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Late night report from EN1. En2 has headed to the bunker for snoozes and once more EN1 is awake on century duties. The ARF Agents Partridge & Blossom have departed the camp and currently reside elsewhere. However their lengthy combat experience bothers en’s brain so late night century duty is altogether more common than it probably should be Non Arf Pip is from birth child brigade. She is now 10 having had a zap of ‘im growing up’ standard issue hormones ENs are starting to feel the heat of ‘normal pre teen angst’ Thus far this has involved lots of ‘stomping about and having a stropper alotter when asked to turn her music down’ En1 would like to ask if any other similar action has been noted in birth child or ARF Agents as it seems to provide endless entertainment for young agents and make ENs highly annoyed within ... well if it’s one direction... seconds.... Would like to commend all camps in their sterling work supporting their ARF

Correction for the log....Sentry not century....-although sometimes it feels long!

PS also wondering how Camps are managing the upcoming seasonal festivities. ENs here are drasticAlly short of the required spondoolies. Plans of strategic saving & homemade items of festive loveliness have not provided the hoped for peace and goodwill within the camp. Instead the global call ‘just put it on the sodding plastic!’ Has been heard within the camp. If ENs elsewhere have a haul of spondoolies they wish to relocate to central funds, please let en pear tree know immediately

MET Office camp reporting here! There have been many severe weather warnings in recent weeks and camp has had to resort to battening down the hatches and riding out the storm more than once. Operation Peaceful Festivities is currently being planned and intelligence is being gathered from the local area surrounding the MET Office camp in preparation for a pre-emptive strike against known premises containing items which are highly explosive when in the vicinity of ARF agents. These items cause much internal damage to the ARF and wreak chaos and destruction to all personnel in contact with ARF agents. These non regulation items include distracting glowing bulbs, camouflaged trees and messages or countdowns to upcoming festivities. These items are not authorised for use until 08.00 on 20.12.2017 therefore any premises displaying them are acting against the express orders of EN Headquarters. Suggestions for removal are welcome and action will be taken as a matter of urgency before the ARF is infiltrated and spontaneously combusts. Once the pre-emptive strike has been successfully completed, Operation Peaceful Festivities can once more be initiated.

Report from creative camp, agent Sticky is coming down of a party supplied sugar high, compounded by the same affliction suffered by agent Pip of the hormone variety. EN1 did not appreciate the early morning wake up bugle call, known as the bedroom door banging, heard at 5:45, this was followed by agent triggering camp security alarm as she went on MESS tent rummage for supplies. EN2 slept through all early morning manovers and has only just woken up. EN1 is hoping that a trip to the local religious establishment will calm agent and allow EN1 some time to catch up on missing R&R. As for operation seasonal festivity EN1 is waiting for agent sticky’s annual meltdown and as this years will be accompanied by hormones will probably be more explosive than 5th November. Good luck to all ENs.

Camp Penguin posting in. EN1 organised raid of local NAAFI for festive supplies yesterday but beat tactical retreat for rethink of strategy on discovering the number of spondoolies require for personal greeting cards and desired presents. ARF agent 1 on MASH duties assisting an ill friend with ill parents, while ARF agent 2 regards base camp duties such as " please would you stick your school bag out of the way so it's not a trip hazard" as cruelty to agent and designates the request worthy of a huge strop and much insubordination. We have managed not to see SCUM for a while, thankfully, let's hope that continues. Sending greetings to all ARF camps out there, both those enjoying peaceful leave in Paris, and those presently in the trenches under fire.

he he he or ho ho ho ...sorry Met camp, Calendar camp reporting, all our ARF are billeted elsewhere but are in regular communications with base camp....normally asking for spondoolies or babysitting duties. EN2 has invited all 3 agents, their other halfs and children for the festive holiday.....EN1 wants to tell him to FOCUS...but he loves his grandsons and wants to make sure they are safe and well, en1 will bite tongue and cook.....pigs in blanket anyone.

