Edited 17/02/2021
Too young to be listened to?!
Brie
September 1, 2013 21:12
My DH has 2 BC from a previous marriage. They come and stay with us every other weekend and in school holidays. We love having them around and they are lovely with our AS. Recently though they have increasingly said they wish to spend more time with daddy and see him 3 weekends a month instead of 2. They say they miss him and 2 weeks feels like ages. We have always had a doors always open policy with them so my DH took them back to their mothers today and tried to talk about it. Her reply was that they are only children and have no right to decide where they want to go. She also said we are manipulating them and spoil them so obviously they want to stay with us. We don''t spoil them we just spend quality family time together. They are aged 10 and 12. I think this is old enough to have an opinion and a voice in this situation or am I wrong?
Flutterby
September 1, 2013 21:50
Having come from a "broken home" myself, I can only agree that children should have a say in when they want to see their parents. Although things were difficult between my parents, they did have rule that we could visit whenever we wanted. In a way, age does not come into play (up to a point). Sadly a lot of divorces include manipulation games, where the children end up as pawns. It is a very tricky situation and sometimes reasoning will not yield the desired result. Maybe you could speak to a mediator who may be able to help everyone involved talk to each other. Unfortunately, children have to understand the harsh reality of divorce, which is that they will never live with both parents again and chances are their parents will not even be able to tolerate each other for a long time because of some long-held anger. It should not be like this, but it mostly is. And if the other parent does not appreciate that the children are not "just" children but people in their own right with feelings and rights, then things can really be difficult. Are there any relatives who might be able to act as mediators? Otherwise there are professional mediators who specialize in divorcing/divorced couples.Hope you will manage to sort something out, especially for the children's sake too.
Edited 17/02/2021
Flutterby
September 1, 2013 21:53
Having come from a "broken home" myself, I can only agree that children should have a say in when they want to see their parents. Although things were difficult between my parents, they did have rule that we could visit whenever we wanted. In a way, age does not come into play (up to a point). Sadly a lot of divorces include manipulation games, where the children end up as pawns. It is a very tricky situation and sometimes reasoning will not yield the desired result. Maybe you could speak to a mediator who may be able to help everyone involved talk to each other. Unfortunately, children have to understand the harsh reality of divorce, which is that they will never live with both parents again and chances are their parents will not even be able to tolerate each other for a long time because of some long-held anger. It should not be like this, but it mostly is. And if the other parent does not appreciate that the children are not "just" children but people in their own right with feelings and rights, then things can really be difficult. Are there any relatives who might be able to act as mediators? Otherwise there are professional mediators who specialize in divorcing/divorced couples.Hope you will manage to sort something out, especially for the children's sake too.
Edited 17/02/2021
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