Archived Forums

Camp NEST has been somewhat missing in action for a few weeks due to general paid expedition chaos and Arfness of Agent Sqk. However following a meeting at bootcamp this morning with both ENs, SENCO and representative of local SEN SCUM we have an agreement for that legal document of an EHCP. Finally say all in Camp NEST given request went in form previous bootcamp 69 weeks ago today to previous SCUM. ENs in Camp Nest came out of meeting feeling positive and being sure that the relocation decision is going to work out. Senior sergeant at current bootcamp knows the pitfalls and traps that can trip up a bootcamp so is preemptively working on them with support of Agent's temporary sergeant. EN1 is just grateful to have one stress lifted off her shoulders - she still doesn't quite know how paid expeditions have continued without noticing her frequent absences although less frequent now....

Salutes to Camp Nest EN's. Well done acheiving vote on agreement with tricky negotiations. (Maybe you should stand for pm) EN's here at camp penguin are breathing cautiously at the moment as ARF2 seems to have now acheived most of what the bootcamp seargents have been seeking from him, re coursework. Interesting arf-ish manouvre this morning as he went off to bootcamp on his bike, with a skateboard tucked across his back and supported by rucksack straps only, (the skatebaord is because the art teacher wants them to do a design which they can transfer to a chosen object. His friend got lumbered with doing his design onto a lampshade, so arf2 went into action to find something more to his preferences.) Having had his timetable at bootcamp temporarily adjusted this week, to complete Graphic Comms coursework, ARF2 is now of the opinion that he is an expert at photoshop and can add that to his CV (alongside an incomplete Dof E bronze no doubt) ARF1 being made much of tomorrow at regimental celebrations of 21st birthday (which was actually last Monday but he was working) where have the last 11 years gone ! Expedition planned tomorrow (as snow is forecast) to get all the penguins over to cavalry aunt and uncle's house for family party. Original transportation by rail has been replaced by the family four wheeled vehicle in case of train canellation due to snowflakes.

Good evening fellow comrades, Arf partridge is currently on ‘work at chippy’ detail. Thanking all that is holy that agents checked leg cladding is well hidden below the serving zone of shop. They are code MINGING Further details are emerging from Agents life that En1 would rather not be party to. There’s an issue with their feline companion as it seems to be being along the private Balderick standards of cleanliness and it needs a vet. A person from en’s paid employment has taken a photograph of balderick. Bald is the case..... so far en hasn’t mentioned that she knows the ARF partridge as en is hopeful poor creature might get helped, whereas agent never listens to ens about poor living conditions. Hm It’s my understand that my colleagues have taken pity on balders and reported him to rspca and someone has been sent to collect said straggly cat. Toots of the standard cornets in celebration at nest camp obtaining the holy grail of EHCP. Hope that Agents life becomes considerably better with it Further congratulations to camp penguins. Having the arf reaching the age of majority is a total triumph. En’s here were delighted to know their arf have reached double figures let alone over 21. This is a huge mountain climbed. En1 has noted that at times En1 would like to re do bits knowing what she knows now but actually not sure En1 would wish some of it on their worst enemies! Dig in troopers. Brexit excuse related reductions in service- emitted from the ivory towers housing the scum may yet come your way. Sending all camps much love and robust spades, firm shuttering and a fine clutch of geraniums for your front lines

Salutes to all camps as we tip into the Spring Equinox. Here at camp Clowder, we are interested to hear of the many and varied experiences of other camps and ARF Agents. It is early days here in comparison, and no chickens have yet.been counted. So here is the Wedding Attendance report from this camp, now somewhat overdue. ARF Agent Kitcat was majorly excited on the day, wanting to wear her Special Dress as soon as breakfast was over. But it was an early evening wedding, so the ENs had their work cut out containing the Agent's enthusiasm. Eventually, Cavalry Granny deployed her battle tank in the direction of the festivities, with the ENs and Kitcat suitably scrubbed and polished. EN1 lugged a large handbag full of goodies with the plan of producing them at suitable intervals. What actually occurred was that Agent Kitcat took an ARF ish turn, and dived into said bag in pursuit of Cheesy Quavers, just as the vows were being exchanged. Other camp leaders are no doubt aware of the noise a packet of Quavers can make during the hush of a Special Occasion... But Agent Kitcat otherwise behaved beautifully. Her usual extreme shyness was not apparent and many wedding guests declared themselves charmed. It was a late night for little Kitcat, but she is of the night-owl type anyway and coped splendidly. The ENs and Cavalry Granny were very proud of ARF Agent Kitcat, who has been through so very much, but brandishes her flag of resilience wherever she goes. Meanwhile, our camp is battening down all hatches as the Brexitasious Fandango lurches from one high drama to another. Flag poles stand polished and ready, come what may. Over and out.