Welcome salutes, flag waving and regimental bugle tooting to fellow MET office camp, under siege. Spontaneous combustion of Agents is best avoided, although some minor explosions are to be expected under such heavy seasonal fire. Even if MET camp avoids running the gauntlet of the dreaded rations supplier in person, the incendiary festive music in optical awareness entertainment panels provide plenty of AGent ARF power. WARNING TO ALL CAMPS (Especially to ones with teen or indeed young adult ARF varieties) Arf partridge is known for his erm ‘unique’ interpretation of the term ‘personal hygiene’.... Last night ENs enjoyed the visual entertainment panel and observed a programme named QI. Arf Agents enjoyed watching this in the past. During this activity, ENs giggled and amazed gasps were heard and then, then, disaster struck. En1 had, at the start of programme, smoke signalled Agent that Qi was on in case he wished to engage himself . Adopt brace position. QI revealed there is a WORLD RECORD for the worlds stinkiest man. Current holder hasn’t washed for 60 yrs and the runner up for 40. ....ENs can’t wait to hear Agent Partridge’s New Years resolution... Orchard camp about to attempt operation ‘get ready for ecclesiastical mission’ ALL Prayers for application of soap upon Agent gratefully received

Delighted to welcome creative, penguin and Calendar camps to the ARF log. Waves of encouragement and salutes to all battling valiantly in their camps with the beloved ARFs

Ecclesiastical mission abandoned by creative camp, agent Sticky decided correct uniform for such mission would be desert uniform, of vest t-shirt and shorts, when EN1 suggested a more suitable warm wear, agent Sticky went to practise bedroom camouflage training under the duvet. When EN2 suggested agent adopted EN1 uniform requirements, agent Sticky then became camps own air raid siren with levels reaching beyond dog hearing. EN1 has retired to MESS to have rations of porridge and tea, EN2 is monitoring agent from the safety of the office bunker next to agents bunk room. EN1 is counting the minutes, until she leaves camp to join other ecclesiastical ladies this afternoon, to make decorations for ecclesiastical building and partake of sessional warmed alcohol and seasonal sweet pies. EN2 is hoping agent Sticky has calmed down by this point.

EN1 (and only) reporting in from Hundred Acre Wood. Reporting ArF agent calm and apprantely coping. However, EN1 planning manoeuvres on several fronts in coming weeks. 1) Counselling commences soon to hopefully counter some of the damage done by separation from and lack of contact with other ArF agents from same regiment. 2) General preparations for Annual festivities complicated for us by addition of birthday, one week prior to Christmas (double the fun but somehow more than double the stress etc) advanced mission and careful detailed manoeuvres required. 3) En evening at ArF daytime containment camp. ArF agent appears to cope well in containment camp however progress is not what it should be and containment officer somewhat challenging. 4) preparation for annual containment camp visit (day out) to the hugely appropriate Harry Potter world! EN1 still recovering (wounded but ultimately triumphant) from battle with containment camp for permission to escort ArF agent to enemy territory. Today’s operational manoeuvres include visit to festive party for all local ArF agents and EN’s hopefully to allow ArF agents to burn off energy and EN’s to swop military tactics. EN1 from Hundred Acre Wood signing out for now.

Hi fellow ARF. En 1 currently residing and supposedly studying in Scotland declined to join in festive activities then changed mind but the controller of the funding - moi- can no longer afford the fares due to increase in costs. En2 ensconced n his room battling whatever on his PC. En3 AWOL and currently no contact allowed. And non ARF 3 currently moving back to base camp with gf in tow. So furniture re arrange is in place. Off to feed the hordes now.

