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Doesn’t sound right to me, but then I’m a naturally suspicious person. I’d ask her outright why this sudden change of mind but I wouldn’t let her stay, personally.

Is there a Travelodge nearby you could book for her for a night? This would give you space to see her if you wanted. She is still very young. I spoke with our recently turned 18 yr old last week to ask if she would take the same decisions as she did when younger ..... she said she would not have done. She is mum to an 18 month old son. Hoping you enjoy your Xmas whatever happens. Johanna

The LA SW has responded today confirming they and her carer are aware of her cannabis habit and 'encouraging' her to reduce. The LA process strikes again! - They have said because of her age they can only educate her and her Make a Change SW will work with her to reduce, but they know she is funding using her weekly budget. State funded drug habit! She is 17 and taking Cannabis, is this illegal? What can the Police do?

I think police tend to concentrate on dealers. You can't control her actions much at that age, only your responses. I would make it clear to her that there will be no money at Christmas, or any valuable presents that she could sell. But you would love her to join you for a meal . No smoking of any sort in your house and if it happens you will book a taxi fo her early back to where she is staying. Then see if she changes her mind about coming ! If she does then you know what she was after. If allegations are possible you could maybe book a table for a meal out together in a public place, or ask a lonely neighbour to join you for the meal. Until you can trust her she is not ready to stay overnight. Those would be my boundary lines so she knows where she stands.

I am getting the impression that smoking a lot of pot is fairly common among teenagers at the moment. Mind you, I am not saying that's a good thing. I know teens who do it to self-medicate depression. Could that be an underlying reason? Did you feel any connection when you last saw her? Could she stay over at a friend's for Christmas to give you some space? She is still in the middle of puberty and her brain is completely rearranging itself. She might come through at the other end. Maybe you can find some sort of compromise? What would be the worst outcome and what could be the best?

I think having a first sleepover with you on Christmas Day is too much for you all - maybe there is a compromise - you pop over and see her for a short time or you choose another day over the festive period. I'd also think about what she gets for Christmas - I favour vouchers/physical gifts over cash... She does sound like our DD who is back in care and only gets in touch just before birthday/Christmas each year....

Hi, well I think she’s doing what she is for her own reasons. I would speculate that she is keen on money. I have bought lovely heart felt and carefully planned gifts and seen them for sale for 2/3 of the price in the CEX shop the next wk. Money isn’t easily come by here and so I ended up thinking I’d rather have given the £20 and him spent it on heaven knows what. Re Christmas. It’s tricky. We have Christmas here with Partridge but he arrives Christmas Eve. We have a really planned out morning and lunchtime mostly with other family at which he spouts a lot of porkies and other ‘did you know’ things he’s read online. Everyone rolls their eyes But appreciates he’s trying to do Family at any level. Then after the queens speech he’s off on his bike. Everything’s always 100% brilliant when I ask which I know isn’t true. But he’s doing ok in some aspects of life and in effect we have a few short hours of him being a bit annoying but not violent or swearing and that’s a success to me. With blossom Christmas at home wasn’t something she’d ever manage so she would do the lunch, board game (or the wii) and queens speech then back to her unit. We haven’t seen blossom for several years now and I’d be pretending if I said that Christmas was ever something she’s going to cope with. We have done the meet for bowling and McDonald’s and giving presents. Food is quite a good thing to give as its perishable and won’t sell in CEX But you do know you’ll get backlash for that as it’s not £

Thank you, We have decided to get her a present and also pick her up on XMAS day and drop her back.

Thanks for letting us know what you have decided. Best Wishes Pingu

I think you have made a wise decision. Christmas is so hard, so much emotion invested, for all families, not only ours! We spent one Christmas on the phone begging our AD to come home, her Dad would fetch her. We had her then 3 year old with us, but she refused. Not even for presents, in retrospect, we should have left her alone to make her own decions. Not quite the same as your situation, I know. Best of luck, don't expect too much though

AD is treating us and wider family quite badly and being abusive to us on social media, dragging up what was said during court process in 2016 (new audience being her new carer) while at the same time demanding very expensive XMAS presents from all. We have decided unless her behaviour improves it is no point in AD being at ours at XMAS as she would only ruin it for everyone else. We have said to AD we will see her either before or after XMAS when she can make the effort to get on a train (which she is quite happy to do when she wants to see her drug peddling 'friends') We are sick of being treated disrespectfully and making all the effort while she goes around without a care in the world, it really is demeaning. If she wants presents then she can make the effort to see her family. We are very torn at the moment. Rant over.

Personally I would just ignore the social media - come off it - don't respond - presumably that's why she is doing it - for a response / to see its effects on you? Just go with the new plan and don't engage in games (if you can avoid it)

I don't have any of my children on social media.....I don't want to be party to their dramas

AD has now involved her new SW team airing her grievances about XMAS and raising our concern about her drug habit. I have explained that the confidential forum of therapy is best placed for AD and too many uninformed 'adults' AD drags in just causes damage. I have stopped Social Media comms and told her new SW to get better informed by reading up complex case history. When will SWs ever learn about attachment issues, even 'parenting' once child has left home? Their processes simply makes situation worst for our children in the long term.

Looks like AD is still angry two days before XMAS. Raised concerns with Police intelligence officer last weekend who spoke with AD carer and they asked what SWs had done since I raised concerns in the summer. Forwarded all my emails, I said my main worry was class B drugs could turn into class A and sexual exploitation, considering in one year she will be 18. I gave names of all SW Managers. Not heard anything, so I shall resign to AD spending her first XMAS without her family. I feel very sad but knowing I have done everything in my power to protect her, even if it means she hates me, one day in the future I hope she will forgive me,

I'm so sorry you are going through this. And for your AD, I hope one day she understands her anger will only hurt her in the long run. I hope you can find some positivity and/or peace on on Christmas Day. You just have to hold on to the fact that you have done your very best.

((Hugs)) We have been through similar - and just wanted to say it often doesn't stay that way..... I wish you a peaceful Christmas xx

Really very difficult to know what to do but I do think you’re right to put that sw back to what they actually SHOULD be doing. They are totally awful sometimes. I hope you managed a good Christmas despite everything. I honestly raise a glass, close my eyes and wish Blossom a happy Christmas, wherever she may be. I hope by a miracle she may hear it. I do understand x