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I am a big fan of special schools - it was great for my daughter. She was in the local school until she was 7 and was very happy there - accepted and liked and had lots of local friends. At 7 she moved to an “inclusion” unit for MLD in another mainstream primary school a bit further away. Unfortunately the friends she had there took advantage of her vulnerability. It became increasingly obvious she was getting further and further behind and so we chose a special school for secondary. I visited several and some were not right - I had done that too with the “inclusion” units. She was very happy there - had lots of friends, did really well - was in school performances and sports teams and even on the panel that interviewed the deputy head - none of which she would have had in mainstream. However the leap to college afterwards - even in supported learning (because it was in a mainstream college) was very risky and resulted in her being the victim of very serious crimes. I think your daughter will probably need a special school but would advise visiting as many as possible to find the right one - and also try to maintain at least some of the contacts and friendships she has - maybe through out of school activities and clubs? It is important to have those roots in the community you mention if possible

Hi Safia - thanks for sharing. And sorry to hear about the less positive parts of your daughter's experience.

I will be looking at special schools and inclusion units for secondary. It's the thought of moving her out of primary that I can't face. She is very settled and has friends - she is struggling in so many parts of her life that the idea of taking this familiarity from her, I find hard to countenance.

We saw in lockdown 1 that she went into a really awful depressive freefall, couldn't and wouldn't engage with anything. Her mental health improved one hundred fold when she went back to her school (vulnerable child place). I am genuinely scared that taking this away would take away her desire to engage with anything in life (at home, unless we are doing structured activities with her, she only wants to play Roblox or watch a YouTuber play Roblox on a loop)

It was the parents evening in preparation for SATS that made it obvious to me - she was already in the inclusion unit (based in mainstream class but supported by the specialist staff) Perhaps if you look into it / visit some special schools now you might decide to move her earlier - many special schools take pupils before secondary age - when you find a school you’re happy with and can see her doing well there - or alternatively keep her where she is for the friendship side - but she might then find herself getting so far behind it really affects her confidence. Perhaps also think round ways you can realistically carry on seeing these friends - at least in the meantime till she establishes a new group - which she will. Maybe look on it as a really positive start she’s had rather than as something she will lose (if possible)

I moved my daughter at the beginning of year 2 when it became clear that her existing school were not going to support her. They’d already excluded my son on many occasions and by this time he was in a PRU.

It wasn’t an easy decision to make and she did lose touch with friends however I think that would have happened anyway as the gap widened. She disliked me for some time after.

New school was far more supportive and she did eventually start to make friends with children who had similar needs to her own.

When it came to secondary we opted for specialist provision after a lengthy battle. It seemed more of a natural break and we knew she’d never have coped in mainstream secondary. She’s now actually in quite a few lessons with another girl who she’d been friends with in her second primary. It’s not an easy decision to make. I think it gets harder when your child gets a bit older and it becomes more obvious as the gap widens. That in itself can lead to friendship difficulties.

She’ll be moving on to college next year and she’s already starting to get anxious.

With my son, we had no choice. It was special provision from age 6 to end of year 11. He thrived. He’s now back in mainstream doing his A levels. Friendships can still be hit and miss but he does have a little group - each of whom have their own quirks! College for him next year - just a year foundation diploma before, hopefully, university. Hope it allows time to mature and just do something he loves with students who may well be as creative and quirky as him!

My daughter stayed in mainstream with support. She eventually moved to a special school in her late teens. At least half of her peers and friends were schooled via special schools of one sort or another. I have often wondered whether she would have been happier in a special school throughout secondary. At one stage she wished she had too. With hindsight there was no right answer, and pros and cons on both sides.

Primary school, I think on balance is kinder to children with LD. It's an atmosphere with a lot of very little ones around, so that children who are delayed blend in more easily. And younger children are more accepting and more inclined to be inclusive. Most sadly lose some of that loveliness when thrown into secondary.

In your position I would fully explore the options for staying and thoroughly test the waters for a strong EHCP provision. My daughter was, by quite a margin, the most in need that the school had had for some years. So the school was very proactive on her behalf during the statementing process. They demanded, and were awarded, 25 hours 1:1 funding, plus further resources, transport and external support. Having a strong backbone to your initial EHCP will give you a stronger hand further down the line, when you do need to change schools. If it also gives you a workable result, so that your daughter can complete her primary in situ, then that's brilliant. But, even if you need to move before then, you will be better off with a robust EHCP statement to work from.

Good luck with finding a school to suit your daughter longer term. I think that could be a difficult decision as the ASD and LD combinations are so many and varied and complicated. That's another reason that I wouldn't rush to change schools immediately, if you can afford to take things more slowly.

If your daughter is settled and supported now that is great, you can think and plan long term.

Unfortunately friendship groups change over time, and can get less accepting of difference, especially as you get to secondary. A friend's daughter now in year 6 has just been through the unhappy experience of her best friend of several years not wanting to be her friend any more. She is just too different and doesn't fit in socially. She is in mainstream with full time 1:1, but this is as much as anything because there are no suitable special schools within a viable distance. As she moves into secondary the academic and social gaps are going to increase.

In your situation I would start looking at special schools from a perspective that she might need to move eventually. But any move would be planned and take place over time, and in the meantime you can monitor whether the support she is getting in mainstream is meeting her needs.

Just popping in to say thank you. We've had COVID and half term so not replied, but appreciate the responses.

It'll take a while to work through the EHCP. She has just started in a new nurture group too.

Hi Lylthepink

We were in same situation. I got the inclusion team from our LA in and they really helped. I fought to keep our son in the school and it worked. He also went on ADHD meds at start of year 4 and things really turned around. It was a combination of staff input and meds I think. More nurture and more care went a long way. Plus a new LSA who stuck by him through thick and thin. He went from three years behind to one year behind academically. And is just now beginning to be part of a little ping pong gang at school (first time been part of something he loves!)....slowly slowly.

You still have two years before secondary school and things can change. We're going for a mainstream school with a provision for secondary.

That's a positive story to hear River - I'm glad to hear that it's going well for your son.

Our LA SEND team are so beyond [insert swear word of your choice] ***useless***, mendacious and ineffective that I wouldn't voluntarily go near any of their other teams. Luckily the school are great - just struggling with said failing LA as we are.

We think we have a potential third way at present - the school has a special provision class on site, which is not mainstream (ie would need to be specified in EHCP) but would meet her needs. We are hoping this is a way to get her learning needs met and maintain her attachments to place and existing relationships.

Also considering both special provision and mainstream for secondary. It's a bit of a lottery to be honest - our LA - like many I suspect, has a grand aim in its recovery plan for SEND children across the authority to keep more SEND children in mainstream (it's failed its OFSTED/CQC inspection spectacularly - but then so many have so this is hardly identifying). But when you look at provision in the authority at secondary, there are either mainstream, or special schools, or SEBD units which would not be what she needs. What they don't have is decent supported SEND provision located with mainstream secondary (just the kind of standard SEND provision where what they mean is dyslexia and/or ADHD controlled by meds.)