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Have you been therapeutically parenting. You are right normal parenting probably won't work for him. Have you read 'therapeutic parenting in a nutshell' by Sarah Naish. You might also want to join therapeutic parents facebook group. You can pick up lots of great advice there re. Therapeutically dealing with aggressive behaviours in our children. The Facebook group is part of the national association of therapeutic parenting. A lot of it is based on the Dan Hughes PACE stuff. You can join to gain access to lots of great online training videos, receive 1-1 mentor support or attend a local listening circle. One of the big things that they advocate in therapeutic parenting is self-care to avoid compassion fatigue and blocked care. You need to look after yourself if you are going to be able to care for these two little ones. Have a look at the group if you are not already part of it.

It sounds like you are doing an incredibly difficult job. Have I read this right that your younger child is only 2? And the CPR mentioned lots of difficult behaviour when he has been with you got 18 months? How? Normally for tiny babies you would expect things like meeting - or not - milestones, maybe withdrawal symptoms at birth etc. For the CPR to include massive behavioural issues in a baby something must be seriously wrong. The poor child must have been through hell, never mind possible brain damage etc. I am sorry to be so blunt. But I do not think a bit of therapeutic parenting will suffice in your case. I am very sorry that you should have been placed in this position, that the needs of your family, your older child do not seem to have been taken into account. It is NOT your parenting. You have shown with your first child that you are an able parent. You need to find out what is really going on with your younger child. Do you feel you have been given all the relevant information? If not, fight to get it. Are SS involved? You are clearly dealing with a child whose needs are much higher than first anticipated. Budgets are squeezed but they need to help. Assessments are great, but they need to be followed up with actual support. Make it clear that you deeply care about both children's wellbeing and that you are concerned about the massive impact your son is having on your daughter. She needs to be protected from violence. (And so do you). Do not let them fob you off with trying to explain away his behaviour as terrible twos. You have to deal with that on top of his actual issues. Keep a diary detailing incidents. Last thing you want to do, but you need to gather evidence. Things with us got so bad for a while that I made a long list of common issues from throwing things - biting, kicking, controlling behaviour, whatever, plus a category for other behaviours not mentioned. I put it all in table format, where all I had to do was then to insert time and date, tick boxes and add a short comment if necessary. Include length of tantrums. It became a depressing diary, which could stretch over several pages in one day, as the minute by minute impossibility of our situation was documented. It will, however, help paediatrics, CAMHS etc to try and work out what is going on and also protect you from allegations being made against you. I really feel for, you must be so exhausted. Please, in all of this, look after yourself. Put your younger child into nursery a few hours each week and use this time for recharging your batteries. No chores allowed. You must stay strong and you cannot do this running on empty. Take good care of yourself. Xxx

Thank you Zora. The CPR mentions aggressive behaviour towards other children, Hyperactivity, hair pulling, head butting. Foster carer raised concerns at 6 months as he seemed ‘different’ . I have attended a course on PACE and nurturing attachments so I know about therapeutic parenting, but it’s hard to stay mindful when my daughter is being subject to boisterous aggression. She shouldn’t have to live like that. We have been referred to a community paediatrician but post adoption support have been pretty useless. I get the impression that they will help with older children but no support for toddlers. I think a diary is a great idea, I’ll certainly try that.

I definitely think you need to push for a paediatric assessment as this is very unusual behaviour for a six months old. PASW should be able to provide some support for you even if they consider the child too young for what they can offer - and should be able to help you in trying to get an assessment asap. There is counselling / advice / respite / financial support they could help with (not sure about financial but was thinking of adoption allowance or similar) or some play therapy for your daughter to help her with the situation maybe - don't be fobbed off

Hi I think you need to go back to post adoption support - they have a duty to support you and if you are England you can ask for ASF support and the money doesn't even come from the LA but from the Gov. In the meantime I would suggest that you also get him assessed by a paediatrician but to be honest, there is only so much that diagnosing anything will do. Instead you need practical help. My elder daughter was challenging. I wouldn't leave my two together for a minute or something would happen. I even sent them to separate schools. They are older now and still I have to be careful. Later on you will find out more about what is going on and you will be able to access help like therapy. In the meantime I would suggest that you look into sensory integration - this is often a problem for children who act out and hurt others. The post adoption specialist centre Family Futures always starts by looking at the body and how early trauma is expressed there and what to do about it. You can google it but also see if there is a practitioner near you.