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I'm no expert but that sounds like dsyregulation to me. If a child is dsyregulated they can't really manage their own behaviour. Perhaps your little one isn't ready to be left yet? My son wasn't ready at that stage, and three years in he still really struggles with his emotions and behaviour when not with me. Trust doesn't come easily to him. My son is nearly 9yrs old and will do similar stuff when dsyregulated. He needs a regulating adult to help him, thats easier said that done! He needs someone with a quiet and understanding manner, but also takes their time getting to know him, and is able to engage him at his level, not his chronological age. Perhaps your friend isn't the person to be able to do that for your child? Perhaps she reminds her of someone she once knew?My son has always had lots of separation anxiety and needs an adult who is able to regulate him. I have a few friends who can do that, however I also know a lot of very good friends who are parents, but are not able to do that for DS, despite trying. He just doesn't feel comfortable, reassured and regulated with them. This reduces my support network in terms of minding. At school he manages well with some teachers and not with others, he is calmer and his behaviour is more appropriate with the calm and engaging teachers, not the strict ones, when often people presume that strictness is what he needs. I'm not saying your friend is strict, just trying to explain that your childs behaviour is probably linked to how she feels without you, and how she is supported in your absence.Could you maybe wait until nearer October and find the childminder and then gradually build up time with her? I started my son at the childminder during the school holidays 15months into placement, he did an hour or two a week, and slowly built up a relationship and was then happy to go after school. The childminder is able to keep him regulated. If I tried to leave him with my sister or others in our network for an hour he would be off the wall with behaviour, despite them having kids of their own. We often spend all afternoon with my sister and he wants to visit them, but I am with him and I regulate him.Good luck, I know its hard, especially when others may not understand behaviour and think its just boundary testing.

Shortbread's comments are fair... I'm no expert either but I'd agree that your friend might not be a right person to look after your child, at least to respond to the challenges your daughter came up with. Though one hour is very little time to find a right response!I don't think you need to 'worry' about her behaviour – sounds like she was angry and anxious about you leaving her and perhaps didn't know how to relate to your friend – unless its sexual content is a first, in which case you'd need to look into this, as I'm not aware that this is standard 5yo behaviour.Telling your child that 'this isn't a nice thing to say' could sound judgemental and push her to repress whatever she's trying to express. Just a thought... Attitude isn't necessarily boundary testing, again it can be because some issues aren't discussed (or can't be expressed). She'll be feeling more secure if you help her find out what these issues are (and also show it's not problem that she has them) – not by tightening boundaries. Just another thought!

My 5 year old girl is in many ways the complete opposite - only too happy to be left - sadly that is because she is so used to it.I find distraction better than confrontation (however gentle). Also structure - have a plan of activities and no unstructured time if she can't handle it at the moment.Perhaps your friend could start by spending the hour at your house, with you there? Playing with LO while you do boring stuff such as washing up? Then move on to you 'popping out' to do something outside?Re: the poo and sexual stuff. From what I've seen of 5 year old girls, bodily functions in general are a source of fascination. Poo and willies are endlessly interesting, so is this thing my LO calls 'smooching'. However, I am also aware that my LO may have been exposed to inappropriate sexual activity - in fact, just from what her older sister has said about where they used to live, I would be very surprised if LO didn't witness adults having sex simply because it was chaotic and no-one was paying any attention to her She is also inappropriately friendly with adults, especially men, although I don't think it is sexualised - she wants a daddy - but she is very physically affectionate.I have tried to be very up front on the subject. We have got age appropriate books out of the library to talk about where babies come from. One of her favourite Xmas presents last Xmas was a fantastic book called 'I know where my food goes' which explains how food gets turned into poo! On the plus side she is the only child in her class that can tell you about saliva and knows what her oesophagus is That has given me the opportunity to shape the words she uses. I also talk a lot with her about parts of our body that are private, and what that means (e.g. it is OK for her to be naked in front of me or her sister, but not anyone else) - also what subjects she can talk to me about any time but aren't appropriate to talk about with others, and who are safe people if she needs help and her sister & I aren't around.I am very specific about the 'who' i.e. I name people. I found out she thinks that as soon as you know someone's name then they are not a stranger!

HiHaving got some advice from my social worker and also from a therapist who's been working with me since I adopted LO and whose job it is to support fostered/adopted families, I thought it may be useful to share what their thoughts were, in case anyone else is ever in the same situation.Social worker felt it was separation anxiety related and boundary testing and that maybe need to try it for a shorter period of time, say 30 mins and have some specific activities planned, talk to LO beforehand about activities, maybe get her involved in choosing them and set a timetable for the planned time away do she knows what to expect.Therapist felt it was again LO testing boundaries and that maybe since we've been trying it for about 4 weeks, she was starting to think 'oh this is how it's going to be and I don't like it, I'm going to test Mummy's friend and if I misbehave then maybe she won't want to look after me anymore and Mummy won't be able to go out and leave me'

Sorry had to stop mid post as iPad playing up!Anyway therapist felt important to carry on with trying these sessions and say to LO, 'i know you're not happy about it and I'm not either but this is the way it has to be', particularly when I have to return to work.Going to do some prep and trial sessions with child minder well before I return to work and also with grandparents so she gets used to someone else looking after her for periods. Discussed emotional Dysregulation and understand this a bit more now and makes sense from what I know of LO. Hope this helps others a little.Thanks for all your comments and replies...really good to get some feedback from others who've been there and get some different perspectives!Loopy

Hi L,I have PM'd you.Melodie