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is he being bullied? some kids misbehave to stop the bullies bullying.....a type of self preservation....being on report or isolated effectively stops the bullying .... what do the school think? hope you get it sorted..

Hi,I've worked in several secondary schools, and yes, I'm afraid that, particularly in Y8 and Y9, being on report, in detention and in isolation is often considered quite cool - especially by boys. There seem to be a couple of cures for this - 1) longer periods in isolation (their mates tend to forget about them, and the isolated child realises for themselves there is not much 'cool' to having nobody to talk to for 3 days!) or 2) moving up to Y10 - it's generally around this point that the cool lads (esp with the girls) tend to be the ones who do pretty well in the classroom and on the sports field, and are prefects. Infuriating though!x

Hi, P -If there is one thing that I'd love to be able to do it's to discern between "can't" and "won't". Is it that my son can't do XYZ (stop mucking about in class, in your example) or won't? If I could do that and market myself as a consultant I could make a packet!But given that I can't, I'm going to give you the single most effective way of changing a teenager's behaviour in school. It's so effective that even the threat of it can alter their behaviour radically. But be warned: if you make the threat, you have to be prepared to carry it through.OK. Hang onto your hats. Here it comes."I'm sorry that it's so hard for you to cope in school and that you're so stressed there. I know it's a really hard environment for you and I'm sorry that you have to go. Unfortunately that's the law and there's nothing that I can do about that. But what I can do is to help you. I've called your head and she's said it's fine. So what I'm going to do is, if you really can't manage, I'm going to come into school and sit with you so that I can help you to regulate your stress and to help to remind you what behaviour is and isn't appropriate and acceptable. That way I think I can really help you to avoid all of these detentions. It'll give me a great chance to get to know your classmates more, as well, especially when we hang out with them at lunchtime. Particularly that girl Kirsti that you like: I'd love to get a chance to chat to her and find out why you think she's so special. And I'll really enjoy the chance to spend more time with you."All the best,Corkwing

classic corkwingas teachers we absolutely luurve parents who offer to do this - seriouslyit shows they have a vested interest in their child and working with us so we always accept the offersurprisingly they never need to come in once their little darlings know suze x

Thanks for your replies.We will try Corkwing's approach and see what happens.Will keep you informedP