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Help with homestudy!!

shell2930uk February 27, 2012 20:18
Dear AllToday we had our first homestudy visit and our social worker told us if we want to be considered for a mixed race/trans racial adoption we will need to prove our links and contacts with the possible childs background.Our problem is that we live in a very white area and have no close friends/contacts that are non white.Has anyone eles had to provide this? or have any ideas what we can do.We would love to be considered for any child whatever their race.Thanks in advanceShell
Edited 17/02/2021
Perky February 27, 2012 20:55
Hi Shell,No advise but like you we too stated that we were open to a child of any race and mix. Our SW was very impressed with the mixed community we live within. The refs we provided were from different religions and cultures too. However, we were told, when it comes to a child, our religion, culture, and beliefs would play a big part in the decision. Apparently, they try and find you a child that 'matches' in with your lifestyle and characteristics.We did feel somewhat restricted when we heard this.Good luck 2 you.
Edited 17/02/2021
Serrakunda February 27, 2012 22:10
ShellAre you specifically interested in BME child or just trying to keep as many options open as possible.I am white and will soon be bringing home Simba who is dual heritage white British/African. From the beginning I said I was open to all children, but didnt set out to adopt a BME child and didnt make a particuar issue of it during homestudy. Of the four or five I seriously considered, he was the only BME child.Ethnic identity is very important and you would have to demonstrate that you understand racial/ethnicity issues and how you would meet those needs, just as you will have to for any other need.So yes, I do live in a very ehtnically diverse area, we will not stand out or look unusual in our community, there will be other children who look like him in school. All our local schools mark/celebrate all the religious festivals eg Eid and Diwali as well as the Christian ones, we have loads of events for Black History month and active community associations for his African ethnic group. I have travelled widely in africa, my ex is African and have direct experience of racial prejudice. I can therefore show that he will have lots of access to both sides of his heritage and that I have a higher than average understanding of ethnicity related issues. If none of this exists in your environment I think you would find it difficult. However, if you are just trying to increase your chances then to be honest I don't think you have a 'problem'. Focus on getting yourself approved. If during the matching process a child appears who just happens to be BME then think about how you would meet those needs.Serrakunda
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kangas February 28, 2012 07:54
And think bigger than just race:We also explained how we both had experience with moving between cultures/countries/languages and what that had taught us. Even though all of these were white it showed we understood some of the issues.To turn the question around: why do you think that you are better suited than some other adopters to adopt a child with a different background? What are your specific strengths?
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Rainbow7 February 28, 2012 09:29
I think Serrakunda makes some good points. Are you interested in transracial adoption specifically or are you wanting to keep your options open? It is good to consider things from the point of view of any potential child and how you would be able to support their ethnic, cultural, religious, emotional, social needs. This would be the same for any child to be fair. How would you support a child if they were the only non-white face in the family/nursery/school/street/community? My children are oblivious to colour as yet but that won't always be the case. I am a white adopter and my intention was always to adopt transracially. I am part of a multi-ethnic, multicultural, mulit-faith community in a big city. My support network reflects this and many of my friends have children who are a different colour to them so my children don't stand out. This meant that I was sent profiles of a whole range of children both from my own faith and from other faiths too. There is a good book, I'm chocolate, you're vanilla which you could read to get a better idea of how you could help a BME child. You may be able to borrow it from AUKGood luck on your journey and feel free to PM me with any specific questions
Edited 17/02/2021
jmk February 28, 2012 12:51
Think the other posters have made very good points. They all live in very mixed areas. If you live in a predominently white area with no black friends your child is rally going to stand out and feel very different. Do yo think this is fair?
Edited 17/02/2021
shell2930uk February 28, 2012 16:46
Thank you for all your repliesI guess our situation is a bit strange, we already have an adopted chinese child but know the chances of getting another chinese child would be unlikely. We have lots of connections with the chinese community but not others.I am interested in trans racial adoption as i think it would be nice for both children if they have similar colouring and one is not the only non white person in the house (hope that makes sense please dont flame me).I would just like us to be considered for a range of children not just white.Thanks Shell
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selg February 28, 2012 22:43
HiI also agree with serrakunda but it sounds like you have already shown you can suport a child of differing race to yourself by making ties with the chinese community, if you were to be placed with a child of a different race you would be expected to do the same for that child.I agree with the thought of no ruling anything out, we are a mixed race couple, as a couple we are 1/4 black 3/4 white, we looked at 13 children in all and some were an exact match ethnically to us but didn't 'fit' for one reason or another. Two sibling groups were blonde and since we are both dark (DH is v dark for mixed race - comment from LO's assessor, and I have a more 'mediterranean' look) we thought they would be questioned over their parentage more than a black child would. The child we were placed with is all black and does 'fit' in our family visually. Obviously it's not all about looks though.The work we did in HS cemented a way of thinking for me, how to bring ethnicity into everyday life in a low key, subtle way, without having to always verbalise it. It's proving easier than I thought it would be, I can't even explain how I do it it's that subtle, but it's always in the back of my head.Definitely look at the book I'm Chocolate You're Vanilla is a very easy read and lots of commonsense.We live in a prodominantly white rural area, (during HS I was tempted to stop every ethnic looking person in the street and ask them if they lived locally or were visiting just to prove to the SWs that it wasn't ALL white), so we had a struggle even though one of us was obviously not all white. Sometimes I couldn't believe we had such an issue considering there was no way they would ever let us have a white child!!Good luck with your journey, feel free to pm me if you need anymore supportSelg
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jmk February 29, 2012 09:40
Sorry didn't realise you already had an adopted chinese child. In that case surely adopting an oriental or mixed oriental child would be better as they would not only look similar but would have the same cultural background and as you already have links with the chinse community it would make moe sense rather than a black or mixed afro caribean child.I am adopted myself and I do think that adopted children do need to at least resemble someone within their family. Adopted children often notice these things more than your average child, particularily when family members keep commenting on how your cousin is the spitting image of his/her Mum/Dad/Brother/Sister etc (it can make you feel very left out). This is why I have such a problem with Angelina and Brad deliberately choosing to adopt children from different cultures to create their "rainbow family". If they had gone back to Cambodia after adopting the first child, then at least the children would have resembled each other. The only children who resemble each other in their family are the 3 birth children!
Edited 17/02/2021

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