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What are they approving you for? Fostering, kinship, SGO? If it’s fostering, then you should get a fostering allowance. However as he’s your brother then that might not be the case. I think you really need to clarify this - if they’re expecting you to reduce your work hours and you’re not currently being assessed and approved as fcs, there’s no guarantee that you will get an allowance. How will you manage contact with your family, your mother, if your brother is considered to be at risk of harm there. I think you need to get a lot of answers from social workers before going ahead.

Thank you for your response, all the social worker has said to me so far is that I need to be accessed as a foster carer as that is the route it goes down and that I will get guardianship of him until he is 18, to ensure that he is not moved around and is in a stable home. He is allowed to see my mum, I do believe. But speaking to my mum the social worker has told her that they need to arrange a family plan with her so they can move forward. Sidenote the social worker has also asked me and my mum to try and arrange something between us and propose it to them, and my Mum has pretty much said she is down for whatever just to get him out of care because he has family around him who is willing to look after him. I have a massive sheet of questions to ask the social worker when she comes round, but just trying to gather as much information as i can before they do come as I don't want to drown in all the information they will throw at us.

https://www.thefosteringnetwork.org.uk/policy-practice/policies/long-term-foster-care-and-permanence https://childlawadvice.org.uk/information-pages/special-guardianship/ https://childlawadvice.org.uk/tag/kinship-care/ Might be helpful stuff here

Sounds like a neat plan, and cheap for social services! Don't be too quick to agree, he has made allegations against his mother....... he's likely to make allegations against you. Will he accept you as authority figure? There is no way you can parent him through puberty if he'll not accept your rules and your husbands. Don't write too many details, this is an open board. This whole thing will have implications for your own adoption journey as well as the child is likely to have contact with your mother and she's unfit to parent in the eyes of ss. No idea what's wise to do, only you know the reason's leading up to this, write down your questions so you do not forget any. You have to explore the impact he'll have on your family as well, he's an older child who might be very angry about what happened to him. Sounds all very complicated.

Just to add to the comments others have made about the legal situation If you have to drop hours you may be entitled to tax credits, you should receive child benefit so you need to take that into account when looking at your finances. About the specific questions you have asked. If he moves in with you - you will be the parent and will need to set the boundaries and rules, doesnt matter what happens now. What do you think is best? What will keep him safe and out of trouble So - walking to school alone - is is safe, how far is it, does he get into trouble on his way, does he end up in the shop blowing that £10 a week on sweets and fizzy drinks. How close is the school, are you rural, city - its one thing allowing a 10 year old to walk to a school in the next street, its another if its half an hour walk across busy roads. I live in a fairly big city, I would say very few 10 year olds go to school on their own. What about coming home - will you be there, or are you expecting him to be on his own until you get home from work. Going out with friends - similar considerations - what's he doing ? What are his friends like. I didn't let my son out on his own until he was 11, when I was sure he had sensible friends, initally just to the common at the top of our road, then when he had earnt my trust ( came back on time etc) he was allowed out to different places and for longer periods of time. Pocket money varies enormously. Personally I can't imagine what a 10 year old will be doing with £40 a month, But its depends what you expect him to pay for. My 13 year old gets £15 a month ( I think I may be a bit stingy) but he is expected to save for holidays spends etc. If he wants to go to town for a McDs with his mates I give him extra There will be so many things like this that you will have to consider - but really its about what keeps him safe and out of trouble. 10 is still quite young, he will be going through a traumatic time, you have to establish yourself as the person in charge, not just big sister/brother. Personally I would start off keeping him quite close and loosening the strings when things have settled down and you can assess how much freedom is appropriate PS If this is your real name you really should change it

I didn't let my son at 10 walk to school on his own although it was only a 5 min walk because I couldn't trust that he wouldn't get distracted on the way there - there's a small park between home and school - so I used to take him to breakfast club - but I let him go to the park on his own because I knew he would find friends to play football with - there were lots of boys he knew from school so there would always be someone there. Occasionally he went with one of them to their house without telling me but that only happened once or twice. As for pocket money - mine would have spent it all on food and still ask for things he needed so it was very little but I paid for sports activities cinema and other things he needed / wanted as appropriate. I think it depends very much on the child. How well do you know your brother? Especially what it may be like living with him on a day to day basis. Do you know the details of the allegation (not suggesting you put it on here but you need to know for yourself) It seems very early for them to be thinking about permanence so perhaps there is more to it than you know

Pluto, the OP did not write that her brother made the allegations. I also don't think that just because someone makes allegations against their parents (which might be true), they will make allegations against someone else which are not true. I am aware that some children do that, but I don' think it is "likely".