It’s Friday night and being ens in their 40s order of the evening is lying next to each other on bunker on personal communication devices with ‘the last leg’ On the box! Have giggled at the video of the parc cours dude. Then realised it could well be agent Partridge (he’s formerly let everyone know he’s in the Olympic team!) Yet comrades the evenings of going out to local food establishments and purveyors of coping juice is in the past. Sigh So ens, time to report on the orchard camp. Arf partridge is in excited mode as new vehicle of desire is about arrive in his possession. Intelligence suggests it will arrive On Tuesday. He’s very keen and ens have managed to get the ‘must be taxed and insured’ message through to agent. It will be interesting if agent manages to fund said transport module. Non arf Pip has been busy growing into a pre teen so sudden gobby outbursts and sudden niceness follow in quick succession. Next to the ARF en realises this is code small fry. But it does remind en of operation seen in younger arf. This operation action is called ‘limpet mine’ (be warned fellow troopers). Close proximity of En to Arf (aka stuck like glue) is sought in all scenarios followed by regular explosions from said agent. Mission ‘ambush the foot digits’ is in full swing by small fuzz ball feline. So ens Pls watch out for attacking fuzz balls on trek to warm watery from the ceiling cleaning device.

Report from the Spud Patch. First time. Epicure (EN2) has retired to bed. AS1 (aka Arran Pilot) enjoyed some time with EN1 while AS2 (aka Sharpe's Express or Artemis Fowl) is taking part in 'Sleepover' with non Arf friend. EN1&2 are recovering from busy week with meeting with professional to address AS1 anxiety. We will see what that brings but ENs are hopeful. We are awaiting summons from school to discuss Artemis Fowl's activities. He has bypassed the school's security measures and his device of desire is now confiscated by school (woo hoo). ENs not sure whether to be anger or very proud of 10-year old's tenacity (we are leaning towards proud). Artemis is certain EN1 is an idon (I assume idiot + moron). EN1 encourages this belief but was actually trained by 'Uncle Danger' in certain arts back in the days before the internet. AF has not yet realised that ' bad internet connection' means that EN1 has enough controls to keep Bank of England safe. And since his access at school has been severely limited his ability to look up videos of 'how to bypass parental controls' is much diminished. EN1 is always wary but is enjoying the pause in IT duties. She still has the 'no one gets WiFi until I do' card in her pocket (and since this involves confiscating the power cord EN1 knows this is an easy threat to carry out...even EN2 worries about this but now the Six Nations is over he is less concerned). Salutations to all comrades! BdF

Welcome and salutes to Spud Patch Brigade. Special commendations for actions in the line of IT duties. Camp Penguin ENs considering next stage of strategy re ARF2 so called study plan. Much coursework ( art, graphic comms. ) has been done last three weeks but little academic study. ENs are aware that coursework submissions are no good if exam not passed. As ARF2 is bright but hates academic study constant encouragement has to be provided. Plus a balance to be kept on recreation so as to keep his stress levels within his narrower than average coping range. ARF manoeuvre to see code "Captain Marvel" tomorrow with non ARF friend considered good move. EN1 here is also considered to be an idon ( and called a lot worse) by ARF2 as she is he one who withelds ARF privileges till essential tasks done. Meanwhile EN ear balls are listening to ARF1 enthuse about all the things he is going to do with first full month of decent pay. Bless him wants to pay lots of rent which will be very welcome but ENs reminding him to leave enough for his credit card payments, fares and lunches, and needs new glasses badly. ARF1 now working for BT and enjoying sorting out his/our " special deal" on package and his new mobile due to arrive today. EN1 is particularly looking forward to that as she is inheriting his "old" phone which is not actually old , just not one of the latest models, and because ENs phone took a plunge last week into facilities water and now only flashes an occassional red signal and a partly eaten white Apple when EN attempts to wake it up. ArF1's keenness to be good to ENs now that he has some spondoolies is heartwarming and helps them soldier on under ARF2 stress attacks. ARF2 will be lovely when exams are over but can be very unpleasant under stress fire.

