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Also not sure about two different sets of people on different days, sitting with him at school trying to talk through his behaviour . Not sure whether this will be very confusing ! And overwhelming . We don't want him to feel like there is a massive problem , I am sure as a child it would seem like a huge deal having two different adults talking to him, plus a sharing group he has been doing in the week. Seems like massive overkill without any formal diagnosis from a professional psychologist . The school say he seems very angry, we think he is very competitive, attention seeking and insecure around lots of his peers. He then overcompensates in his play and goes overboard to impress or win. Also some social understanding missing or impulse takes over.

Are the school trying to give you something until they can get the Ed Psych in place? I'm aware that they can be very overstretched and there could be a waiting list? Art Therapy, in my limited experience can be exploratory rather then working on something that is already diagnosed, so it could be a first step. I see pros and cons with multiple interventions - it could be too much, or if he is having lots of adult attention, he might enjoy that. The thought of a sharing group worries me more than having two different adults to himself for a wee while each week, but I wonder if a light touch would be needed? Our boy was four when he came home - and in many ways he sounds like your boy, although he was controlling rather than rough (although he had/has a rough tongue!). But just to say he also was very angry, and justifiably so - he'd had no say in his wee life so far and being someone who likes to be in control, well, he wasn't happy. Your boy might also be angry at school - don't dismiss it - maybe because he feels so out of control, and that's okay, especially for our kids. But it's still the school's responsibility to help him with whatever his feelings are. It could also just be 'toddler' behaviour - given that our kids are so emotionally young. Sorry if this is a bit rambling! Whatever happens, do let the school know your concerns - I think they are perfectly valid - they should be able to tell you why they have decided on a particular course of action, at the very least xxx

I’m wondering if you’re a bit muddled about who does what? There seems to a few different issues. If you’re looking for a diagnosis, then you’re not going to get it from an EP. If you think you want an assessment for adhd or a wider assessment then you’d need to ask your GP to refer to Camhs, paeds etc. An EP won’t diagnose but can do a cognitive assessment and offer strategies. If your LA has behaviour and/or Learning support teams then ask for them. Schools have limited EP time - what exactly do you want from an EP? What is the aim of the support that school are offering? What do they intend the play therapist to do? What would you want play therapist to do? Family support service - that would require them to support you too? If it’s just for the child, in a group, in school then how will that support you as a family? What would you want from slt/ot? Have you asked for a referral? For an adhd dx behaviours have to be present in two settings, usually school and home, and both will need to complete a Connors. Ours came via Camhs. Are you and school clear about mutual expectations?

Thank you. Yes we are muddled on who does what and why. We had a few problems since he started school and have read and posted on threads re these issues and have been told ed psych for school issues is the best option, followed then by the correct support eg OT or Speech and language.To check nothing in the environment is an issue , or that there are no underlying learning issues,autism spectrum etc. However we have been given a lady who comes into the school who chats to the pupil to work through any issues and can work with us as a family too if need be - all very vague and in what capacity or what training they have I don't know.Like a counselling service I suppose. Then we have been told that they are organising a play therapist . We haven't asked for this. We have an ADHD referral from the doctors on a waiting list and the doctor said the school should refer to an ed psych.too. He is experiencing anger and inability to regulate impulse control in unstructured times. The schools sanction system does not work and they are not supporting him with any one to one help in the playground. They wanted to remove him from play and bring him inside to practice handwriting at one point ! This I believe is to keep other parents happy that complained about his play being rough, understandable. However he also experienced rough play from other children. We asked for a meeting and how the pupil premium was being spent and all this is now suddenly being given to us as support. We are trying to sift our way through which is the right support and how should this be done. He is generally a happy go lucky boy , but struggles at school in the playground. All fine in the classroom (so I have been told - however I imagine he will silently struggle and let it out in the playground) Don't feel very happy about therapy in the school environment , as I think this is quite emotive and could bring up strong emotion and not sure the school is the place for that to be worked through. Eg I wouldn't want to have therapy at work and then get in with a day's work. I imagine I would struggle to concentrate and need time to wind down. We are hoping for some kind of assessment to understand the struggles at school and why they are happening from a professionally trained person. Is that person not an ed. psych. We are sure that play therapy would be good for him , but would prefer to understand what the issues are first.