Good afternoon all camps Regulation frog march around the chilly tundra after ecclesiastical mission and rations completed. En1 has downed 3 yes 3 cuppas and has discovered a disaster in the ration dept Yes dear comrades. ‘Someone’ has eaten the camp rations of sweet seasonal pies of which creative camp reports an abundance of. Suspect En2 has taken more than his ration to consume along with other campers of the blokey mates variety, en1 has woefully complained of lack of code ‘fair share’ All campers looked suitably sheepish. Have given En2 formal warning of court martial if further supplies evaporate on the ‘having the lads over for a bit’ evening or instruction to replenish stocks speedily. Delighted to welcome 100acrewood camp to rank and file. Impressive activity plans ahead. Medal awarded for valiant struggle with bootcamp sgt major and achieving holy grail of ‘Harry Potter trip’

Camp Fruitcake had an alarming morning. We somehow missed reveille and surfaced late to an eerie calm. Had the nuclear holocaust occurred, miraculously leaving Camp Fruitcake an island of calm amidst world desolation? Or had it just snowed? En2 was heard to mutter in his best John Wayne voice, "I don't like it - it's too quiet". A brief recce from our bunker revealed business as usual in the outside world. No nuclear devastation and not a speck of snow; just neighbouring troops sluicing their tanks and pottering off to the garage for their dispatches as per usual. Then light dawned amidst the diminishing pool of grey cells still remaining in Ens' addled brains. A full one third of the troops were missing, absent on distant manoeuvres code-named "sleepover"! We are familiar with the phenomenon that the absence of one troop member only, it doesn't matter who, radically reduces ambient sound to the extent of being positively spooky. In our lulled state, we had temporarily forgotten the distant deployment. As for operation Seasonal Festivities, the Fruitcakes are I am afraid loftily unsympathetic to other camps' complaints of December birthdays. We have 4 yes FOUR birthdays in December - En2 and 3 Arfs. Ho, ho, ho. Not.

Saluting hellos to camp Ham and all her agents either present and correct or awol. Hope operation ‘feed the masses’ successful, it will be lovely when ds4 and gf are actually in.

Camp ham is not happy as oven keeps turning down the temperature I think the AWOL en3 has called for back up from the gremlins to play mischief on us .

camp chaos has no agent in situ - just double agent K9 and three feline agents - but POW is still kept on high alert with missions of agent chaos and ex romeos 1 and 2 - new interesting times ahead - double agent K9 had a surprise attack from nasty big dog who almost disposed of wee dog - luckily animal MASH saved the day with lifesaving surgery - feline numbers diminished - 3 have decamped over the front line to next street ( all ginger boys) leaving 3 girls - one very ancient 20 year old in the numbers

Good to receive roll call from camp chaos. Ens In pear tree orchard can report the demise of long lived ginger stripy kitty in the summer. At the start of bootcamp, new teeny tiny kitten feline Agent arrived In camp. High level diplomatic negotiations opened with camp canine and several weeks of hissing and hiding in, canine agent and tiny fuzz ball kitten have become friends. Sadly the huge black and white possibly half panther kitty has taken against tiny fuzz ball kitten. Much hissing growling and more growling from 8yr old established cat has heralded his departure from camp, apart from regular trips to the kitty food bowl for the adored whiskers pouch. Eye watering level of spondoolies in pet insurances but having read of recent troubles in camp chaos, rather glad we’ve got it!

Camp Tokoloshe in relatively good shape, ARF agent Oyster no longer being permanently in camp. However, said agent attended weekend manoeuvres with EN and small sister agent and a code 'good time' was, remarkably, had by all. EN very concerned as past 2 visits for weekend manoeuvres have raised possibility that agent Oyster has code 'grown up a bit' - EN shocked to return to camp after Saturday morning expedition to find said agent had spontaneously and without direct orders code 'done the housework'. On Sunday agent Oyster appointed self as NCO of camp and commanded small sister agent to code 'help with the washing up'. EN went to lie down in a darkened room to recover. Agent Shrimp - small sister agent - is undergoing extensive operations code 'assessments' in attempt to acquire alphabet soup of diagnoses. EN and agent Shrimp in final few days on overseas assignment, and preparing to return on leave to Blighty. Possibility camp will relocate in next couple of years :o Agent Oyster preparing to meet camp of origin in shape of code 'birth father'. Telephonic communications have been established. EN engaged in operation 'smile benignly and don't get involved'.