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Hi - in a way it's a pity that comment wasn't made earlier on in your home study and it could of be discussed fully. You don't mention how old your bc is. In a small,way I perhaps agree with him. I "missed" the statistic that disruptions are higher when the forever family has BC until our LO was almost being placed ! There is 6 years between our BC & LO and our LO was only a year when he came. For us that gave us a huge help/step in the right direction on day 1 of placement. Looking back (over the 2 years since) I think life would of been impossible for all of us if our AC was older say over 2 years. May be we would of come out the other side maybe not :( LO was a baby and as such did not compete with BC. Even now 2 years later BC doesn't miss out on clubs & play dates. I have a good support network which enables me to take him (and his friends) to all these things & parents friends bring him back. As hubby is working and not always home in time. On one of the other post someone has said (my huge apologies if I am misquoting them) that there BC is looking forward to moving to senior school as the school ask the BC to help "calm her AS down" and change her clothes if she has an accident. For our. Bc this would be an huge responsibility & as caring as he is I do not think he has the maturity he is a little younger I think but the situation could still arise. Take heart my love your families child is out there and I honestly believe these periods of waiting are for a purposes as tortuous as they are No idea if my ramblings help but just my view & in not much order ;)

I brought this up at prep as it affects me too and they said it all depends on the child and the child's needs - they don't actively choose childless families... And I guess there are a number of people who have adopted kids & go on to adopt non-related kids. I also brought up the disruption stats for those with birth children and they said the stats were old and they were hoping outcomes would improve as it has been recognised that more post-adoptive support is needed. So don't give up, keep trying... I'm assuming you're on the national register too? I would also talk to your sw about it. Good luck.

We adopted , then adopted again, it worked because of the personalities of our two, and the age difference helped, also that ds1 was fairly mature, but he has lost out a bit in mum time and cash!

We don't have a birth child but we did find the matching process harder and more long winded the second time we adopted. So, for example, we couldn't consider lots of children as their sw wanted them placed as only children or only with much older children, whereas our older child was quite young. Then there is the issue of whether the new child will fit into the family life you already have, whereas when you adopt as a childless family, you can be much more flexible and open. So there are issues anyway in adding to a family through adoption. Possibly some sws will be biased against families with bc, feeling like the parenting will be very different or that some might find it harder to continue with a placement that adversely affects their bc, or as you say, that the child needs extra attention (and I do think these concerns are often valid). All I can say is, if you want it, hang on in there. You will find the right child eventually. We did, though there were times it felt impossible it would ever happen.

Hello, I hope im replying in the right place! not sure looks a bit like Im replying to last comment.Im replying to Danto, just to say I know what you mean. We was approved probably 6 months ago, and SW are preferring people with no birth children, I understand a little but . We as a family inc two birth children have a lot to offer, and I'm almost ready to call it a day. I wish we had heard this part of process going to be so difficult earlier on. Ange x

You obviously feel very disillusioned, and I am sorry for that. But you do say you were approved only several months ago. In adoption time scales that really isn't long. We waited 23 months for our second match. Our dd was nearly 7 when our second child arrived. She too knew for ages we wanted a sibling for her - we had to play it down for ages. I am guessing you want the two to grow up together? Well ours are great company for each other despite over a four year gap. They are also competitive so it works better than I think a smaller gap would. Don't give up hope. The waiting time is by far the worst part.

Hi we are matched with a child who is due to move in before chirstams we have only been approved for 2 months and also have a BC our BC is alomst 14 years older than AC. One thing i would say is i am not sure why op you are leaving the matching to your sw i found espically having a BC that we got much better results once we started looking ourselfs as we know our BC and know our family best no point the sw picking out who you think you might like Be pro active and start looking more your self also getting down to the activity days . To many adoper delagte matching to sw who may of only known them for a few months i wouldnt let my best friend who i Have known for 25 years pick my husband so i defiantly would not let a sw who i have know for a year or so pick my child.

I think also op MILLY makes a fab point being a foster carer for over 7 years and now adopting i have never found that a close age gaps really works In a ideal world it would be nice for them to grow together but in the real world on balance it may create more issues . If you have a bigger gap you get to enjoys both children in there own right also its just less competitive especially if adopting the same sex children

We have 2 BS (5 & 7) and our AD is 1 in 8 days, we DIDN'T go through our local authority (choosing a neighboring one instead) as they wanted our youngest BS to be 7 and the gap had to be 2 years minimum. We also like Danbo didn't want to wait and almost have a "second" family so we chose the authority we did for a very good reason. Our eldest gets on with AD fantastically, our youngest BS has some jealousy issues, but then he did before AD arrived as he is a real attention seeker. we hoped our 3 would grow up together rather than as 1/3 & 2/3 as two units.

We have 2 BC and 2AC. The BC were 8 and 6 when our first AC was placed, then aged 1. They were 13 and 11 when his sister was placed (then aged almost 1). Many social workers are not keen on placing children when there are BC but if you think this is a problem, change your SW. It is, however, true, that fewer children will be suitable for you if you have BC. We, for example, rejected children who would have been too disruptive for our BC - for example over-friendly sexually abused children would not have been suitable for them. You also have to consider the demands on your time and how this will impact on your BC - I certainly have far less time to spend helping the BC with homework as I am trying to get the AC to bed. That said, there are also benefits and our oldest AC has learned a lot from having older brothers and now (at the ages of 14, 12 and 6) they are occasionally allowed to go out for short journeys without us (eg to the sweetshop or to his drama group), which he loves as he feels he is being one of the big boys. It has made my BC more understanding/tolerant of children with issues (our oldest AC has mild learning difficulties). So advantages and disadvantages. If you are with a private agency, you should definitely visit all of the adoption fairs out there and if you see profiles you like then talk to the social workers. There's bound to be someone who thinks that the child that they are seeking to place will benefit from siblings. That's how we found our first AC.

My husband has 4 BC who are 16, 20, 21 and 24. The youngest lives with us and our SW doesn't think there will be a problem finding a sibling group of 2 for us to adopt as we have had a great deal of experience bringing up siblings. She did warn us that BC were often the reason adoptions broke down, but as ours are older it should be much easier matching us with AC.

3 words Where's the evidence? Also ended up on the wrong side of the class comment here But when we were trying to get help for our ac they said we were too middle class! There is a huge reluctance to place ac with families with bc The stats aren't good And anecdotal evidence too Plus the Hadley study Think you should ask what are they looking for you to do?

"Where's the evidence?" Thanks.

Hi Pear tree What is the Hadley study called? Ive tried googling it but can't find it? Thanks Wig

Hi The Hadley study The costs and implications of non infant adoptions There's a heap of new research they've just completed into the post adoptive picture around the country But plenty of published already things too.

http://www.bristol.ac.uk/sps/research/projects/completed/2002/rk5822/rk5822executivesummary.pdf

Thankyou. X

We have 3 birth children and were approved at the end of January. Today we are meeting the foster carers of the little girl who we're hoping to adopt. It was never seen as a negative thing that we already had birth children, although there would be some children who would not be a good match for us. Our SW kept saying how much experience we have as parents and that can only be a positive thing.

We have a birth child who is 5 and are in the very early days of placement with a 16 month old. Having an older sibling was thought to be a good thing for our little boy.