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Hi sorry, not sure where to start but kind of feel the need to just vent - but then again not really sure. Oh and I are full swing in the adoption journey and were finally approved in Feb - believe me it didn''t go without hiccups including a deferral last August a panel date in Oct that didn''t happen (OH made redundant) then finally approved in Feb. Since then we had an almost match - little ones now on BMP - out of area and it wasn''t working. Friends and fam have had 17 (yes 17) babies in the last 12 months - mostly 2nd and 3rd babes. DOn''t get me wrong we love them to bits and do spend time with them etc but I really feel that a part of us dies every time. In the past couple of weeks have got really down etc but have also been really pleased for people matched etc. SW came out yesterday and I do now feel alot better (OH is visibly more at ease). Basically she has given us a realistic hope of having our very own tiddly and babe in arms if we can wait. We also have link at mo with 2 tiddlers of 2 1/2 yrs and 11 mths. We think we can wait, we''ve waited this long and come this far adn i know it isn''t that long since we''ve been approved but..........We so want our perfect family of us and 2 teenis and I know our sw will support us and do everything she can but I just don''t know. We have this deep seated need that I just can''t explain, but on the other hand we know we can''t wait forever. We know that nothing can be guaranteed. Aaar4ghh didn''t realise it would be so long and I haven''t really said anything jsut needed to get it out there. i love my friends and they are great, but they can never understand how we feel -if they did I don''t think they''d ever let us near their children again!!! Thank you so much there is somewhere like this otherwise I think I might actually lose it at the mo. x