Thank you. Yes we are muddled on who does what and why. We had a few problems since he started school and have read and posted on threads re these issues and have been told ed psych for school issues is the best option, followed then by the correct support eg OT or Speech and language.To check nothing in the environment is an issue , or that there are no underlying learning issues,autism spectrum etc. However we have been given a lady who comes into the school who chats to the pupil to work through any issues and can work with us as a family too if need be - all very vague and in what capacity or what training they have I don't know.Like a counselling service I suppose. Then we have been told that they are organising a play therapist . We haven't asked for this. We have an ADHD referral from the doctors on a waiting list and the doctor said the school should refer to an ed psych.too. He is experiencing anger and inability to regulate impulse control in unstructured times. The schools sanction system does not work and they are not supporting him with any one to one help in the playground. They wanted to remove him from play and bring him inside to practice handwriting at one point ! This I believe is to keep other parents happy that complained about his play being rough, understandable. However he also experienced rough play from other children. We asked for a meeting and how the pupil premium was being spent and all this is now suddenly being given to us as support. We are trying to sift our way through which is the right support and how should this be done. He is generally a happy go lucky boy , but struggles at school in the playground. All fine in the classroom (so I have been told - however I imagine he will silently struggle and let it out in the playground) Don't feel very happy about therapy in the school environment , as I think this is quite emotive and could bring up strong emotion and not sure the school is the place for that to be worked through. Eg I wouldn't want to have therapy at work and then get in with a day's work. I imagine I would struggle to concentrate and need time to wind down. We are hoping for some kind of assessment to understand the struggles at school and why they are happening from a professionally trained person. Is that person not an ed. psych. We are sure that play therapy would be good for him , but would prefer to understand what the issues are first.

Thank you. Yes we are muddled on who does what and why. We had a few problems since he started school and have read and posted on threads re these issues and have been told ed psych for school issues is the best option, followed then by the correct support eg OT or Speech and language.To check nothing in the environment is an issue , or that there are no underlying learning issues,autism spectrum etc. However we have been given a lady who comes into the school who chats to the pupil to work through any issues and can work with us as a family too if need be - all very vague and in what capacity or what training they have I don't know.Like a counselling service I suppose. Then we have been told that they are organising a play therapist . We haven't asked for this. We have an ADHD referral from the doctors on a waiting list and the doctor said the school should refer to an ed psych.too. He is experiencing anger and inability to regulate impulse control in unstructured times. The schools sanction system does not work and they are not supporting him with any one to one help in the playground. They wanted to remove him from play and bring him inside to practice handwriting at one point ! This I believe is to keep other parents happy that complained about his play being rough, understandable. However he also experienced rough play from other children. We asked for a meeting and how the pupil premium was being spent and all this is now suddenly being given to us as support. We are trying to sift our way through which is the right support and how should this be done. He is generally a happy go lucky boy , but struggles at school in the playground. All fine in the classroom (so I have been told - however I imagine he will silently struggle and let it out in the playground) Don't feel very happy about therapy in the school environment , as I think this is quite emotive and could bring up strong emotion and not sure the school is the place for that to be worked through. Eg I wouldn't want to have therapy at work and then get in with a day's work. I imagine I would struggle to concentrate and need time to wind down. We are hoping for some kind of assessment to understand the struggles at school and why they are happening from a professionally trained person. Is that person not an ed. psych. We are sure that play therapy would be good for him , but would prefer to understand what the issues are first.

In my experience usually therapies get allocated according to the presenting problem, rather than any diagnosis. Schools certainly operate that way and often CAMHS seems to as well. Adoptive children are meant to have therapies only from approved adoption agencies but a therapist we saw last year (who works for an adoption agency) told us local authorities as seen as adoption agencies, so ironically someone with no adoption training can provide therapy if they're employed by a local authority. So that guidance isn't particularly helpful. In primary one of ours (tricky behaviour) had art therapy as the head found a therapist and felt it would help. (10 plus years ago). We agreed to try it. Dd loved her sessions but we had no way of gauging whether it "worked" in terms of improving anything for her. She also had social groups provided by school etc. But her problems with peers didn't go away - probably worsened in the early teen years. But that isn't to say the groups were of no value. At the school where I work we have a play therapist to whom we refer children with emotional / social needs. They don't tend to have a diagnosis and most have never seen an ed psych. Younger dd (13) currently sees the school counsellor. She's not authorised to directly work with her on adoption issues but dd likes to have someone to offload to. It started during a time when she wasn't able to be seen by CAMHS. Interestingly now she does have CAMHS involvement again, the therapist (great person, best approach we've ever experienced) has said she's thinking that talking therapy may actually not be helpful for dd and that other strategies may be better. (It feels sometimes like dd could talk forever about her worries but actually rewards, praise and good old fashioned positive experiences are more effective.) I guess you could try what's offered but I would insist on meeting with any therapist beforehand and on regular updates so you can gauge whether you think it helpful or not.

