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Oh Nocturne - really sorry for your morning... nothing useful to say but sending you a big hug (((((N)))))

Poor you and all your family sending you hugs xxx

sounds like a hard timeare SWs supporting you?take care

So sorry to hear what a tough time you're having Nocturne & awful to hear you've been so hurt - it shouldn't happen. When he's so wound up will he go to his room or somewhere so that he can't hurt you.Is there any chance you could get a few hours break over the weekend to do something just for you? I've found it helps a little.Do you have a foster carers/adopters emergency support phone number so you can talk to someone about this?I do know how it feels, I've been there many times over the last 5 years and it's so tough.Sending hugs & letting you know I'll be thinking of you both over the weekend.Keep posting & let us know how it's going.

It sounds like you're having a hard time - I remember our AS having periods of outbursts that I never thought I could cope with. Over time these outbursts have become less and less frequent (as he's got older) and there is usually a trigger that's set him off. I've found having a cuppa with a friend that truly understands the pressures of what we've been through to help (a shoulder to cry)- also spending a bit of time by myself.My latest escapism is taking our dog out for a walk for an hour (rain or shine) - I can chat along to him and he doesn't answer back.Our AS is now 12 and rather hormonal - there is hope that over time your 5yr old will calm down.

Thanks to you all for your kind words and support.Yes, we are finally getting some support from SS, they have agreed to fund a theraplay professional and I am able to go to part time hours at work due to financial support they can offer. SS have also offered counselling for Dh and I as we are both now on pills from the doctors.DS trigger today was that he could not play with the little girl who lives next door, he blames me if she can not play and then goes to that place where anger takes over him. I also feel he has made an unhealthy attachment to this girl, more like an obsession then a friendship from his side.We did take him to his room as he was been very physical with me but that is when he damaged the door.We continue to hold onto the fact that he can not help his angry and with our love and support he will be the great little lad we know he can be when he is not been suffocated by his anger. In all your prep for adoption they never tell you REALLY how hard it can be, I do not think SS understand as they do not live it 24/7.DS all calm now, spent the afternoon re-grouping as a family, watching a dvd, eating popcorn and cuddling on the sofa. Role on bed time

I really empathise with your situation Nocturne, I had two like your ds and as they grew up, one settled down and the other did not.I sincerely hope your lad and your family can get intensive support to make this better NOW. Make sure the counselling is open ended not just six sessions, I hope you can really offload and not be judged or criticised, as so often happens if the counsellor is not adoption trained.Glad the afternoon got better.Ob64.

Nocturne I'm so pleased you managed to have a cosy DVD time together. Hope bedtime goes smoothly & you can have a calm adult time to relax.

NocturneThat sounds hard - glad to hear you are getting help.I did wonder if your son has ever had a full developmental assessment? He sounds very like my elder daughter (though she is not so violent). She has adhd and is now being assessed for autism. There is a type of autism called PDA, which my other daughter has - one of the symptoms can be an obsession with other people rather than objects, which is the usual way with asd.I know that asd sounds alarming - it is just really another way of understanding behaviours.Many adopted children end up with an asd diagnosis. It may be that they inherit asd traits from birth parents with undiagnosed asd. It may not be down to 'attachment' at all.We saw attachment specialists with our daughter and it got us absolutely nowhere. I am just mentioning it to you just in case it rings any bells.Hope you have had a better day today.

we have an issue with the children next door as well. Fortunately there are three of them so Simba is fixated on one child, but I also get a lot of difficult behaviour when they arent around. I try and limit the time he spends there, clear times when playtime is over, but its hard to manage. Lucky for me, the parents both have brothers, neices and nephews who are ASD, learning difficulties so are understandingGood that you are getting some support. We have 'sleepovers' sometimes, popcorn, dvd in my bed - actually a bit of a trick to get an early night if Simba has been overdoing it, helps a lot

It does sound like you need some help. While you're waiting one thing I've seen suggested on a course I went on as "safe" way to deal with anger is the following: Have a supply of newspaper and practise this when calm first ready to use when angry. You hold a sheet of newspaper tight at the edges and when you say you are ready they have to hit it and break it. You repeat this until they are worn out. It is supposed to help them be able to use up their anger with out dong any damage and your holding the paper is you saying I can take it, I can deal with this.We haven't used it very consistently and ours don't get anywhere near as bad as yours. However, they enjoyed it and it quickly distracted them. We still get "I want to hit paper" requests when they see newspaper rather than when they're angry.