Edited 17/02/2021
5 years in a life is still difficult with 3!
mysti
June 10, 2013 15:03
Hi thereI am a mother to 3 little girls who we adopted almost 5 years ago. I am completely new to this type of forum thing, so please forgive me for the lack of abbreviations etc.We adopted our girls when they were only 1, 2 and 3. We only wanted 1 child, but the SS were very good at convincing us that ''you can do it and without you they will be separated''!5 years in and their are no signs of things easing. My middle child seems determined to break up this family. Her behavior is completely unreasonable, she is defiant, un-cooperative, violent, rude beyond belief, we never know one minute to the next how she is going to react (eg today the grass is the wrong shade of green and tomorrow the wind will be blowing in the wrong direction, but the grass is the right shade of green!), she is totally demanding of me and my time and it feels like all she wants is it just to be me and her! I have been down the route of regression, she was under a child psychologist for a year before it coming to an end and whenever we call SS for support we get the obligatory visit with a sympathetic ''there there, you are wonderful parents but keep reading THE book - (Dan Hughes)'', which I am not saying doesn''t work but by the end of the day I am emotionally drained and have no energy to read a book! It doesn''t matter what we give her time/love/support..it is never going to be enough, she just wants more and more so that her sisters have/get nothing of us!I am at the end of my tether with her and I feel/know the attachment is breaking down. I feel so angry towards her and feel that I have nothing left to give...she has drained me completely. And I know it''s not her fault but it doesn''t stop me from blaming her. And because of her demanding and needy ways, I get no time with the other two, who are beginning to resent her. Their behavior is within the ''norm'' for their ages (but desperate for some attention), but the little one is copying the bad behavior making life pretty horrid. Sorry to whinge, but I am hoping there is someone out there who feels like me cause I feel so guilty and hate myself for it!ps - I am not a good advert for anyone wanting to adopt 3!!!!!!
Serrakunda
June 10, 2013 15:21
welcomesounds like hard workI only have one and at the moment we are OK- keeping everything crossed it stays that way!There are lots of people here who share your experience. You might be better posting on the adopters board as this one isnt read as much
Edited 17/02/2021
mysti
June 10, 2013 15:50
OK, I'll do that and thank you for responding.Good luck and keep strong...
Edited 17/02/2021
mama1
August 14, 2013 22:24
Pm'd you.
Edited 17/02/2021
lilyofthevalley
August 25, 2013 09:29
Have you considered whether she might fit the criteria for ADHD and possibly ODD? My AD was diagnosed with both. Her behaviour was very difficult as a child. The medication, Ritalin, made a big difference.Lily x
Edited 17/02/2021
aprilshowers
August 25, 2013 09:52
hello and welcome mysti,I too am mum to three, mine are now 18, 16 and 15, and were placed as older children at 8 6 & 5. It is hard, it is relentless, and it takes its toll on us the parents, affecting us in ways we were never warned about. Firstly I would suggest that you look at your health and emotional needs, this push me pull me between all your children does wear you out, you have said that you are emotionally drained at the end of each day...this ongoing stress is not good for you, and you are the most important person in your household, without you there is no them...if you see what I man.I describe my children to others as with special needs, and unwell, we have never been able to get any form of diagnosis or statements for education so we struggled on, and still do, We too have an aggressive angry child that no matter what you do or what is going on around her nothing is right, one day the bacon has to be fried the next it has to be grilled, one day in December if it is sunny then it is summer and she will wander about in summer clothing, when it starts to sleet then it is my fault for not telling her its December...I am sure you are very aware of these types of scenarios So what can do, well you can go back to the so called proffs, and get a needs assesment,push for more help for your girls in school, go to your gp with your concerns, I found it helpful to have a lot of stuff written out as sometimes the emotions just take over. Take any offers of help xtended family and trusted friends, even if it means splitting up the girls then just do it and live with the fall out, with three we found that there are very few people that will take all three so you have to be a bit inventive. Look at what your local community offers in way of clubs childcare etc, get your self some you time.WE on here do truly understand, and WE will do our very best to support you and yours.
Edited 17/02/2021
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