Archived Forums

View latest posts View active forum
  1. Archived Forums
  2. Difficult times
  3. Whats the best response?

Whats the best response?

rosegarden January 11, 2018 18:00
We have had a huge amount of contact with DD's older sibling (who was initially placed with us but has spent the last few years back in local authority care) over the last few years. DD and he talk regularly on their mobiles, share photo's and have direct contact very regularly. He calls us mum and dad, still and we regularly attend things and act in that capacity although we have no actual rights without an AO. We thought it was for the best to enable the children to have this relationship and as it was actually part of the terms of our AO with DD. At the last contact he told us he had been in contact with BF. Dd was upset and was able to clearly explain why and he seemed to take that on board. He reassured her he had her in mind and although upset she believed him. Today we have had a letter from SS saying he has been in contact with BF and now wishes to return to their care. He is 17 with learning difficulties and would not be able to live alone. He is not able to live with DD so that isn't an option. SS have helpfully pointed out that this have implications for us, our placement and DD safety. My question is... What could I feasably ask them to do in the situation? I can see they can't force him to do anything but can't help feeling that it's an easy escape for them. They can now just walk away and leave us to sort anything out in the future. It just seems so upsetting that all of the last years have been for nothing and now could potentially actually put DD (who will be devastated when she finds out) in danger. A solicitor seems an idea, but demanding peace of mind seems an impossible waste of money!
Edited 17/02/2021
Bop January 11, 2018 18:45
((Hugs)) That sounds like a really difficult situation. As you say there is probably little you can do to stop him going to live with them, but I would seek legal advice to check that out. If you can't stop the move, then the question becomes how do you support and protect DD. I guess helping her to make good decisions around contact with her sibling and keeping herself safe, and helping her to process tricky stuff that comes out of it. From a positive perspective, hopefully this will help her to develop skills that will be helpful later in life as she learns to navigate through the complexities of her birth and adoptive families and at least SS recognise the complexities of the situation.
Edited 17/02/2021
Flosskirk January 11, 2018 19:47
Realistically he can do what he likes when he turns 18 which is just round the corner. Thing is, so can your daughter. So you might have to manage the situation to keep birth family on board. Is the bf a danger?
Edited 17/02/2021
Pear Tree January 11, 2018 23:38
Hi Ss could ask the lad doesn’t speak about dd and her details, and agrees not to post pictures of her on social media and remove any pictures currently available. In return, he won’t share about bf? Would ss broker a meeting? Obviously these things aren’t very solid in terms of your protection but there’s something at least there to build on.
Edited 17/02/2021
rosegarden January 12, 2018 11:53
Thanks everyone. I'm feeling a bit more accepting today. We have been in a similar situation on more than one occasion in the past when our details were 'accidently' leaking twice during the AO stage and then when BF contacted the press and told them that their children had been placed with a paedophile and gave hubbies name and address! There have also been lots of threats which have never come to anything so really I think (hope) we are fairly safe. BF have never been convicted of any crime as all the children have learning difficulties which make it to difficult to get any hope of a conviction. They seem to live a life of denial and are just obsessed with contact with our daughters (from the small amount son has told me following his contact with them). Our main option would seem to be moving house but obviously that's a bigger step and although we have considered it regularly it has not come to that yet. I think for now I will just speak to LA and see what, if anything, they can help with, especially with regards to the children's future. I'm not holding my breath on that one!
Edited 17/02/2021
pluto January 12, 2018 12:24
As the boy has learning problems he is unlikely to fully understand the implications of this actions or future actions, so can not given the responsibility not to tell. If I was in your situation I would cut down on all direct contact including electronics and only have letterbox. Go back to court and get that contact order changed, now is the time to get it all sorted!
Edited 17/02/2021
Lettice January 13, 2018 09:44
Sorry to hear this, it sounds really complex. One surprisingly good thing is that you say SS have recognised that this has serious implications for your family. You use words like "safety" and "danger" this is really important. Do you have this recognition from the SS in writing? Another key point that occurred to me is to question the risk to your DD's sibling's finances. It's very common for unscrupulous and semi-unscrupulous "friends" and "families" to be attracted by PIP etc. SS will be well aware of this dynamic. Could you bring that up in your discussions?
Edited 17/02/2021

Archived

This topic is archived. New posts are not allowed.