Edited 17/02/2021
Living in the country or the city?
Red Dancer
March 9, 2010 11:20
We live in the middle of the city, which has a great range of ethnic mixes. Our dd goes to a little village school about 20 minutes away, in the countryside, as it is small, nurturing, and agreed to let her stay back a year, as she needed this for many reasons. It is mainly white middle class.The school is doing the best they can, and she is getting 1:1 support at present, and doing well there. We are applying for a Statement.My hubbie and I have always dreamed of moving just outside the city, to have the space, nature etc. Our dd is very physical, loves the outdoors, horse riding, swimming, and the countryside too.But lately (she is aged 6), she talks about herself as being brown (we''re white), and different, and sometimes she tells us she hates her skin colour. There are very few kids in her school of any ethnic mix.Having this awareness makes me hesitate to move into the country (albeit only about 20 minutes from the city), in case she feels more isolated. We''re not sure of her ethnicity - half Welsh, and perhaps half Turkish. She looks like a dark Mediterranean. Now I''m wondering if we should just stay in the city, with a view to placing her in a secondary school, with large ethnic mix. But this means we have to let go of our dream. And I sometimes think why should a child of mixed race/ethnicity be denied country living?We''d like to grow our own veg., think about global warming etc and sustainability, and what we leave her with in the future. But perhaps her needs outweigh these.Even within a multi-ethnic school, she might still feel she doesn''t quite belong. It''s hard to tell.Anybody got any views on this? Thanks.
treacle
March 9, 2010 13:50
Hello Red Dancer,I've just read your post and it really struck a chord with me. I'm mixed race and my DH is Black and we both grew up in White areas. I went to a village school (in Essex) where the only other Brown face was my brother and DH had one other Black child in his school (outskirts of London). We both had really tough times at school and they certainly weren't the best years of our lives. Your daughter saying that she hates her brown skin really pulled at my heart as I went through exactly the same thing. It's so hard to be 'different' from everyone else.We would also love to move out of London to more of a country setting as we can see so many positives which we were lucky enough to enjoy as children. However, the negatives far outweigh these at the moment and I think our daughter would really struggle with her identity. She loves her school with all the different cultures and skin colours and fits in so well. I can understand your dilemma completely but it has to be the right move for all of you.best wishes treacle x
Edited 17/02/2021
raspberry
March 9, 2010 14:17
Hi Red DancerLike Treacle I too am mixed (white Irish, Jewish, East Asian and South Asian) and so is my halfbrother (white/caribbean). I grew up in the 60s and 70s in a rural area and whilst I enjoyed the countryside I was racially bullied for most of that time and was unable to form any friendships, I really felt that animals were my only friends! My mother is mixed but looks white and my stepfather is white - without anyone at home to relate to you do need other people around who are similar. Attitudes may have changed since my day but for me the ideal would have been to live on the outskirts of a multi-cultural city but go into the city for schooling and recreation. I realise inner city schools may not be as good academically but feeling out of place and possibly suffering racism also affects academic achievement. It certainly did for me.I couldn't move away from the countryside quick enough and now have lots of friends, feel at peace with myself and my identity as a mixed race woman and have also gained a degree. I also took an ethnicity DNA test to satisfy myself and if the technology was there when I was a kid I would have hoped my parents would have done this for me as it has really helped. You may not want to do this for your child and in any event it can only show ethncity as nationality is a construct but it would determine if there is middle eastern ancestry. I hope this helps and wish you well in whatever you decide.
Edited 17/02/2021
treacle
March 9, 2010 14:27
Well said raspberry!!Being racially bullied at school shaped my whole life. I couldn't wait to leave school and did quite badly in my exams. I should have really been up and running for university but I couldn't face it.I now have a degree after returning to study as a mature student and feel happy and proud to be mixed race (or dual identity!!??) I suppose life is tough enough already for our little ones and it's all such a juggling act.
Edited 17/02/2021
Amymaria
March 19, 2010 20:40
My dh and I are white and our children - adopted - are black. We lived in a large city and had friends that were of several nationalities both asian, african, carribean as well as white friends. I wanted to move nearer my parents and we moved to a small town about 30 miles away from them -we had been 400 miles away. It did not work out for us at all as there were no other black people in this town and a lot of people had quite racist attitudes. After 18 months we moved back to the city and my eldest daughter went back to her old school (and the same teacher by great good luck as she loved this teacher). It just did not work for us. However, it may work better for you as you live near to the area you want to move to. It is very sad though that your dd is saying she hates her skin colour.
Edited 17/02/2021
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