Edited 17/02/2021
Accepted onto stage 1,then personal set back due to significant life event - anyone any experience of?
Fordy
April 7, 2019 06:29
Hi, The other half and I were shocked if honest to get accepted onto stage 1. We had started our SW visits, our reading, some of the workbook etc,and should have now started training. However, just over 3 weeks prior to the training starting I was the victim of crime,resulting in an acute reaction to stress. I've reached out for support however NHS wait lists mean it could be 3+ months yet before my trauma therapy starts. In the interim I've utilised victim support,works counsellor, and my GP. Our SW has been really understanding. She's just glad I've been open with her. She has postponed our training and actual assessment but is continuing with visits until she feels I'm ready. She's assured me that things like this have happened to others, and that they have at the right time gone on to adopt she did say about how there are courses each month, so we can pick stuff back up once ready. It's lovely to hear such stuff from the SW, I just wondered if anyone had been through it/similar from the prospective adoptive parent side? I had already had my medical already which I guess supports that prior to the incident I was in a stable condition, so it is clear what has triggered me. The GP,NHS counsellor, works OHS, And works counsellor are also all very clear that this is a normal reaction to what I have been through.
safia
April 7, 2019 08:50
I have no experience of being in your position but have been in the position of trying to get the right kind of help for my daughter after having been a victim of a very serious crime and all I can say is that while 3 months seems like a long time to wait in fact it is very short and it seems like youâve got all the right sort of support really quickly. Also your SW seems really supportive and everything she says is really positive. Itâs good that sheâs continuing to visit while you are on hold and that the training workshops take place each month. Sounds like everything is in place so just try and relax and concentrate on your recovery. Itâs really important that you deal with this now as fully as possible before a traumatised child is placed with you as that can trigger all sorts of things
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Fordy
April 7, 2019 09:33
Thanks Safia. I have friends with children with varying conditions including Aspergers; ADHD; autism; etc. I really feel for them with the time it takes to get them any form of support, and also the frustration it causes the parents when meeting brick walls. I have utmost respect for them and the energy they find to keep trying other avenues. I also feel for the child who in the meantime is struggling to express themselves. I think for me one of the biggest things that I've found me doing during the wait, despite how supportive the SW is, is questioning myself: Ie if I have struggled with this,could I support a child through something like it? I guess though that is the whole purpose of the home study and assessment meetings etc, to establish how you handle delicate situations;and how self aware you really are etc; Every one will likely of had things occur in life that they will have to really reflect on including what they have learnt from, it's just my experience happens to have been a little more recent.
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Bop
April 7, 2019 22:37
I think that whilst the experience was awful and the wait frustrating, it will actually make you a better adoptive parent - many adoptees have trauma histories and this will allow you to empathise with them at a far deeper level and maybe understand their reactions that on the surface come sometimes seem really bizarre. You are doing the right thing, taking time out and looking after your needs - you will heal xx
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woodlands654
April 11, 2019 15:56
I have heard from others that there are lots of times when the SW will suggest you take a break to put yourself first. When you're ready they will be there to pick things back up. A family loss, cancer diagnosis are examples of what I've heard. Each now are nearly finished the process or already have a child running around their home. I get the impression that the Panel are concerned with people who have never suffered trauma of one sort or another. Oddly, when you feel the time is right to return to the process, the SW and Panel will likely view you in an even more positive light.
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chocolatedog
April 12, 2019 22:12
Yes my dad died a couple of weeks before we were due to go to the adoption panel (not matching - the approval stage) and when I rang our SW she said the panel would have to be postponed as the death of my dad was a 'significant bereavement'. We actually then delayed for a couple of years as it happens, as then our dogs were getting old and we felt it wasn't the right time. After they had both died, we got a puppy and again decided to wait until we had got past the puppy stage, and then finally went back. We had to redo the training but the whole process the second time was much faster as they already had a lot of material which just needed a quick update.
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Cheekycat
April 14, 2019 09:50
Hi We too had a couple of set backs firstly my hubbie for made redundant so things were out on hold for a short while until he found a new job although he had redundancy money luckily enough he found a new job quickly. This wasduring the assessment process. Secondly after being approved and waiting to be matched my father in law passed away suddenly last November and yes it was a significant bereavement so things were put on hold again for around 3-4 months to allow for the grieving process it would not have been good to take on a child who has experienced loss then when we ourselves were going through this and psychologically were in no position to take on a child. We are still waiting a match now the whole process is very much up and down with lots of hurdles but in the long run it makes you more resilient as potential parents and will help you when the child does come your way. Social workers like to see this. Good luck!
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Fordy
April 14, 2019 10:01
Thanks ever so much everyone. I'm sorry to hear the traumas you have been through,but really appreciate you sharing. Hearing how others have had gaps of multiple months-years leaves me feeling more hopeful. I agree totally with the SW that now really wouldn't be the right time - A month on I'm much better than I was, And have been visiting work ready to return in the coming weeks, however I also know that the adoption process and taking on a child who will likely come with multiple complexities will be much more emotionally challenging than work. For those who have now been matched, congratulations, And for those who are still in the process good luck. Thanks once more x
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Littlesausage
April 14, 2019 10:23
At the end of stage 1 we were asked to wait a year before progressing as I had previously had cancer and they wanted me to be another year clear. They were really good about it and as soon as I contacted them on the run up to a year they let us pick back up where we had left off. We completed stage 2, went through matching panel on 10th March 2017 and our little sausage moved in 27th March at 3 months old on F2A so was a real whirlwind but we are 2 years down the line now and loving family life
Edited 17/02/2021
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