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A section for adoptees

MGM December 2, 2012 09:46
Given that AUK supports adoptive families, would it not be a good idea to have a section which encourages and invites adoptees to contribute/share their thoughts? I''ve no idea on how it would need to be regulated on age etc., however I''d be very interested in hearing from adult/young adult adoptees. Obviously, from a privacy and security perspective, it would have to be well moderated. However I think the benefits of adoptee feedback, even in just very general terms, would be a valuable resource. It''s a balance that''s often lacking in all areas of research and discussion, i.e. the thoughts and perspective of the adoptee themselves.
Edited 17/02/2021
sooz December 2, 2012 09:54
If I remember rightly, this was requested many years ago by an adoptive mum who was also an adoptee.From memory I think it was decided that this should be a place for adopters only.Quite prepared to be corrected on this??! Xx
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MGM December 2, 2012 10:00
I think it's a good time, and this site the perfect venue, to seek feedback. Given that many adoptees placed in the 'modern era' are now reaching adulthood, it'd be massively helpful (pioneering, even) to hear from them.
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Donatella December 2, 2012 16:49
Personally I wouldn't want that to happen. There are adopters who are also adopted and they post here. However I really wouldn't want my children to be able to read what I write. At the moment they're not yet teens, but this is my place to offload and seek advice. I have enough to cope with with my three. There is a board that adoptees can use and other sections of the triad as well. After adoption I think. Can make for some really depressing reading.
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Pear Tree December 2, 2012 16:58
I don't agree I'm afraid, I have a really positive relationship with my son but got gab full of less than pleasants today because I won't let him play an 18 game (which is his friends) in front of the 5 yr old in the house I don't want him coming on here mouthing off about me and his dad and risking having our parenting decisions undermined on the very board we come to to be supported onWhat I do like is the idea of some sort of moderated blog of young people's experiences of living as a young adoptee.I know that auk have links to this sort of facilityIt would need to be anonymised and really I guess their parents couldn't be regular posters or you'd guess who Peter smith belonged too if they were dealing with the same incidentsAlso, the message board thing is something that can be shaming to write on as my lad is really lovely but very shamed easily and it will be us dealing with the repurcussions of that
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MGM December 2, 2012 19:11
Perhaps you're right – in fact on reflection, and further thought, it's clearly not necessary anyway. I suggested it initially because there are hardly any other UK adoption discussion sites on the net, and none of the few in existence seem to invite the perspective of adoptees. The one or two adoption discussion sites I've come across on the net are similar to this one, i.e. they have very few (if any) adopters/adoptees posting on a regular basis (and of course given how small the regular numbers posting on here are, then yes of course – it would make you extremely identifiable if your kids were to post).Having considered it, I presume the reason there are so few adoption discussion sites is simple lack of demand. Certainly I (as an adoptive parent) post regularly on general parenting sites for advice/chat, presumably most adopters (given how many adopters there are in the UK in comparison to the minuscule online presence) are doing the same.
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lillie January 18, 2013 23:47
'After adoption' has an adoptee section, BAAF also has adoptee viewpoints I think. If you also have a look at the books geared towards adoptees, just for instance 'primal wound' 'mother me', you will find a lot of reviews by adoptees if you look on internet bookshops. Nancy Verrier also has a website author of primal wound, there are a lot of other authors who write from an adoptees perspective, I don't think all have the same views. I also think articles with message sections in newspapers with relation to adoption or care have adoptees comments. There are also quite a lot of T.V programmes. There has been quite a lot in the press re open courts a few years ago, so has a bit of a more expanded viewpoint. I think adoptee views are as varied as adopters view points.
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jmk January 19, 2013 11:37
Iam both and adopter and an adoptee and I agree with Donatella, I don't think there should be an adoptee section.There
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jmk January 19, 2013 11:48
Damn computer!There are quite a few of us on here and we already give our opinions where relevant, but we are doing this as adopters too, so we can see it from both sides.I know our adoptions were different to todays adoptions, but I think if modern day adoptees were coming on here, whilst it would be very interesting to hear their views, their adoptive parents are probably on here posting for advice, and I think it would cause huge conflict if the adoptees were to recognise themselves in their parents posts.Similarily if a lot of Grandparents came on here, how many of us would feel comfortable posting if you Mother, or MIL, was reading your posts, particulaily as they are quite often the cause of our stress in the early days of parenting our children.What I would like Auk to do is a survey or questionnaire for older teen adoptees, or adoptees in their twenties so that Auk could publish/post the comments anonomously on here for us adopters to read. That way we could hear their comments but avoid any conflict on the boards.I'm not quite there yet, but how many of us would like our teenagers to come on here and slag off our parenting when they were angry at us for not being allowed to do something? I wouldn't like it myself and I think that would be the problem of having an adoptees board for teen/younger adoptees.
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lillie January 19, 2013 12:48
Just read my post back, I actually don't think there should be an adoptee section for all the reasons mentioned, I didn't really state that. However MGM if you wanted to gain adoptee insights there are many many places to look, which is what I was aiming at by post above. And like JMK says there are quite a few adoptee adopters on here, I always find their posts helpful!
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