P'S I'm not sure it's easy to fully understand what the issues are. As your child gets older you may find you view things differently. We've had various interventions but none we would definitively say were just what was needed. Which isn't to say they haven't been useful at all. Sometimes just for us as parents.

I would just like to add that any adoption related issues have to be worked on with a child by a FULLY REGISTERED adoption support agency person. So the well meaning TA who has had a bit of training in listening to kids is unlikely to help and may say a load of unhelpful rubbish. This is not good for you at home and can be devastating for the child. Ultimately wontbhelp school either. These are highly specialist things. I would seek post adoption’s advice actually on this. They should come and give you an assessment of needs (which includes the whole picture of family etc) and go from there. It does read that school are bringing in their standard interventions (which they may view as high level but with traumatised kids- frankly- it’s another level altogether.) I agree all that dx and stuff needs to come via CAMHS and they should be much more clued up about trauma impacting things as well as ADHD etc I don’t doubt your thoughts on dx at all btw. I felt for several years underneath my kids developmental trauma lurked ADD, ADHD and ASD and as time wore on. Hm. It took time! But I was right. Those dx open up opportunities for support that might not come otherwise. Mine got dx with attachment disorder Which is true. They both have Attachment disorders. But! It’s much more complex and you are right, that hereditary stuff has an impact.

Not sure whether this will help, but I will share my experience of the various support we have had through school and others. Slightly different, as my son doesn't show the behaviours in school, he masks very well, however school causes a huge amount of anxiety and the behaviours at home have been extreme. I consider myself very lucky that over time, school have begun to understand and accept that despite appearances my son needs support. Since Y3, when the problems started, my son has had weekly visits with the family support worker. There is usually a sensory element to this and he gets a chance to talk about what is bothering him at home or at school. It is basically counselling, but as this support worker also attends the Team around the Child meetings, she has a good insight into what affects him and has been a great support. The type of therapies we have had at school have been activity based, drama, art, etc. They haven't been obvious therapies, just a chance to explore feelings in a creative way. Not sure how useful they have been, but I have no complaints. Despite extreme behaviours at home, GPs, Paediatricians, TAMHS and CAMHS had nothing to offer, and left us to cope on our own. Our saviour was the ASF and the correct type of family therapy. We finally had an Ed Psych assessment at the end of Y5, and it was fantastic. As well as diagnosing dyslexia and auditory and sensory processing difficulties, the report also recognised his anxieties and how his developmental trauma impacts him on a daily basis. This has now formed the basis of a recently submitted EHCP application and given some excellent strategies for the school, and for the first time he is flourishing at school and it is lovely to see. I would suggest that you trust your instincts, but find out more about what they are offering before dismissing it. Good luck with it all, in my experience it is a long, hard slog to get school to understand some of the reasons behind our children's behaviours, but when they do get it it makes such a difference.

I deleted my previous post but just wanted to say that there is a government push for supporting mental health in schools and there are several organisations working in schools able to provide the appropriate services. I think the sessions are provided in school for ease of access and as the person running the service in the school is then able to meet with teachers and other staff, undertake assessments and meet with parents in a fairly straight forward way. I have a placement with one of these services and can vouch for the quality of the service provided and the high quality training the counsellors undertake. Yes - some of them are classroom assistants but others are therapists who have worked with adults or children in a number of roles over the years and now want to work with children in schools. They are from a wide variety of backgrounds and training. The training provided for counsellors includes attachment training and trauma as well as play therapy and these can be provided for schools too - either on a whole school basis or as a one-to-one session for individual teachers. Some schools provide individual counselling for teachers and parents too if required for their own personal issues. I can only see this as a really positive move. The bookshelves contain a variety of books on attachment, trauma, therapeutic parenting and similar including those regularly recommended on this site. Please discuss this with the school and find out exactly what is on offer for your son. A separate assessment / diagnosis is not needed for this - other than to ascertain if it would be of benefit to your son. You should be part of any decision making process as well as any professionals and your permission would be needed to work with your son

Just to add, if your child is seeing any sort of therapist, YOU need to be supported to, to deal with the resulting fall out. Tbh, if you think your child needs therapy, and you are in England, apply yourself to the asf. Your social worker will carry out a full, detailed assessment, and then you will get the appropriate therapy, delivered by someone who is experienced enough. This will be very different from a school based therapist who probably won't give you any feedback. Also, you can't keep going to different therapists so if you use the school one, you might find it harder to get the more targeted therapy.