Archived Forums

Hi PlutoSingle adopter, daughter came home in July 07 from abroad. Now going for a domestic adoption, passed Panel 6 months ago. Started the process for Little Sis 3 years ago in August, tried a different foreign country first.PM me if you want to know more.WHNM

i adopted abroad, but was living there at the time. certainly felt an instant bond with AS but he was only fostered with me at the time and that has to be balanced by the fact that i had little to no bond for over a year with my eldest BC. I'm sure circumstances can impact on how much of yourself you are able to allow a child to know (and vice versa) but think it is more down to individual personalties than actual situations. for a long time i didn't know AS would be adopted by me, he was due to go elsewhere, but he still felt like 'mine'. and as you say, you are aware of the other effects, neglect, institutionalisation, lack of contact etc, but as a cautionary note don't under estimate the impac tof these things. it seems great at the time, no parental/fc contact but for my AS it has had a significant impact and as far as he is concerned he did not exist before he was 15 months old becoz there is no evidence to show he did. he does not believe he is adopted, he knows it, but does not believe it. it has less impact on him probably becoz of his severe learning disability but for another child it might be a much bigger big issue.

Adoption from overseas is not necessarily immediate, it varies depending on the country. Adopting from some countries involves going to meet the child, going home again, and then returning for adoption.We have not yet done either so cannot speak to the emotional aspects!

Hi,We haven't adopted yet, but before we decided which route to take I had the exact same question and talked to as many adopters as possible.One thing that I heard often from people with children adopted abroad and in the UK, was that their inter-country adopted children had a less emotional problems than the UK ones. Mostly because there is no birth family around to revive painful memories, no contact direct or indirect, no loyalty struggles, not as many intrusions from professionals (even when they are well intentioned) and families can just get on with bonding and attatching. Most felt children being unsettled for contact only left them extremely unbalanced both before and after and did get in the way of bonding as a family and feeling settled snd happy.One even told us that every contact made their relationship go backwards months and she was convinced contact would be cut in another generation after professionals started comparing outcomes of children growing without disruptions and contact and children who had contact. That person had adopted 3 children, 2 intercountry and 1 UK. Anyway oficial information says contact is good for children.We don't know, so we heard all sides.In the end we decided to pursue a UK adoption, but we will be keeping our eyes very open on how contact impacts on our little one.In intercountry depending on which country you adopt from (all countries have different processes) you can go in one trip to meet and bring your child, or you might go, meet the child, approve the match, return, wait for court date and go back for court and get your child from the orphanage afterwards.Some countries have decent orphanages with an OK level of care, some have a terrible level of care and you are getting a child with a bit of an anemia, parasites and needing to pick up developmentally. Often you need to take clothes with you and you change your child into his/her new clothes on adoption day, because the orphanage will need their clothes for their other children.So you travel with a suitcase with child's clothes and a few toys, and even child vitamins and some parasite medicines.Obviously your agency will visit the child on arrival and many countries ask for post-placement reports.Waiting times vary a lot, from 5 years plus from China NSN to a few weeks from Ethipia from everything in the middle.I think China SN is about to start in the UK too.If you are interested in intercountry adoption, do join the yahoo group and ask this same question there.Their address is:http://groups.yahoo.com/group/UKAO/Good luck,S

Thank you all for the information and advise. I am approved for a baby up to 12 months.ONLY JOKING! Child 4-9 with sn. Probably adopting from Eastern europe.

Slightly off topic, but as it's been discussed in this thread - SN adoptions from China are already possible, but not to the UK. We don't have an agency in the UK to work with the CCCWA (formerly CCAA). The IAC (based in London) are looking at becoming an agency for the UK (only England to begin with) to work with the Chinese online system, but they need to £50,000 to cover start up costs and are looking to the Chinese Adoptive community within the UK to fund raise / cover costs before they can start. If this money can be raised then it might be possible to undertake a SN adoption from China. An intercountry adoption homestudy needs to be paid for, there is also a charge by the country's central authority for processing the dossier and then there would also be IAC's fees for their role in the process - as well as travel and fees in China.HTHWHNM(If anyone knows any companies / rich individuals who might be worth approaching about fundraising please PM me!)

Pluto that's brilliant news are you really adopting again!!! Hope that you're spared all the delays and aggravations this time so that you can enjoy welcoming a new child into your family without so many distractions.

Just wanted to reply to Jasmine who said "all children from overseas are going to show signs of institutionalized behaviour." Not necessarily true - some countries use foster carers, some of whom are excellent.Sunflower said "Mostly because there is no birth family around to revive painful memories, no contact direct or indirect, no loyalty struggles, not as many intrusions from professionals (even when they are well intentioned) and families can just get on with bonding and attatching."I have to disagree that it is bad to have birth family around and contact. ALL the evidence shows that children do better if they have some idea where they came from, and I know a lot of international adopters who never dreamed they'd be able to find birth family, are now finding ways to do so. Even for children who are adopted in the UK and have very poor early care, neglect, abuse, I've heard adopters say some kind of contact can help children to move on and know that their birth families (who they may have had to care for) are doing OK.We are adopting from overseas though we know few overseas adopters but a colleague has a little boy adopted from overseas and got to know quite a few overseas adopters through prep group etc. (our prep group was mixed UK and overseas, and only one other overseas couple). Her little boy was in foster care and there was some link to birth family, and they were surprised to find how very negative some of the prospective adopters were towards children finding their birth family and origins. The country they adopted from has some search possibility in the future, though they don't know if they'll go down that route, but at least there is the possibility.I think you are doing your children a disservice suggesting that contact or search for origins or birth family can never be good.