I think people have made some very valid points and I can only think that things aren’t quite as straightforward as you’ve written them. Social workers don’t remove children on a whim so they must have some real concerns. We don’t know who the allegations were made about or, indeed, whether they were true. Some children do make false allegations. My concern is that their ‘plans’ atm seem a bit wishy washy. Whether the allegation is true or false, safeguarding both parties has to be paramount. And just suggesting you and your mum make your own plans doesn’t seem quite right. How will access/contact work? Does it need to be supervised? Has anyone asked your brother what he wants? Does he understand that you will be parenting him - I take it you will have parental responsibility? Shared? How does he feel about being parented by you and your partner? They want you to reduce your hours. To be there ... for when? School runs? What about school holidays, inset days, transition to secondary school? And how will this affect your future plans to adopt or are you happy to forget that for now? I admit I’m a cynic and I fully understand that we’re onky getting a snapshot here but just take care to think it through from all aspects - yours, your partner’s, your brother’s, your extended family. Don’t rush into it without thinking of long term consequences. Puberty is approaching. Teenagers are hard work. Don’t let social services rush you into making a decision.

I can understand your reaction of not wanting your brother to be in care. However, depending on circumstances there may be advantages to him to be in care - more access to services, for example, because the LA have a legal responsibility to him. You may be able to provide him with more stability and support as a big sister and her partner who he sees regularly than trying to be a 'parent' to a difficult teen (if he is difficult - as I said, depends on the circs) who will wear you and your partner out emotionally, physically and (with reduced hours) financially, plus possibly complicated family dynamics where whatever you do, someone will complain. That's worst case scenario! But don't assume being in foster care is the worst thing that could happen. And don't feel obliged to take him in - whatever pressure you're under from SWs and your mother. You may be the most convenient option rather than the best...

You need to be aware that you would not be allowed to consent to him staying overnight with a friend unless that household has been vetted by SS. I ran up against this when I provided kinship care for the two children of my adopted son and his wife. I got into trouble for allowing them to stay overnight with my adopted daughter and her female flatmate. Lily

Re pocket money - the recommendation in foster care is, a child gets per week the same as their age so ten years old would get £10. Also this is very convenient for SS. They are not thinking about you, or your plans, or how your relationships with your mother and brother could potentially change. They have suggested to you to foster, if you decide to go down this route, make sure you get the same allowances as foster carers in your area. If you are a kinship carer , again make sure you get allowance. As he is your sibling and you want him out of the system, please don't feel morally pressured into taking him without receiving allowance. Trust me, you will work hard and earn every penny of it. Think of all these expenses Food, clothing, Kitting out a bedroom, extra bill costs, ie electricity, water, heating, phone calls, petrol, activities. Attending meetings to arrange further meetings, if you need to take time off work potentially lost income. Also think very carefully about your relationship you currently have with your mother, that will change, because of confidentiality, you will breach it by discussing things with her, your mother will have less control and you will have the responsibility of the day to day care. Your mother will need to respect this in order for things to work. This may put a huge pressure on your relationship. Your relationship with your brother will change, yes you will still be siblings but as you have day to day responsibility for him, then he will have to take instruction from you. Think long and hard about this and do not be emotionally bullied into agreeing to this from either your mother or Sw. I feel for you as there is no easy answer. Whatever you decide, it will affect your adoption plans because if you don't take your brother then Sw may be use against you but if you do take him then he will be involved in your assesment and could ultimately change any recommendation. Good luck

Again about pocket money - my understanding is that the standard FC allowance for pocket money would not necessarily be given directly to the child but would be used for their "pocket money" type expenses - day to day treats, saving up for things etc. I might be wrong in this but we did go to initial meetings re applying to foster and this is my understanding. Similarly the pocket money my kids had I kept an account of rather than giving them the money and expecting them to save and this was then used for what they needed rather than giving it to them in their hands which would not have worked well. I think £10 is an awful lot to give a 10 year old directly unless they are very sensible

