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I think they’d question why you’re so desperate for a girl specifically. What do you think a girl will bring to your family that you’re missing with boys? There do seem to be fewer girls. But as you know adoption is about finding families for children rather than the other way around so what do you think you could offer that another prospective adopter couldn’t? Why desperate for a girl? What do you think you’re missing? What do you think parenting a girl will look like?

When I was going through the process to adopt before I would never have specified a sex as I just wanted a family. And truth be told I wouldn’t if I did again as if I was offered a perfect boy match I wouldn’t be able to say no. My post is not about whether I want a girl or not it’s asking if anyone with 2 children already have gone onto adopt again as a single adopter. Thanks

No experience as such but there is no reason why they wouldn't consider you - how old are your boys? They would probably prefer a reasonable age gap and as Donatella said you need to be clear about your expectations (you did say "desperate" in your original post) but also clear what you have to offer. Agencies will be looking at suitable placements for children - they won't think in terms of you've had 2 already but rather what experiences you have had that will make you a good parent for a future child so think along those lines

Thanks for your comments. I obviously worded my post wrongly. There doesn’t seem to be an option to edit or delete. My boys are 8 and 13 so there would be a good age gap. I have been an adoptive mum for 10 years so have plenty of experience. My boys have additional needs and are amazing. But I feel like I still have more to give hence I would like another child.

not personally, I'm sticking with one, but I know several singlys who have gone from 2 to 3. They are all hanging on in there but its been very very tough, financially, practically and emotionally, with difficult dynamics between the children. even in the families I know with birth children only, going from two to three was a bit of a tipping point, with the mums all ending up giving up work

Thanks for your comments, that’s really helpful x

Three is hard. I have two sons then we had a surprise daughter - bm reproduced yet again so we were asked to take her too. It’s a really tricky number to manage. It’s a delight having a girl in some ways - I get to do some of the pretty dresses stuff (though limited as with two brothers she’s more of a jeans and tshirt girl!) - but personally I find parenting a girl much harder than my boys. Have you talked with your boys? How would they feel about having another child in the family - boy or girl? My two boys get along reasonably well on the whole but less so with their sister. Even the fact that eldest son and daughter are half sibs hasn’t meant there’s any type of bond. Think about practicalities. By the time you’re approved and placed your eldest will be coming up to GCSEs or equivalent. That’s a horribly stressful time. Your youngest may be approaching secondary school time. Again, very stressful. And just as you finally stop doing the school run (presumably?) you have to start over. How would another child fit into the family dynamic emotionally and logistically?

Thanks there’s a lot of good points there. Both of my boys have asked separately over the years for a sister but I realise the reality may be different! I do worry about being able to split myself 3 ways and my boys do need a lot of help and support. I have been pondering a third for awhile but think you have probably all answered my question. Much as selfishly I would like another child to look after and care for, my boys need me all to themselves xx

Its hard, I'd have considered a second, my son theoretically would like a brother. But when I point out the things he would have to share, particularly me, he changes his mind. I'm single too, I have a civil service job so not too bad a salary for a part timer, but I think I'd struggle to work at all with two so financially it would be a big stretch. We are also at GCSEs and quite frankly I'm worried sick about them, My son's school is amazing, I met the SENCO this week to look at putting in the support he needs. I couldnt ask for more from them. But GCSEs are what they are.

Although I adopted my second when I was with my ex, he was never any help so it was like being single! I would definitely recommend a second. My boys play, fight, bicker but love each other and have learnt to share me. Good luck with your decision. Personally i’m not worrying about GCSEs yet. If my son gets one I will be very proud of him. He finds school very hard but rarely complains and I just want him to be happy and healthy xx

Although I say I have no experience - we adopted with two birth children, both girls, the youngest of who was 14 when the children were placed. It was very hard for her - she had been very positive about the adoption all the way through and was keen to have a little sister/brother ( we adopted 2 siblings as toddlers placed 6 mths apart as they were in the care of different local authorities and at different places in the legal process). My AD (first placed) very much viewed her as a rival whereas she saw my elder daughter as another adult in the house. She used to shout "go away" when she came in from school - or "out, out, out" when she saw her. I spent much less time with her than I otherwise would have in her teenage years - for example I only visited her twice at university (it was about 250 miles away) apart from the taking / collecting etc. She has grown up into a very mature young lady very accepting of difference and diversity and I don't know that it has significantly affected her long term but was hard for her at the time. She had a very secure start to life and no significant needs (though she is dyslexic - it was far less of a problem for her than many as she had developed strategies herself before it was finally diagnosed - at university) Her GCSE English essay she wrote about the whole experience and apparently got good marks in it!

With your experience and the ages of your boys, I would say that you would be looked at very positively by any local authority or agency. I suppose if I was in your shoes I would want to know more about what it's like to have 3 kids as I wonder what the dynamics end up like. Is it always 2 against 1? Or perhaps there's always one being overlooked? Middle child syndrome? I'm probably churning out all the cliches but they are often cliches for a reason. I have just adopted for a second time as a single parent and it is a truly wonderful experience. I hope you get some feedback from those with 3 and that it helps you make your decision. Good luck

Thanks Safia, sounds like you’ve done a wonderful job with your children. West Gold, glad you’re enjoying second time round too. Thanks for your lovely positive comments xx

I have also occasionally thought about adopting a third. I'm single with 2 aged 14 and 16. BUT I have to say I am so glad I never went ahead - adolescence has been (still is) a nightmare. My youngest was 'fine' in primary and I had no idea she would find secondary so impossible. I have ended up taking 3 years off work to stabilise her into a specialist school (getting that was a fight in itself). and also trying to keep my normally more volatile eldest on track. He is just starting his GCSEs this term, and although getting any would be a bonus, just trying to keep him calm is taking all my time, to the detriment of his sister too. I still think I would like to do it again, and I know so much more about the potential issues and the battles that it would be (maybe!) easier in some ways. But I know that I can't stretch myself any further, and even though both kids have often said they'd like a brother/sister that the reality is that they are emotionally still so young themselves that they would not cope. So therefore I wouldn't. I'm thinking about fostering after my 2 have grown-up - and I don't just mean at age 18, but when they are properly independent (age 25+ probably!).