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HiMy AS was 7.5years old when he came home. He also came from a busy foster care home. He really needed to know that his new cousins really existed and he was worried that although he had seen photos of them, they were not really real. We introduced AS to his cousins a couple of days after he came home on advise from SW. They played for a couple of hours and then went. It was really successful as AS got to play and know the were real and would come and play. We kept everyone else at arms length and introduced family very slowly over a period of a few weeks. 2 years on and the cousins all have a really strong bond and i think it worked well.

That's a relief thanks... I think my instincts are right! I want to introduce my best friend who will be a major source of emergency childcare, and two teenagers who she is really excited about - I think as a little daredevil she's hoping they'll be out climbing trees with her!

My LO was a lot younger. But like you I introduced my Mum during intros. And, I then very quickly introduced my closest friend - which has worked brilliantly. My LO gets on so well with my friend and it has helped me out enormously to know there is someone who can help out, e.g. with childcare. Everyone else was kept at arms length. When LO met some older children a few weeks after coming home, that also worked very well. However, I realise my LO was a lot younger (under 2 years) so am not sure if this helps at all.

At the moment every scrap of advice from anywhere is helpful thank you!

Mine came home today and they have already met their cousins. I am hoping to take them to church on Sunday as that is where most of my support network is. As they are a similar age to yours and as a single carer myself I think you need to go with what is natural to you. If you are a stay at home sort of person then you won't be raring to go out and meet other people but if like me you need people around you for your own sanity then this is the reality the children are coming into. Obviously if the children are not coping I will pull it right back.

About a week into placement I had one of my close friends and her kids visit. It worked really well, providing much needed adult company for me and a playmate for Starling (who was nearly 5). We both needed that bit of a break and change of focus from it just being me and her. I've always had a good bond with my friend's eldest (a precocious 3 at the time) so both girls were psyched up to be friends with photos and bits of info about each other before they met. They have a lovely friendship now (they seem to meet half way developmentally which works out!) and can't wait to see each other - which works out well as I get to see lots of my friends too Because it was her birthday not long after placement, I introduced a couple more friends in time for her to invite them herself to her party. My family live a long way away so we agreed for them not to visit until Starling was settled into school - but we did Skype a couple of times before the first visits both ways and have regular phone contact between visits now which is very important to her.It has been a gradual build up over the first few months. Then I slowed things down a bit to give her the chance to get to know the people she'd already met (and the ones more likely to be around on a regular basis) a bit better before introducing any more faces. A lot of it has been guided by the support I need as a single parent, but within the parameters of what she can handle. Luckily for us there is ample wriggle room between what I need and what she can manage in that regard! I know it's not the same for everyone.

Simba was 7 when he came home on a Tuesday. He met my uncle as he drove us home. We had friends over for a couple of hours onthe Sunday. We went to meet nanny and grandad the following Friday but would have gone sooner is nanny hadnt been recovering from an operation.I think you need to do what you need to do to stay sane as a singly. If you dont see other people it will be hard and if your LO is used to being round other fosterlings etc they may find it hard as wellPlay it by ear, do what feels right for you have fun

Hi Kstar,I think because Munchkin is 6 it would be almost impossible, and probably quite terrifying, to expect her to stay ensconced at home with just you on her own. It is different with a baby or very young child, but with a 6 year old who is used to going out to school etc, keeping her isolated from every one would be impossible. I would however, just keep it to your close support network and try and introduce her to them one at a time,rather than all at once. Little and often would probably be better and you can judge how she is coping with it all.Just remind others to direct her to you, or check with you, if she asks for something from them so that you sre emphasised as MUM.Good luck - Not long now

Awesome advice everyone thanks - and it basically is what my instinct was myself, it's very reassuring to hear from other people that my instincts are ok!I know it will totally depend on her and obviously we will be very flexible, but she is asking her FCs endless questions about my family and friends and who her playmates will be, so I think she will need company! Sorry to be a pain and keep asking, but in general is it better to meet people at your own house, their house or neutral territory? I wasn't sure whether she might have territorial issues, especially with other children!

