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Apologies I clicked save too early. In my mid twenties my curiosity about my birth parents led me to finding my birth mother through an intermediary but unfortunately she didn't want any contact. I promised then that I would never make any further contact. Fast forward to the present time and my 5 year-old soon has started on a journey towards being diagnosed with autism and other related issues. It's pretty certain although not formally diagnosed as yet. Since there is no autism in my wife's side of the family I can only deduce that it's from my side. My dilemma is that although I promised not to contact my birth mother (which I will stick to) I have traced other members of my birth family (half sisters on both sides) on Facebook although not contacted in any away. Can anyone shed any wisdom on contacting these half siblings or not or and if not would you consider it too risky to contact one of their family members/ friends first to see whether they actually are aware of my existence. To be honest my motivation is from 2 sides. To help the doctors understand better what my son might inherit - there might be other medical history that would be useful. Also my curiosity is still there and really I would love to know if any of my half siblings actually know of my existence. Many thanks.

Hi Godofthunder. First off, try not to use your real name in this forum, it’s public and Social Workers do browse it. It just may not be in your best interests to be identified. You may want to edit the last post. Autism is one of those conditions which is well understood in terms of diagnosis and management but less so on cause. It is suspected that genetics play a part but it isn’t clear what the link may be. It is always worth making a medical enquiry of your birth family if it has a direct bearing on your own child, however I would suggest doing this through formal channels such as the adoption agency who placed you or social services. Unmoderated contact can be very damaging to both sides and social media is seldom the right place to make first contact with birth relatives. One thing for certain is that when unplanned contact takes place, both parties can discover things about their past which can be destabilising or unpleasant. Support and access to services needs to be in hand. Imagine the scenario where a half sibling had no idea they had another branch of their family and suddenly a Facebook message arrives out of the blue with that information. They may not be as well adjusted as yourself and this news may be devastating. They may also know of your existence but for some reason also not want to be contacted and resent what you have done. The official channels and their measured approach generally have better outcomes. One thing reading through these forums will demonstrate time and again is tracing your birth family often doesn’t have the outcome you expected. Take care of yourself when you do this and whatever happens make sure you have some support.

I agree with what Ford is saying about going through official channels - we needed some health information from the birth family and it was quite difficult to get (as we didn’t want to be too specific either) - we had no response when we asked directly (through letterbox) but did get a positive response - agreement to genetic testing - when mediated by post adoption support workers in their area. There is a sensitivity around genetics sometimes which can lead people to think they are being “blamed” for causing a particular condition - especially if they don’t have much understanding of genetics and how it works - and this is why it requires sensitive handling

Hi. I agree with Ford about using an intermediary service. Contact your local authority, who have a duty to help you, though they can charge for it. You could also try After Adoption or The post adoption centre. In terms of genetic inheritance, you are unlikely to get any useful information to help you parent your son. It might be interesting to know it runs in the family like red hair or similar but that's about it.