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Broken
Flower1000
November 29, 2018 10:27
First time poster after some help. I've a birth daughter 10 and an adopted daughter 6, she's been with me for 5 years now and early on it was clear that she had behavioural issues. She's been diagnosed with attachment issues and sensory issues. We are currently waiting for a paediatrician assessment and a physiological assement. we've seen phycologists etc and gone on every parenting course to no avail. She's violent, especially towards her sister, she punched her in the face today and has tried to push her down the stairs, she's relentless in her abuse towards her sister, she's the same with me and also at school. Yesterday she attacked 5 children, pushed another childâs head into a bar and then had such an episode in the classroom they had to take all the children out for their safety, I simply can't cope any longer, I broke down on the phone to the support after adoption sw and she said she'd speak to her manager and family services about options, also to try and speed up the assessments. But thatâs just not good enough, I can't keep my eldest safe from her, she's broken this family with her violence, she breaks everything, deliberately hurts the family pets, has no empathy and it's relentless, from the minute she gets up to the minute she goes to bed. We simply can't live like this, how can a 6 yr. old reek so much havoc. I've just text the SAD SW and told her she needs to remove her, put her somewhere she can't hurt other children and where she can get help. Iâm awaiting a phone call back but have no idea what my options are or where I go from here.
Pear Tree
November 29, 2018 11:02
Hello Peartree here. One big cyber hug coming right up :) You are right your 6 yr old cannot stay safely at home. Itâs domestic violence sometimes called CPV. There are approaches that you might not have come across like NVR. But Right now I think you are right and you all need a break Push for respite. Then you all get space to think away from that pressure of being hit. I suggest you are very clear that your adopted daughter needs to move and her date for moving is the eg 9th of December. Get the Ridley and Hall solicitors on the phone. They will know what legally you need to do to get social care to move. There are a lot of options for your adopted daughter going forward. The top ones I can think of are schools- beacon school and mulberry bush. Possibly look at mulberry first. They are both good though. Caldecot in reading, greenfields, cotswold chine, thornby Hall alongside many others. I have a birth child. In the end here I couldnât cope with the violence and the harm to Pip by our adopted daughter blossom. I do know what you are going through I would absolutely say your youngest needs to move and despite what ss May say, the reality is the sooner she moves to a specialist placement the better. Check out www.thePOTATOgroup.org.uk I know your children are 10 and 6 but I do think bearing in mind the circumstances theyâd look to support you through all this. Message me by all means Pear tree
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Flosskirk
November 29, 2018 12:32
Hi that sounds really hard. You do have to be really careful here though. If social services think your elder daughter is at risk they could remove her and leave you with the younger one. I agree with pear tree about speaking to a solicitor xxxxxx
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Flower1000
November 29, 2018 12:36
Thank you for your kind words Pear. I'm really teary today wilst i wait for the SW to call me back. The info you've given me is great and a huge step forward, I didn't realise there were places such as schools like that, I really feel like i'm thrashing around in the dark looking for something. You don't know, what you don't know is how i feel. At the moment, i think you are right, and we all just need a bit of a break from the onslaught. She can be such a fun little girl when she want's to, but we are all more than aware of how small that window is, and how it can change at the flick of a switch. The issue we tend to have is she's like an angel when she meets people for the first time, and it's only when she starts to feel comfortable with them that the issues start, the more comfortable she is, the worse her behaviour is. Which means if she's being assessed they only see this angelic side and look at me like i've lost my marbles when I explain what it's like to live with her. Thankfully shes the same at school and theyve been recording it I know it all stems from trauma, but it's like she seeks our the worst possible thing to do and then does it. She'll literally go from one thing to another to another, a catalogue of violent or damaging behaviour. If only she could channel this energy and persiverance into something positive, she'd end up running the country - sorry i know i'm waffling
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Pear Tree
November 29, 2018 13:21
Absolutely she could! FlossKirk is right though, they might look to move your bc so you must protect her from all this
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Flower1000
November 29, 2018 14:49
I think I'm going to ring the solicitors, the thought they might remove my other daughter has terrified me.
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Pear Tree
November 29, 2018 17:31
I am thinking of you, hoping you have managed to get through to solicitor. Family really is too hard for some children. You have tried so very hard. Sending warmest hugs (and cyber tea and mince pies)
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Johanna
November 29, 2018 17:57
Read the posts and agree with advice suggested. I just want to send virtual hugs to you at this very difficult time. I hope that you get the support you so desperately need and that it happens quickly. Glad you are getting legal advice too. Johanna xx
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Flower1000
November 29, 2018 18:33
Thank you everyone, my details are logged with the solicitors mentioned above and Iâm waiting for a call back. The support after adoption sw is going to contact family services tomorrow and log it with them, then I need to talk directly to them. She mentioned intensive family support but by what she was saying, this sounds like regular visits and Sri her charts which we can evidence doesnât work. I think Iâll speak to the solicitor before calling family services and talk to them about what to expect and what I need to do, to protect my birth daughter.
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pingu123
November 30, 2018 15:04
I think you are very wise to speak to solicitor before SW. Best Wishes pingu
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