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oooops, have seen the typos---blame it on the little one I am holding!

Here here. I feel that the new time frames have given adopters unrealistic expectations for the speed of both approval and matching. What seems to have been lost in the last 15 months since the new system was introduced is that adopter need to reflect upon, not rush, these life changing decisions. We took 27 months from initial enquiry to introductions and there have been times when we still felt we weren't ready. For all of you who are new to this, please take heed of the warnings issued by experienced adopter and left things unfold naturally. What will be will be and lighting fires / circumventing the system will only get in the way of finding vulnerable children the right family for them. Please remember, this is about them, not you.

I agree that patience is important, for all the reasons above. But to be fair to those who might be feeling frustrated, I think many of them might also appreciate and agree with these points. . I think communication (or lack of it) is often the problem. I wonder how many of the people who complain would be quite happy waiting many months (or however long ), so long as they hear, from time to time, that a reasonable amount of effort is going into finding a family for them. Or even an honest message to say, for example, "sorry, we have no resources for family-finding for the next month, but will start in earnest after that". People often seem to hear nothing at all for weeks on end, and I know in our case that was the hardest thing. If matches are being looked at but are not right, so be it. . And in some cases, lets face it, probably not much effort does going into finding a family for approved adopters. It might not be the fault of the social worker - they probably have a huge case-load, and may well have child protection cases to deal with in parallel. Nobody would expect them to prioritise anything else above that. . Whatever the reason, I do think frustration is often a valid thing to feel. Approved adopters are incredibly valuable, financially yes, but mostly because there is probably a child out their somewhere whose needs they can meet very well. I find it frustrating that the sector isn't resourced and organised better to help these links be identified more quickly.

The waiting post approval is really hard but I do think there's an expectation that things will move more quickly than they do. Tbh I find the whole six month approval process focuses on the wrong third of the adoption triad. It really should be about the children in care, rather than the adopters. Having said that our first two approvals took around 7 months BUT we then had to wait 15 months for our first child and 20 for our second. First time round we heard nothing until we were matched with our son and tbh I didn't really think that was out of the norm. The 20 month wait was long but the match had to be right - for us and our existing and new son. Frustrating yes, but worth the wait.

A really good thread... do not wish time away as once your children arrive you will wish you had had more time to prepare, think about it, talk to people. read these boards. Also do not rush into anything as the child/children you have WILL come with really complex and challenging issues . We we approved as adopters in March last year 2013, finally after looking at many many profiles saw the children we felt we could be good parents too in June, then waited and waited until October to be officially matched to them....the months in between we read and read and talked and talked and thank god we did....as when they arrived our lives went upside down and inside out... we love them dearly....but are so pleased we didn't rush and prepared for the arrival of a hurricane and a tsunami!

Totally agree! Nothing prepares you for hitting the ground running with a little one and though 35 months from beginning to end might be too long !!! I'm not sure anyone would be ready in 6 months.

Hi I'm quite new to this site & adoption, by no means do I expect sw's to rush children to adopters just to make matches but I would like an accurate time scale whilst we are waiting. We first enquired in July 2013 & attended a training course in sept & were just told we'd be contacted when matched to a sw to start the assessment process. Even if they said it'll take between a year & 2 before we'll get matched to a sw & a year after that before we are at panel then that's ok but I'd just like a wee bit of information. P.s great thread :)

I think it is very hard to know enough about a child / your ability to parent them if it's all rushed through. I think the point about a child already having developed their personality is so important. But I think it is also crucial to remember that these children are being placed for adoption for a reason ... i.e. they have experienced trauma and/or had very poor starts in utero, so exposed to alcohol, drugs etc. A different sort of parenting is required. Deciding to adopt a particular child is not best rushed ... as I found out when it became apparent after some weeks that a child I was considering had issues I didn't feel I could manage. And as imp has said matching must be driven by what's best for the child . If it's best for the child, then it's best for the family too as in another context perhaps the child would struggle more which would impact everyone.

I have been wondering whether we will start to see an increase in disruptions post shake-up? It seems to me that if everything is done quicker, things will get missed and corners will be cut. Even something like seemingly inconsequential, such as smaller prep groups because they are running more frequently, could have a significant impact due to a lack of local peer support. Fewer face to face references could lead to warning signs being missed and more "homework" to replace training may produce adopters who aren't sufficiently prepared. I just hope vulnerable children don't suffer because of this in the future.

Think people have generally had ages to think about infertility, trying for babies, sexuality, decisions to not have biological children, medical things for a long long time Then the adoption process can feel like a list of hurdle to getting your child 'society' once again whallops you with Then you can find the systems are inefficient and all you want is to move through the system and trust that you'll get the right match. Ideally in 5 mins from approval It horridly 'cattle market' in feel some of this and it's eye watering when you've just got to think from the off these lovely little people will be affected to some degree by their modern adoption from care circumstances. The whole process- hmm Think it should be internship with 3 adoptive families.....! Sod the silly maps about your drinking buddies... Focus on the actual sort of thing these children exhibit and why and moreover what to do about it might be a plan?

