needs... We just keep plodding on , and yes we have had our annual review.

Did anything come up in your annual review, did your SW suggest anything new to try. The waiting is the hardest bit, we found our daughter quickly but had to wait over six months to get her home.

She just suggested getting more child care experience both me and hubbie, I actually am a speech and language therapist who works with children all of the time! Also expanding our support network. We are currently doing extra voluntary work at a Nursery alongside doing our paid jobs!

In my experience sometimes SWs said they found it difficult to decide but went with the match that was closest to current situation. We waited quite a long time, but in our experience it was worth the frustration in the end to be matched with our DS.

It is interesting to read how SWs give different advice here. Personally I don't think it is fair for the SW to limit your choices. I get it that it is difficult to truly assess mutliple children but honestly the children SWs are themselves doing the same. We found that we got a child's SW expressing interest, then disappearing for a week only to return and say they went with someone else. It's frustrating to have to wait for so long when it was the child's SW that reached out first. Honestly, time is too short and you should take back control.

I can't imagine how hard this wait has been. It took us 14 months to get approved which was unanimous. We were told that they shouldn't have an issue finding a boy for us at 6 month to 2 and a half. 6 weeks on from approval, so half way through their initial 3 month period and we have have barely heard from our SW. Today we got sent a profile to check out of a boy who's 5. Over double the age we have always stuck too and has more needs than the children we have been showing interest in on link maker. There we have shown interest in over 7 children where we feel we would be a good match and heard nothing back. It proving really hard

I am struck by your comment "but the children all turned out to have significant additional needs... " Most adoptees with have significant additional needs and this should have been explained during the approval process - most children available for adoption have been removed from birth families die to child protection issues and have a high chance of issues due to their genetic inheritance, poor in utero care and poor early life experiences...even if these are not diagnosed in young children, they are likely to appear in later childhood. Do research FASD, ADHD, ASD, SPD, ODD, attachment, PTSD... Occasionally there are relinquished babies but they are few and far between and even they will have suffered a significant loss. If you want a child without additional needs, you are going to have a very long wait....

Or, you could consider an older child who is doing fine at school. It's no guarantee but then a toddler can turn out to have undiagnosed serious issues, the acronyms above often don't get diagnosed till school notice problems which is why the Link Maker kids in your age group of choice don't appear to have the same level of needs. OP , we waited a very long time like you. What kicked things into life was a different approach. Firstly, the LA had asked us to wait to see if they had a child to place. After three months they put on a multi county list, and then an all Scotland list. Eventually after about a year, a friend sent us the Children who wait magazine of the time. We saw our eldest son there. LA said sure, apply as we have nobody local at the moment. Our son was older than we had originally had in mind but we were just so drawn to him and he ticked all the boxes that made him right for our family. Would you consider a 6 or 7 yr old ? If so, would SW consider widening your approved age group.? More generally, I think you are wise to increase your child care experience and support networks. These are two of the big areas SW look at in prospective adopters. We had both done youth work including camps (overnight experience) and I had child minded for two younger children of working friends when I was unemployed myself many years ago) And continue to proactively express interest in possible children, by looking yourself in whatever ways are available nowadays. It may take a while yet, our best friends waited about two and a half years and had two failed matches. Now she has two happy kids who are friends with mine.It has to be right, for child and adopters, that's why it all takes so long. Best Wishes, Pingu

After an unnecessarily long approval process (18 months for us too) our LA asked us to give them 3 months and came back and said sorry we haven't got anyone! We already didn't want a toddler so were thinking 4 years+ and had been getting Children Who Wait during those 18 months. So we looked in there and after a couple of months found a fantastic 5 year old boy. Very similar to Pingu123 he ticked all the boxes and we were really drawn to him. Its turned our very well for us. I think the stats are that boys over the age of 5 rarely get adopted, ours had been up for adoption for nearly two years with no takers. He has his challenges but is a really wonderful kid, not sure what you mean by significant additional needs but I don't think ours has any, very bright, affectionate, great fun. I'd have a look in Children Who Wait, at least you can be proactive that way.