to throw a spanner in the works, different LA's operate kinship care in different ways, just as they do in mainstream fostering and in adoption. I think my own LA treats kinship (or connected persons) carers pretty much the same as mainstream, the same allowances, the same expectation to attend training, the same entitlement to 'earn' highr 'fee' elements due to levels of training. some LA's only offer kinship carers the basic allowances according to age. some pay a lower allowance. some have fewer expectations for ongoing training. so financially the picture is very varied and the only way to find out is to ask directly what allowances will I get, will this rise with age/training? what training do I need to do- basics mandatory training here is first aid, and a workbook along with 12 'core training' sessions, and for the age of your nephew therapeutic crisis intervention training. if you are a fc, mainstream, then you need to register as self employed to ensure that you don't pay tax on your fostering allowances, this also enables you to claiming working (but not child-for the fstered child) tax credit. you wont get child benefit for the child as a foster carer. some things to think about. in fostering you get the intrusions of sw's etc, reviews, meetings, keeping some kind of records of the childs day to day life- tho for kinship carers the reality is that this is usually not seen as important as it is in mainstream care. you'll need to ensure you attend all medical/school etc appointments, and they are many particularly in the early months. you are also bound by many rules that don't apply to your own children- these can vary from LA to LA. staying over at friends homes would need discussion initially but certainly in my LA as long as the sws are aware the child is away from home and staying with someone you trust implicitly yourself then a dbs check is rarely needed. contact with your mum would need to be organised, how often, where, who to supervise, how long, and often, particularly with safeguarding concerns, this would mean a contact service would be involved and you'd have little say at least initially- you just have to be there to pick up the pieces afterwards. pocket money also varies according to agency but on the whole most agencies recommend amounts that my own children couldn't even have dreamt of. there is also an obligation to open, and fill regularly, a bank account for the child in their name. on the plus side you have access to support from camhs, my local service offers foster carers their own consults to help them to learn skills to manage any difficult behaviours. if you do SGO there is no intrusions from sws however there is also no allowances you lose access to the training, to the support and if you find yourself in strife you are pretty much on your own. SGO is the cheapest option for the LA and they often push this without explaining what it actually means for you a the carer. tread carefully and look at all options. as for placing him with you before the assessment is complete, yes, this can and does happen. the LA have a duty to complete a fostering assessment within a 16 week time frame from placement in this situation. you will receive fostering allowances during this stage (or should do, chase it if they don't, better still check first). you will need to have had a viability assessment and basic police checks done before placement and fostering assessments happen, these just check can you physically care for the child, enough room, capability and no known safeguarding convictions/questions etc. which ever route you eventually go down also consider the impact on you of fostering a sibling. the relationship can be very difficult as you are essentially a peer and not a parent figure, also the family dynamics, you're taking over your on mums role that not an easy task to take on. sometimes distance is helpful in maintaining relationships, ie the child staying with mainstream carers. the emotional impact on you and your family will be huge. its not impossible, but it is a far harder task I think than mainstream fostering, and harder for a sibling to take on sibling care than say for a grandparent to take on a grandchild simply becoz of the nature of your relationship (this is based on people I know who have done this and the struggles they have had). whatever happens I hope it all works out

A massive thank you to all of your comments. (sorry for the delay in replying phone signal and wifi been patchy last few days thank you snow) But so much information, loads of it has really helped so thank you! Looking forward to Thursday for my chat with the SW to hopefully know what is happening, and get him moved in and ready. A few people have mentioned relationships with me and my mum could break down because of this, and also possibly with siblings, i am in a very lucky place where my other siblings want me to have him as they know i will always do the best i can for him so that's good. As for my mum, I don't want to say this, but it feels as if she has given up with him and she pretty much has said she will see him once a month, not even that. So yeah, fun times ahead! I am 100% making sure its the fostering route, that way I have support with me in the form of an SW and also it will ensure I can be there more for my brother to help him settle in, and get a routine sorted and with that the added benefit of FC Allowance which means I do not have to have the struggle of dropping my income by a drastic amount and also being able to treat my brother. Will update Thursday when I find out what is going on :)

Good luck, if your meeting is not being minuted then don't be intimidated by worker, take notes of what she/he is saying and ask worker to sign and date it.

I wonder is it your mother who has mental health or other problems or is this boy tricky to parent and she's totally fed up? Your other sibs want you to have him? because you do your best? What's going on here? Make sure one of them takes him a weekend every month to give you respite! Put on paper by ss. Another option could be that he goes to a local foster carer and you have him all holidays and every other weekend, or something similar. How good do you know your brother? Have you lived with him? Is he staying frequently with you? Write all your questions down so you do not forget to ask the sw Thursday. Also do not say yes straight away but take a week to process.

when my sister in laws grandson was taken into to care everyone expected me to take him (I did already have 4 children)and their was disgust when I said no. I felt like I was being blackmailed to have him but I stood firm and said no. I have never really been forgiven for this but I had my own to take care off and my own health to think about it. Are your family just saying you will do the best for them so they don't want the responsibility . look carefully at their reasons and consider all options. Adoption can often be a very difficult journey but then throw in potential criticisms from your family if things go wrong. if accusations are being made by your brother this could be you in the future and could jerposidse any plans you my have . many adopters have been involved with child protection about allegations their children have made. think carefully get everything in writing before making a choice

The others have made some very good points. You need to be very clear, as Pluto says, about where the problem lies. Is it with your mother or is it with your brother? How well do you know your brother? Some years ago I offered to care for two children of my adopted son and his wife. In fact my adopted son begged me to do so to stop them staying in care. They were 5 and 6 at the time. I thought I knew them fairly well and they had been staying weekends with me. This had started when they had been living at home and carried on after they went into foster care. I had had no major problems with them and they seemed to be keen to stay with me under a kinship arrangement. It was only after they moved in that I saw completely different behaviour from the younger girl. The main issue was her behaviour in the car. She was extremely violent towards her sister and me and tried to control our route. I feared I would have a fatal car accident. At home she was deliberately cruel towards my old cat. She would try to secretly torture him. I had to ask for the children to go back into care. Another problem was that my daughter in law was trying to sabotage the placement. Subsequent sets of foster parents also could not cope with this child and she was excluded from transport to school both by taxi and by school bus as a consequence of her behaviour. So be very careful. Lily x