Wonderful to welcome Spud camp to the rank and file. Please find the ARF training manual left at rendezvous point. There are several blank pages. This is deliberate in case you discover further ARF handling techniques or missions. Today comrades we attended ecclesiastical zone. En1 has new excited zing because she has been appointed arf and non Arf children’s worship commander. En1 is rediculously excited about this and YouTube of ‘Jesus is my superhero’ feature Lego obi wan knobi Jesus was greeted with bouncy enthusiasm. Followed up with group action involving toasting Jesus at the wedding of Canaan and doing the Conga. En1 had a whale of a time :) ARF & non ARF engaged well only small arms fire over fidget toys was observed. Sending love and hard hats to camp penguin under heavy fire. Arf Partridge when taking GCSEs decided on strategy: being ‘super nice’ to the boot camp sergeants. carrying their books, passing round the sheets, opening the windows, stacking the chairs would enable him to PASS. Because he’d been so nice they’d ‘probably let me off’ the actual exam. Ens also uncovered agent know the thing to do to gain the (then A) was to do no revision or hard work because that’s what the kids with 11 straight A’s always say! En1 must admit to opening the large freezing of rations device and screaming into it so no one could hear her! Mustering the troops for the up and coming Easter Hols. Prepare for battle over the chocolate stash, secured in no mans land. Arf have been known to find and gobble entire chocolate store at one sitting. Recommend ens purchase their own choc and enjoy it before ARF discovery.

EN's had a tough time last Saturday as ARF2 had a major threatening outburst, like he has not had for several years. Think the exams have been getting to him. Now quite subdued but chatting openly about his struggles in a way that shows he has moved forward a lot since last year. Think he shocked himself as much as us. And he finally seems to be doing some studying without being continually nagged. Easter break for him starts Friday and he claims to have a study plan !!

Hello fellow troopers! En1 reporting late missive. Arf Partridge has a wheeled automatic chariot of his own! Bless agent, he did look proud! Now, I’m going to request a medal for resisting firing off at agent. I did not mention: slimy brown gnashers, sallow skin, sunken red eyes, very skinny appearances. Even when agent said he’d been ‘eating too much’ En1 didn’t fire off any salvo’s of the ‘you are so thin the only thing stopping you falling down the gaps in a cattle grid is your Adam’s apple’ Ens will know that this is HARD. But agent has bought En1 a nice mother’s day card. 3 bugle toots in celebration please in all camps ;) In other news. En1 has got some hurty hurts in her bones- especially her hip. En has been getting worse over several weeks and en2 managed to get her to admit defeat and attend local MASH. Local MASH were pleasingly very good. The dr poked and prodded. When En1 yelped he selected his biggest needle and STAB! Lots of fluid and steroid injection later... en is as now much less hurty but trying to rest said appendage with feeling very euphoric is no mean feat. But the evil enemy hip is much placated with a dose of local anaesthetic and steroids :) En1 is mulling over long and complicated philosophical questions in her addled brain like: Are nearly empty toilet rolls completely invisible to everyone except En1....?

Greetings to all camps as Easter approaches. At camp Clowder, En1 is already grinning happily at the prospect of caches of chocolate being delivered to Camp Stores. ARF Agent Kitcat has other things on her mind. The agent has recently discovered animated musical films and is making it her mission to learn all the songs and then belt them out at the top of her voice, with changes to the lyrics according to preference. The ENs are wondering if Kitcat should be seconded to Entertainments Division. Cavalry Granny is more of the opinion that the songs could be transformed into battle cries. Marauders and those with ill intent would, on hearing Kitcat's dulcet tones, be afraid. Very afraid. Still on the theme of song, Granny was highly amused to hear Kitcat singing a very ancient Al Jolson song, and just for a change, getting most of the words right. "Mummy sings it of course!" said the agent when quizzed. Granny had to marvel at how these things are passed down the line and along the generations. The ENs are wishing that Agent Kitcat put as much effort into her sleeping routines. There are too many nocturnal disturbances in the camp of late, and the troops are looking decidedly weary. Roll on Easter. Wishing all camps a fun time and plentiful supply of chocolate or whatever else floats the boats of your troops. Over and out.

