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The straw that broke.......
siouxsie
August 14, 2013 08:36
My chocolate orange was stolen out of the fridge! Not a major thing I know but it''s the casual dismissal of "I''m not a fan of it anyway" and total barefaced lies that drives me insane! She is nearly 18 and has been doing this sh*t since she was two, so wearing. Especially when it comes on top of so many other things that would be classed as MAJOR. She will not tell me the truth.I may seem as if I''m getting worked up over a silly thing, and I know I am, but this makes me feel that all the work we have done with her over 15 years has had no effect at all. She is still lying and stealing. Her twin brother, who left home at 16, is a compulsive liar. can psychopathy be inherited? I don''t want her to go the same way but feel powerless to stop it from happening. Feeling very helpless right now, bloody worn out from trying to act normally in front of others, work, neighbours, friends when we are having to deal with all this, and I don''t mean the chocolate orange, I wouldn''t have eaten it anyway but it was a gift.
Ma
August 14, 2013 09:16
Sometimes it is the smaller things that hurt the most. My AD was sick a couple of years ago on her birthday. She could not have her cake, and we left it on the side for when she was better. The next morning a big slice was taken out of it.......my AS took it. We hadnt even put the candles on. Neither if us have ever forgotten the feeling of seeing that in the morning. I do understand about the chocolate orange. It was yours, as much as ã100 stolen from your purse, or in my AS's case, more serious taking of others property. Its the principle, and the fact that your kids, and my AS just dont get that principle, and in my opinion he never will. Sending thoughts. x
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suffolk puff
August 14, 2013 09:29
dear onedo NOT diminish the value of the chocolate orange...not on here, with us....we 'know' what it all means...really know...When this stuff happens to me...I have learnt to reward myself doubly to compensate.It helps to fill the empty spaces which are sucked out of you by the relentless behaviours directed at you, which can fill with anger, resentment and bitterness if we leave them unfilled.There is nothing wrong in making sure your young person can SEE and FEELS that you are rewarding yourself as a direct consequence of their behaviour. It is showing them YOU are of value, not someone who is just there to be the butt of how they feel about themselves.You deserved that gift....so go ahead and make sure you get what you deserve.YOU are just as important as your dd...more so in fact...because without you continuing to keep going with all the sh*t where would she be?Its just not possible to make a change in people who are not able/receptive/anti making a change to themselves..but you can change the way it makes you feel when they direct the behaviour AT you.so..yes...it was a major thing to have the chocolate orange stolen from you...(come on siouxsie...its chocolate after all never is chocolate a 'silly issue')get back on your camel and give yourself some good times, good things and kindness, care and compassion...all the things you definitely DO deserve, and stop aiming for normal...adoption doesn't bring normal to many of us. I have just bought myself a new wall hanging...it is prominent in the lounge and says..'REMEMBER - as far as anyone knows...we're a nice normal family'raises a wry smile around here I can tell you!!!wishing you a nice stash of some stuff you love to have and enjoy...please replace the stolen item of value and thought and love given as a gift to YOU today...much lovexxx
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Fruitcake
August 14, 2013 14:59
I think we all have these moments. My nadir was reached when my ds stole his little brother's "Bambi" DVD - my equivalent to your chocolate orange and Ma's dd's birthday cake. (He flogged it to get cash for himself.) This was a minor incident in the scale of things, particularly as I could easily afford to replace the DVD, but has iconic status for me as a representative of my son's behaviour at its worst.Small reason to hope: he hasn't done anything like this for a few years and has developed much more of a conscience now. Some of our sons and daughters do improve as they mature, slowly.
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true
August 14, 2013 17:29
we borrowed a family friends expression 'i have only one straw left . . .'
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Pear Tree
August 14, 2013 18:54
NoNot sillyHugely significant Very painfulPriceless lossClearly understood hereBlossom once took a new lipstick Screwed it up so it mushed into the lidI didn't know til I went to use it I recal sobbing...
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siouxsie
August 14, 2013 19:27
Thank you all for your kind replies and valued advice. You have helped me a lot today.Good news - I spoke to AD this morning and she admitted that she had taken it. I was so pleased and surprised that she was able to tell me as last night she was adamant that it wasn't her! She has been shopping today with her sister and has bought another choc orange! I did tell her that she had to replace it and we have since shared it around the family. I recently re-read Helen Oakwater's 'Bubble Wrapped children' and it resonated with me when she wrote that traumatised children don't mature, they just get bigger and older. I know that is what's going on here. She is all over the place at the moment.Thank you again for your supportive words, they have really helped today, as has a two hour walk with my dog! X
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jezebel
August 14, 2013 19:44
camels who adopt need back braces, steel rods inserted in the spine
Edited 17/02/2021
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