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We made it clear at the start that we wanted a girl. When it came up as part of the assessment we explained that having brought up one a BD we feel we would be off to a better start.

We were positively encouraged to choose the 'opposite' gender on the basis that there would be less room for (potentially unfavourable) comparisons. And although we were approved for either, we did end up with the other-and I can see their point...

thank you very helpful

Hi i posted about this on another thread but we have a boy so are actively looking for girls its helps eliemate comaption and also hopefully there intrests will be diffrent so it helps with jealouslyMy son has not intest in things like shopping ect so wont feel left out

Hi, I think if you have 2 or more BC that are the same gender then it would be a very wise move to specify the opposite gender for your AC. We were nervous about how to mention this (we have 3 BC of the same gender) but very quickly realised that the SW was strongly recommending the opposite gender! There are a multitude of reasons for this, and in so many ways having 2 (or more) the same gender makes this an easy decision. I guess you just have to be careful about mentioning it from the start as you don't want it to sound like it is your main motivation for adopting. Once SW's get to know you and your journey into adoption, then it is perfectly reasonable to discuss specifics such as gender, especially as this will affect the preparation for your BC. We are 2 years into a very successful opposite gender adoption and can't begin to imagine how it would have worked if we had opted for the same gender. Best of luck.

We have to BC (boys) and in May we were approved for an AD. From the start we stated that we wanted a girl and make it clear why. This was never an issue for either the sw or the adoption panel. We are now in the process of being matched. I've found being open and honest is the best way. =)

we wanted a boy because our youngest birth child is a girl and we thought a boy would be less of a threat to her. We never wavered from that although our SW did advise that the gap between BC and AC was more of a factor than gender. We agreed that it wasn't set in stone but in the end we were never approached about a girl anyway.

Forgot to say that the main thing is that if you have a preference you can explain why you have that is your preference and show you have thought it through, but flexibility is also a virtue!

HiI find the 'opposite gender recommendation' interesting... Reading these boards before we were approved, I discovered it was more common for people to go for the opposite gender to BC on the basis of it being less of a threat. When we discussed it with our SW they said they had never heard of this. In the end, we adopted a baby boy, having a BS (aged 6 at the time now 7). BS was clear he wanted a baby brother not a sister lol and so far (7 months in) we feel that the same gender was definitely the right choice for our family. They do (for want of a better phrase) 'boy things' together and I think BS would have felt more jealous and 'left out' if he had a sister, who he would have felt he had nothing in common with cos at the moment he thinks girls are annoying. I would also find it harder! But obviously everyone's different! And it is probably a lot different if you have more than one BC.Tbh I don't really get why it is seen as less of a threat to have opposite gender. I mean, what happens to the boy when you do the girly clothes shopping or whatever or vice versa? Do they tag along and feel left out or do you have to do everything separately? Obviously it's good for each child to have one-to-one time but not practical or desirable to do everything separately. Personally, I think the 5 plus year age gap is more important. BS would not have coped if we'd adopted say a 3 or 4 year old (we were encouraged by SW to consider children up to 2 years younger). He definitely would have found an older child more competition. There is some jealousy at times but tbh I don't feel it's any more than it would have been if we'd had another BC at the mo.Good luck!

Hi our BS was 8 years when we brought our AD home. I forget now, but I'm sure our SW asked us a few weeks into the home study what our preference was. We all including our BS wanted a boy, because it's what we know best and for practical reasons too. It's worked really well, only problem with the large age gap is our three year old darling wants what an eleven year old wants! X

Hi thereWe have 3 BC aged 27, 24 and 16. We have been approved to adopt a little girl of 1-4 years. The main reason was so that the 16 year old could keep his place as 'youngest boy' and also because I would so love a little girl so as I am not the only female in the household! Girl Power!

D if that's your email address on your post - and it looks like it is you need to ask the mods to change it for you.

Okay thanks. how do I do that?

I am new to this!

D I reported it for you.

Many Thanks. As you will see I now have a new user name. Thanks again.