Camp penguin enjoying a peaceful interlude. AS2 still on Easter break so less stress all round. EN's enjoying this truce, and building up reserves of strength for when as2 nears his NAT 5 exams in May. Not sure how much studying is happening ( it's hard to tell when it's all on his bootcamp issue iPad and he is reading it in his room) but he did go into bootcamp last Monday for a study day with classmates and his English teacher ( giving up a day of her holidays !!) EN's a bit worried about AS1. He has always suffered from migraines but they are really causing him problems. MASH gave him tablets which made him sick two days in, but they say he should persist as this is a common reaction to them , and it will settle down! ENs wish they'd could speak to doctor as we think his flare up may be partly at least due to needing new glasses. It's been three years since he got them changed and it didn't matter so much while he was doing things like building site work and washing dishes, but now he doing customer service work and spends his day on the computer, he really needs to prioritise this. He has been trying to get to the optician for about a month now but his own illness, a close friends' sudden illness, an opportunity to visit a new and northern city, plus awkward work shifts have prevented this happening. It didn't help his consultant ( who wanted to check for possible reasons for the headaches in his past history) that no medical notes from pre-adoption are available, circumstances make tracing the old ones very hard and he simply does not have the time to chase this up. EN's feeling great frustration that as he is 21 we are limited in what we can do to help him get things sorted out. Happy Easter to all camps.

Greetings from Camp Highway. Feeling under siege here. Patriarch of EN1 was promoted to heavenly realms a few weeks ago which has meant several expeditions to more distant barracks. After the last expedition things relaxed a little in Camp much to the relief of EN1 & EN2. Then from Thursday the expectation of Bootcamp kicked in, made worse by the impending SATS. Finally managed a very fraught expedition for new boots today. The hatches are now battened down and ARF agent has returned to Technological activities. EN1 & EN2 have concluded that there is no chance of Bootcamp activity sent to Barracks being completed. Greetings to other camps now awaiting forthcoming Bootcamps and hope the participating in consumption of chocolate rations may ease the pain.

Post-Easter report from Camp Clowder . As expected, too much chocolate has been consumed by En1 and Cavalry Granny. ARF Agent Kitcat didn't do badly either. En2 does not 'do' chocolate, which the others find hard to fathom. Much sadness in camp of late due to recent demise of elderly canine support unit. Agent Kitcat came and said her farewells the day before. She knows he is now in Canine Heaven and is very matter of fact about it. But she talks about the dear old soldier often and looks closely at Cavalry Granny, who thus far has managed ok. Ish. Granny is cheered up somewhat by Kitcat's interest in 'gardening'. Until recently this has mainly involved repeated trips to the water butt and much filling of watering cans and excessive drenching of plants. But today we sowed lettuce and pumpkin seeds and Kitcat put the earth in the pots and 'wrote' the labels herself. The agent managed to do all of this without fretting about washing her hands every five minutes; so the mission can be considered a success. There is still the issue of spiders and bees to be dealt with; Kitcat wishes them to know their place i.e. as far away as possible, so the Ens and Granny are considering new Coping Strategies. Hoping all other camps are faring well. End of report.

Late night watch reporting in. Arf Partridge is a marvel sometimes and he has broken ranks briefly with fellow Arf agents and made ‘meaningful contact’ with ENs on Easter Sunday. A shelf had fallen down waking agent. This prompting of agent allowed him to think. The think he thought was ‘I think I could go to ENs Celestial Celebration zone’ At a similar time En1 dreamed agent was at the celestial celebration zone. To our surprise and amazement- Hurrah- agent attended! En1 was stunned and DELIGHTED. Arf agent hadn’t washed etc and trade mark whiff was around him but frankly EN was so DELIGHTED to clap eyes on young gangly agent, she did not care. Further attempt at closeness via gentle touch also noted. Now ENs. I was very sorry indeed to hear about departing of elderly support unit in catlady realm and also patriarch in heaven & away from his much beloved camp in highway camp. Half mast flag and muted trumpet tootling in respect. En1 here has a very special canine support unit (CSU) of the trained for wonky wobbly people variety. Said Labrador attends most of en1’s engagements and Easter was no exception. En1 and young pip attended a meal at local ecclesiastical rooms with CSU. CSU did a lovely meet and greet, then he lay under the table for a time while we ate. After the diner was finished, all ENs and children tidied away and sat again for pudding. Pip said ‘mummy where is CSU?’ ‘Under the table’ en replied ‘No mummy, he isn’t.’ It was at this point that En1 noticed a small low table with wine and a large chunk of bread..... Unfortunately CSU had noticed said table before en and ATE THE BODY OF CHRIST IN ONE GULP! CSU was apparently sorry with his tail between his ambulant appendages after a loud NOOOOOO from En1.... However I suspect comrades this was FAKED. CSU was asked by a giggling vicar if he had eaten the body of Christ and dear comrades, the CSU LICKED yes LICKED said vicar on the hooter. All pretence of ‘sorry doggy’ abandoned and I present to you dear comrades that he is indeed a sinful doggy. However as expressed by the vicar, he’s a gladly forgiven one ;)