As mentioned above, my LO was a lot younger, but we stuck to meeting at home or on neutral territory until relatively recently. Because of LO's age, it was felt other houses might be confusing, i.e. LO might think they were moving again!!! BUT on a practical note, I found it less stressful being at home. Initially, I was quite anxious about what LO might do/not do and it felt easier to manage on home ground. Also, I think it helped LO to feel more secure and to begin to bond with me. Neutral territory also worked well. However, I am sure adopters with children closer to your daughter's age will be able to help much more.Minnie x

We did a mixture of meeting new people at home and in neutral places such as the local park. We felt that it would be too much for AS to meet new people and be in a strange place. At least at home he knew where everything was. We also found "bumping into people" at the local park and having a brief chat worked well, no pressure on anyone and plenty of space for AS to run around and have fun without feeling like he was in a goldfish bowl being looked at!One thing hat worked well was a pop up play tent. We put this up in the dinning room and AS would sit in it if things were getting too much and he needed space to process information. 2 years on and the tent still comes out when we have friends over, he does not go in it much now but it is there if he needs a minute.

HelloI'm not on my own now- but have spent time as a single mum to my adopteesI got them into school and routines very quickly and tbh the advice was to do that, 11 yrs agoNow that's changed to keeping them inI think the thing is to keep them CLOSEIt's going to feel intenseAnd scarey for both of youSo keep her closeWash up togetherShop together, visit the park, take the dog out Do 'stuff'She needs to know good consistent care comes from you so tell the people round you that it's a big ask but if she'd like a drink for them to say 'ask your mum, she makes lovely hot chocolate' etcMy parents and my sister pledged to bring these children up and we have Mr pt joined our hapless band and were still an orchard committed!

My son was older, he came just before the summer holidays and we had about ten weeks of him at home with me, he came from a busy FC family. My very knowledgeable SW encouraged funneling, she spoke to my referees about how important it was and gave them directions. She was also realistic in suggesting that DS did meet some key figures in his life within the first week of being home. During HS I had identified my brother and my friend as key people in our support network and had anticipated that our close relationships would continue, and they would be a great support to DS. I had always went on holidays with my friend, and we had agreed that we would still do that, providing a child could cope of course. So it was important that DS got to know them and had the chance to start working out how our family worked.Within the first week or two of placement they came on separate short visits to meet DS. I still took responsibility for all the care, but they did play with DS, played bubbles etc. DS seemed to enjoy meeting them and would sometimes look at their photo in the intro book. I did keep the rest of the family and friends away for quite a lot longer than that.Nearly three years into placement DS has a fabulous relationship with both of them, the boundaries have been maintained. I am Mum, when they take him our or suggest things he misses me and tells them he will run things past me. So funneling was essential, however so was taking account of our individual circumstances. As a single parent you need to consider your own needs as well, I would have went up the wall without adult interaction of some sort. Last year I had to go into hospital, DS was looked after by both of them, so building a relationship with them was very important, as single parents we need to try to help our children have someone they can go to if we are ill. Nearly three years later I would say that some friends and family did feel a bit annoyed at being kept at arms length, and with hindsight I wished I had prepared them better. I also wish I had kept them up todate by phone or e-mail to help them to feel included, but I was too exhausted.

My ds also came from a busy fc and literally walked in my front door and out of the back to knock for the little girl next door the first time I brought him home. He played out a lot but I was careful to keep adults at arms length so it was only me caring for himMy dad was also waiting on the doorstep that first dayI think you have to go with what your little will needSuze x

You must make sure she knows you can cope though so a repeated phrase like 'mummy can take care of you' would be good it'll be a toughy but good luckSuze x

the home or neutral territory thing could be important where other kids are concernedMy best friend has twins who are two years younger than Simba, one in particular is a very strong character. Both of them are used to coming to my house, sticking a DVD on, ferreting in the cupboard for a drink, playing with the toys I had for child visitors. As more stuff started to appear for Simba, still with packaging etc on them, we had to do quite a lot of work with him to get him to understand that he couldnt open the boxes because they were Simba's and he would have to wait to ask Simba if he could play with it. It was hard work getting him to understand that this was going to be Simba's house now, not just mine. The first time they came we controlled their activity quite tightly, played a board game together. didnt let them loose in Simba's bedroom. Its worked out okay, the play/fight/argue they way you would expect three boys to, but its just something to be mindful of

Thank you - that's the kind of thing I was wondering about! So so useful everyone, thank you!I will probably be back 100 times...