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Risk or no risk?
Mcmeme
September 3, 2013 08:44
So after the elation of panel giving us a yes yesterday and the disappointment that we have to wait until the end of the month for intro''s, something has been bothering me and Ihope that sharing it will either make me realise its not a problem or find ways of dealing with it. Our LO has been placed out of his area due to risk, hat''sall I''m going to say on that. All the way through the process we have been asking and reaffirming that certain decisions are correct ones, including the SW insistence that LO''s fairly distinctive name is kept. We like the name so that has never been an issue. During small talk yesterday, while discussing the late intro''s, the SW for LO casually mentioned that the Birth Farther had tried to join Birth Mother for her goodbye meeting with LO. This was never agreed apparently, he had his own to go to (which he cancelled) and the reason was there was a significant fear the two would take LO. When I pushed her on this, as up to fairly recently they have been having a significant amount of contact, she said it was always a risk due to their personalities. So now I''m left, not a million miles away from them, with a child who''s name would make him readily identifiable. Do we push to change his name (he''s 9 months ) now as we consider it to be a risk or go along with the SW ? Didn''t want to feel this way post panel!!!
clematis
September 3, 2013 09:06
Hi thereCongrats on panel!I was in a similar situation, unusual birth name, but birth parents in county, and making it clear they would look for LO. For me it was a very easy decision to change name. I always had strong opinions on this, until I was in this situation. My belief is that while he is little I can keep him safe, but social networking is changing and growing all the time, and I was not prepared to take the risk. I wanted my child to have the freedom he deserves. I didnt want to have to be anxious ALL the time about him becoming more independent. Kids will explore, and we wont always know. My LO was a little older than yours and the name change was not a difficult thing to do. You could keep it as a second name if you wished - I havent, as I wanted to remove as much risk as possible. He will know it is his birth name and will be able to choose when he is a grown up if he wants to use it.Not everyone will agree with my decision, but my LA were very supportive.Good luck with your decision.
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kstar
September 3, 2013 09:19
I totally agree! Wi an older child that might be so hard to do, but with a younger child I would definitely consider changing it. Obviously without knowing the name it's hard to make suggestions, but perhaps something that sounds a little similar so that he hears a similar sound.Adopting a child is tough enough, you don't need the extra stress!If you're not sure how SWs will react, wait until your LO is placed. Mine said all kinds of things before (like making me commit to taking a year off work) but now they're pretty chilled (and I am going back to work after 4 months).
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nancydanfan
September 3, 2013 09:26
Even as an adoptee who would very much favour not changing a childs name I very much feel you should change the name under these circumstances.I am an adoptive mother too and it is so easy in todays world for our children to be exposed to danger.SWs come and go. They will do what is politically correct or fashionable at the time. To them this child is a case-probably one of many. If all goes well you will be investing your life in LO and a major role will be to protect him. To me it feels like a no brainer but it is a big decision so please don't rush your decision and listen to alternative viewpoints too.Hope all goes well for you and congratulations,ndf
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About you now
September 3, 2013 09:46
I am generally very against changing names, but in this situation I think it is very much the right thing to do. Enjoy intros!xxxx
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Donatella
September 3, 2013 09:58
Ignore them and do what's right for you and your child. Change the name. It all sounds very similar to our situation with one of ours. Name changing was frowned upon but sws have to stop this one size fits all approach. You have to think ahead to school, photos in the press, activities. FB. You can keep the original as a middle name and give him a new first name. Then tell them or not.
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liquoriceallsorts
September 3, 2013 10:50
I would change the name in your circumstances. I had to for similar reasons and my children were older on placement. I would personally suggest that you don't say anything to the SW until after intros and placement
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Larsti
September 3, 2013 11:24
I agree with others that you should change the name.Very best wishes to youLarsti
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B11
September 3, 2013 11:51
Hi, My Dh and I were in the position as you. Our LO had a very unique name and she was moved out of county due to a securty risk. We changed her name and SS didn't contest this. I know of several adopters with LO's placed within the last 6months that have changed their LO's names, so it is more common than we are led to believe. B11
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silver birch
September 3, 2013 11:52
Are you sure he has a rare name?I ask this as I thought one of my childens names was quite unusual. When I looked it up on the net it was in the top 50 names the year she was born.Certainly change it if there is a risk.
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