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Hope you are not beating yourself up Shadow! You are human, and it's normal to get stressed when you are constantly living with someone who dumps all their negative emotions on you. I think personally that massage, reflexology and hypnotherapy are the best, as well as lots of tea and sympathy with friends. But it's hard to find time or indeed money. Be kind to yourself, breath deeply and slowly, scream in the garden, cry at a great film, and don't forget you - the real you - who was there even before Shadette! Love and hugs, Phoebe x

i think it would be impossible to live as many of us do and not get secondary trauma and stressed. I try to deal with mine by taking as much physical excercise as possible, bike riding,swimming etc. After a particularly rotten episode I found a good scream at the shore line very theraputic (don't worry no one will come near you!) Not sure that I am very good at keeping it hidden being falsely jolly seems to press their buttons even more, they are well aware that they are stressing me out and trying to act as if I am not just makes them up the ante. Good to see you back Best wishes Jazz

I do struggle with stress and secondary trauma and try to manage it by looking after myself and taking me time when the kids are at school. I've also started some counselling and that is helping - I'm very fortunate as my counsellor is also an adopter and "gets" it. Even with all that sometimes it leaks out....I'm trying to accept I'm only human and not beat myself up about it.

I've found going to a psychotherapist extremely helpful - currently having some EMDR with my psychotherapist which is very good for trauma.

I've been put on antidepressants & have been having CBT sessions which have helped.

I run up hills.

Goodness, you all seem so healthy. I eat too many biscuits ( on a good day) and treat myself to wine (on a not so good day). Maybe I should try running. However I think anyone who would witness this strange event would also suffer from trauma ;) On a sedrious note - I would love to speak to someone / anyone who 'gets it' such as a counsellor. However, I just seem to get get a baffled and confused looking GP who thinks he can see a 'happy ever after' scenario after years of IVF.