Edited 17/02/2021
Long Term Placement and adopting another child
outstretchedhand
April 20, 2013 09:36
Hi thereWondering if anyone else might have been in my position. I am an approved Foster Carer and have a child who is with me permanently. The child has extremely complex health needs as well as being a full time wheelchair user. Last year I almost lost the little minx and seriously considered adoption to enable me to make the end of life plans, but having looked into it extensively, feel it isn''t in the child''s best interest, due to the support I get as a foster carer. This was fine by the LA, who have never actively asked me to adopt anyway, as the child was placed as a LTFP.I have a LA wanting to place another child with me for adoption, who does not have significant additional needs (other than attachments), and I feel it is an excellent match for my family and the child in placement. My fostering agency agree and had the LA decided against proceeding, had planned to challenge them behind my back! The SW of the child in placement, is now saying she doesn''t think it''s fair on the child, and that this child will feel that I don''t love them enough (DEF not the case!) and that I should adopt this child and that I won''t manage two children (I''m single!). I have an amazing support network, with a friend already wanting to babysit weekly to allow me to get out, people on standby in emergencies, and a friend who had the child in placement for 4.5hrs whilst I had a meeting with the SW''s. They aren''t remotely phased by the medical issues, and are very supportive of my adopting.I feel VERY strongly that this rather adorable little minx that I love as my own, desperately needs a sibling. I have always been clear that I will want more children in the future. They need to learn that they won''t always have 1:1 care and attention (does in school, at home, with carers etc) and learn to play with peers and all the other benefits of having a sibling. The review in February, there was no push to adopt this child as they made it clear that if I do, I will loose the majority of the care package I have (IFA and additional care package due to medical needs). Any advise very gratefully received!Thanks
Queenie 27
April 20, 2013 20:02
Have sent you a pmQueenie
Edited 17/02/2021
Esty
May 14, 2013 21:57
Hi I have eldest AS, been home 10 years, with very complex physical and learning difficulties and medical needs who I adopted after having him on respite weekends. Youngest AS mainstream with attachment issues been home a year. It's been really tough but doable with lots of support. When eldest AS was in hospital recently needed to combine lots of different people to support. Both get a lot out of it in different ways. Eldest son adores youngest Son and youngest son really appreciates all the life opportunities he gets from having a disabled brother. I couldn't do it without regular flexible support and sometimes lack of sleep caused by both can really make life hard. However would do it again if I was younger and family lived close by.
Edited 17/02/2021
outstretchedhand
May 20, 2013 20:47
Thanks for your reply. There isn't a huge age gap between them, but the psych has said they feel it's a good match. I know we will have tough days, but I do have support and family not too far away, as well as a family member moving back to the UK who will be close by. Just waiting from the youngest child's SW to find out if they will be pursuing me or not - mtg was quite constructive last week but no idea which way it will go!
Edited 17/02/2021
Esty
May 23, 2013 22:53
Good luck. I hope it goes your way. AO on the very near horizon for youngest AS. If you are really sure you'd cope do it. It has been the hardest year of my life but definitely coming out the other end. Hardest because of youngest AS's attachment issues but I really feel there has been a change in the last month. And I'm a strong believer in the passing of time. As in this will be totally different next year.
Edited 17/02/2021
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