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Big Concern

Jo1966 April 28, 2013 21:56
My wife and myself are looking at becoming adoptees, although we have gone through the very first stages of the process I feel my past may come back to haunt me.My previous marriage only lasted a couple of years due to her child from her previous marriage. He from an early age (13) was driving cars, stealing from us to feed his driving habit and being a general T**t, in the end we asked social servies to become involved to help if possible. Social services were not interested, at the time and I was at the end fo my tether!!!! I got that frustrated that the social worker decided that the sun (at 6''2") was under danger from his evil stepfather (me) and put him into care. He then went on to destroy his mothers car, get arrested several times and smash our front door in whilst Iw as in work and his mum was at hoe alone. Now 8 years on I have remarried and we are looking at adoption, will this low time in my life be held against us?
Edited 17/02/2021
Serrakunda April 28, 2013 23:06
I think its probably very hard to say what impact this will have, it will certainly be very thoroughly investigated during home study and a lot will depend on what you mean by 'I got so frustrated', whether anything was proven against you, what the eventual outcomes were. All you can do is be totally honest with SWs and see where it takes you
Edited 17/02/2021
Fishwife1949 April 28, 2013 23:06
The problem i think you may have is many of the children that are up for adoption will go on to exhabit the very same issues your step son had and as you admitted your self could not cope Ss are looking for peopel who are robust and wont need much support The other thing is despite rasing him brining him up you didnt keep contact with him despite him going into care it dose not appear you kept in any kind of contact and i dont think saying he was a t***t or that he wasnt actaully your son will not be good enough Also the other issue you have it seems the sw from what you said felt it was issues arising from your parenting that lead to your step sons behaviour and then to be moved into care There is lots to talk about i would ring and tell them all this up front dont let them find out be up front and see what they say but i am just being honest there is a lot here Also they will defo want to talk to your ex wife and may even want to talk to the sw that was invloved in your step sons case
Edited 17/02/2021
Fishwife1949 April 29, 2013 06:37
Oh and they also may want to talk to your step son they will always want to talk to people you have parented with and also any grown up child especially.
Edited 17/02/2021
jmk April 29, 2013 08:46
To be honest as the other posters have already said there is a lot to discuss here.The fact that you have already been a step Dad. The fact that you have already lived with a difficult defiant child. The fact that that child had to go into care, and also the fact that you will be seen to have walked away and not kept any contact with your stepson. They will want to go into great detail about this during your assessment.Adopted children need commitment from their adopters, they need parents who are resilient and who will not walk away if the going gets tough.If you are seen as having already given up on your stepson it will have to be discussed in great detail and SS will have to do this as part of their job to convince themselves that you would not do this again.I would be very careful not to refer to your stepson as a t*t, it won't go down well. He was obviously a very troubled child and you need to understand this and refer to him in an appropriate way. What have you learnt from the past, how will you make sure that you will get support next time should you need it, what gave you learnt from your mistakes in the past etc etc. These are the types of questions you will need to think about if you are going to proceed. Show that you have learnt and are continuing to learn, and yes they will want to talk to your ex and possible your adult ex-stepson. Good luck.
Edited 17/02/2021

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