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Also, because the girls are sharing a room, I initally said I only wanted short term, respite or emergency placements, so as much as my eldest is supportive of the idea of him staying with us...forever....the only grumble she has is that she doesnt want to share a bedroom with little sis forever. Should I mention this to the LA? The SW's are coming on Tuesday to discuss the proposal with me so it can be put to the judge in December. Please feel free to PM if you prefer- Thanks!J

Hi J,not in a major position to know how to help but I would urge you to mention all of your thoughts and concerns to the sw as they may be able to help even in some small way with all your issues and if they want this to work I would hope they would want to make it the best for all of your family. I know there are a lot of people who feel frustrated at not getting the help they want but the opportunity is there for you to ask for the best possible help and hopefully if you have a good sw they will help you to get as much of the things that would help as possible so list it all with reasons and maybe the system will do it's best by you.ever hopeful,soul sesnsor

Have no personal experience of this but know of other carers who have recieved financial help to make changes to their homes in order to accomodate long term foster children - either by way of grant or interest free loan. Think you should also consider whether it is likely that you may need regular respite in the future and get this agreed now - even if it just daycare to give you some time alone with your girls.Hope all goes well for you xx

I think the single biggest thing you need to be firm about is appropriate financial support. A lot of authorities go down the line of "DLA covers all that". A few years ago we wrote an exhaustive list of all the extra financial demands placed on us by one of our children - it was rather alarming as it showed how inadequate DLA actually was. You need to remember things like transport costs, household casts, wear and tear, holiday costs ( just as an example you may need to have a more expensive holiday that provides more entertainment for your diverse family and gives you a bit of a break) sitting costs, support in the home just to mention a few. Clarify with SS if they will be willing to purchase any specialist equipment he might need in the future, and if they will cover things such as school trips. If not, don't forget to factor that in when considering what is an appropriate package.I would also get the wheels in motion to make sure you can have some respite , starting now, before you feel you are really desparate for it. Not only will this give you a break but allow you to do things with your other children. Try not to get into a posistion where SS are saying that they will sort it out when you need it - you will probably find that they will wait until you are desparate and then be scratching around at the 11th hour for any FC with a spare bed to have him for the weekend.It would also be worth knowing what autonomy you will be allowed as a long term carer. For example will you be given permission to sign for things such as school trips, routine medical treatment etc? It may not sound a big thing but having to get everything signed by SS is a real nuisance and constantly makes the child seem as if he is not "yours"Try to look ahead a bit - what will the LA approach be if, for example, he needs a school place out of area that may have cost implications - will they be supportive? What sort of leaving care package could be in place when the time comes ( and I know it is not something that can be looked at too closely, but it is always as well to get a feel of what sort of responsibility and resources are available for a young person with severe needs.)Will there be contact expected, and if so what support can you get? What therapeutic input would you be entitled to if the need arises?Finally do ask about being given support to extend your home. It is not easy to get funding for this but it is possible and is a perectly reasonable request to make. As the little one gets older you daughters will need and deserve their own space, and family life could become miserable if there is resentment because the girls can't have this. Don't even consider going down the feeling guilty route about this. To place the little chap out of area, or in a specialist unit would cost far far more than anything you are asking for!Best wishes, Queenie

Thank you so much soul sensor, wriggles and queenie for your advice. You mentioned some really valid points queenie which I have jotted down in preparation for Tuesdays meeting. I really appreciate it. Thank you. J x

Hi,Please make sure you don't share your email addresses on the boards - we have the private messaging function for your use so that you don't have to do this.Best wishes,Moderator

Hi Ok, thanks very much for letting me know.J