How similar were/are you to your child's FCs? We are looking at a potential link but our SW is making it sound like we need to have the same personality as the child's FCs so there isn't a big change for the child. First I've heard of this!
I think that’s ridiculous to be honest - and impossible to achieve! We were told to keep the routine as close as possible to that in foster care which is hard enough in itself as our lives were completely different. For example my sons FC got him up at 5am as her husband went to work at that time - which we never replicated - and my daughter was still fed baby food at over 2 - which again we never did as there was no medical reason for this - and they were both fine (if not possibly pleased) with the changes. I think it’s best if you just be yourselves and do what is natural for you - at the same time being aware of their previous routines and incorporating what seems sensible from them - you will have met the foster carers so you will know enough of their life there and what sort of people they were to put a positive spin on it all for the children - and will be able to show you have respect for them. But respect acknowledges difference too
That feels like an unfair expectation. I understand wanting you to be able to maintain routine and phase in changes slowly. Which is what our SW has said would be expected of us, but it's going to be pretty hard to find a match where you and the FC have the same personality.
Maybe they mean they are hoping you will be able to adopt some of their practices, ways of handling things?
Thanks for the replies. We fully intend to do the routines of the FCs, whoever they may be and our SW knows this. I can't understand what she was getting at really. I tried to ask what she meant, did she mean if they're really bubbly and outgoing whereas we appear to be a bit more reserved (even though we're not when you know us), that wouldn't go in our favour? All seemed a little odd.
I’m also in family finding stage. It’s a really interesting question. I have to say when we looked at some profiles and the FC have been very different to us in that they have birth children or a large house in a rural area, I have been apprehensive, I know that’s not personality as your SW has suggested though. Having said that, I remember on prep training a SW telling us where the child couldn’t settle as the AP house was quiet compared to his FC busyness, so they put a radio on which helped. I’m sure there are ways around difference and helping things feel similar.
I’d try to get a bit more from your SW. We are due to have a potential link meeting with a child’s SW and our SW, and she has instructed us to be enthusiastic! It’s not that we aren’t and she doesn’t think we are not enthusiastic! But she has noticed we can be a little reserved because we don’t want to get too excited.
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