Coming from the perspective of a new adopter I also think the SW have to take some responsibility for the expectations new adopters have. I am lucky I understand the process and the length of time due to the fact one of my closest friends went through the process and took 18 months after approval to find her baby. Then I saw it took 6 months after approval for the sibling. However, when at prep group and since I have not heard a SW mention this. When I talk to other prospective adopters they always laugh it off saying that is the old process not the new... I also agree this time should be taken learning about what you are about to get yourself into. My husband and I have been on 2 courses and I also intend to go on the getting ready for placement. I read comments on here everyday and have read many many books. My husband is lucky that he grew up with an adopted sister and as I said we have friends who have adopted. But...our SW never told us to so much reading or go on these courses- we did that ourselves. Using the experience of our friends and what they felt they missed out on. So I feel- if prospective adopters aren't told by the people who are there to support and assess they won't know.

you raise a valid point blossom, my recent experience of our local adoption service is that of rushing everything and meeting targets and pleasing the adoptive parents rather than looking at children's needs in the process. there doesn't seem to be a lot of telling the adopters that it can take time, they just seem so focussed on the target of getting children through the system as fast as possible, and for the most part adopters (first time ones anyway) are now expecting this to be the norm. there has been huge fallout locally between different the departments involved, but not convinced that the adoption team have taken on board anything said to them about the complaints from the various other agencies (IRO's, fostering, child care sw's and foster carers). that said current little bubs seems to be being processed slower than the last two so maybe they have taken some of it on board, there were a lot of complaints and not just about the actual speed but the effect on other aspects of the process affected by the drive for speed.

Thank goodness someone has opened a sensible debate about this. I remember so well that horrible frustration and the feeling that nothing was happening. In the end the whole process took me three years from initial enquiry to placement. The longest wait was for a prep course. With hindsight, this is the bit I wish had been speeded up. At the time, it felt like eight months of home study was endless but now, with a child in placement, I can see how much I needed that time to reflect, to learn and soak up advice and to come to terms with certain issues about myself. Personally I put the blame for this at the government's door - targets and box ticking don't work for such a complex situation.

That is really sad. All of those broken homes and children who see themselves as unlovable. I hope the government starts looking at these statistics very soon.

'we really should not patronize people just because they are at the beginning of their journey.' Believe me moo-chin. I am not patronising, just speaking from long experience. It does concern me that the 'new regime' is hurrying through the assessment process, which can naturally lead to expectations of a totally speedy process---ie , a speedy match. I do not want to get into an argument, but I do think that your statement that children go through many changes in FC, so FCs don't know the children is outdated. There is a ---very successful-- drive to minimise the number of placements for LACs, the vast majority now only having one placement between coming into care and moving onto adoption. The FC has seen the child at their most fragile and vulnerable, and has worked extremely hard to support that child and help them to flourish, and will continue to support them throughout the move to their Adoptive home. Yes, I agree that there can be changes in SWs and this is not ideal, but I stick to my statement that the FC knows the child, and all that they have been through, better than anyone. It really does take time for the right family to be identified, and just because they may appear to be excellent Adopters and 'fit the criteria' on paper does not mean that they are the right ones for a particular child. It is a delicate balance to achieve a successful match, and speed can hamper rather than enhance this My original post was there as a gentle reminder, as I say, from many years experience.

The first time for us took about two years, the second nine months. I felt better prepared the first time - having time to get my life, thoughts, home etc together. Even though we all felt ready to adopt again, it hit us really hard ( the challenges of two, a baby, sleepless nights, regression from both, attatchemet issues etc), and I believe that it's only because we have toughed it out before, that we are hanging in there now. It was rushed through and a different experience. The children, no matter what their age or background, will not just smoothly move into their new families. We were very much led by social workers the second time as we knew the match had to be right for us all. We didn't just have us to consider, but our lad too. We knew we may have to wait longer and were prepared for that. It is ALL about the children, and finding the right family/parent(s) for them.

This is an interesting thread. I see value in all the comments. For the record, I am an approved prospective adopter who has been linked with matching panel and intros next month. I went through the speedy system and was approved in 8 months. Matching system has been very well managed and was given pos link same month as approval. I have parental experience plus part time carer to two asd children. And I am adopted myself. But what I resent is the assumption that the new, faster more efficient approval system somehow makes me less valued or considered less of an adoptive parent. The old system was not perfect just like the new one. I truly believe the new system will attract more quality parents and with the right support, which I agree is still not available, will provide more children in care the option of a stable home. I would finish to again confirm that all opinions are valuable as are all types of adopters, old or new. G

Although I can't speak for everyone else, I feel that the intention of this thread wasn't to belittle new system adopters or imply that they were inferior. The thread was started to try and help seemingly impatient adopters gain a little perspective and help manage their expectations. In regards to new system adopters being lesser parents, the sentiments of this thread were more of concern that SOME social services or social workers MAY cut corners in order to achieve an arbitrary time frame. I don't believe any offence was intended by any poster, just concern from those who have a different and outside perspective on the new system.

My SW seems to be ignoring the new guidelines on time but I'm not complaining at all. She asked if I was happy taking home study steadily and I am - I feel that it would have been too much for me to try & fit everything in to the timing of the new guidelines. However I do understand why people get frustrated as the home study is so intense & there is so much homework but then after approval it all goes quiet. Your whole life revolves around social workers, doing endless homework, and research. It builds up to the panel, you (hopefully) get approved and then... Nothing. I don't think the matching should be rushed but maybe SWs could manage expectations a bit more in the aftermath of approval. I don't know what official guidelines are but maybe SWs should guarantee to contact approved adopters every month (or possibly more often) just to let them know they haven't been forgotten. I myself would rather wait until we are deemed to be the best family for a child rather than just being matched with a LO because we are there and so are they.