Edited 17/02/2021
Feelings
selg
May 20, 2012 09:22
HiI just wanted to share my feelings with people who might just understand.I am white and my lo is black Carribean (DH is mixed race white/black Carribean but had no contact with his father and that side of the family until he was 24, and his step dad is white). LO has been home for a year and a few days now and I was just comparing how life is to how I expected it to be while driving to work the other day.One thing I have noticed is that because LO''s heritage is in the Carribean I feel a little like mine is to. I suppose I now have ''family'' ties to there, and I have a strong interest in the culture there and have researched it in great depth.It''s a weird feeling I suppose, I have discussed it with DH and he just doesn''t get it, even though he was brought up by white parents and family he has always had the knowledge of his Carribean heritage and just because he doesn''t choose to acknowledge it on the outside, he''s always known it deep down. This new area of what I feel is my culture (if it''s my childs then surely it has to be mine by default!) has been a welcome addition to my life but it''s so difficult to explain!I think it was possibly what the SWs were getting at all the way through HS! That we have to be inclusive about heritage and culture even though it isn''t ours by our parentage, it''s ours because we are parenting a child with that heritage. And we have to own/claim it for ourselves as we will be living with it for the rest of our lives.Thanks for reading, don''t worry about posting, I was just putting my feelings/thoughts on ''paper''.xxx
jmk
May 20, 2012 12:35
Gosh Selg I so get it! I am the same, I am white and my other half was/is black, our DD's are mixed race and I am the one who has kept up their culture, through reading, music, food etc. OH couldn't care less about it and now that we have split up I feel it is entirely my duty to keep the link with their culture. My ex may be black himself nut he has no interest in where he came from or his family - He doesn't even know half his cousins names. I was always the one who was more interested in his side of the family and his Mother used to tell me all about his side of the family. I did a family tree once to record who was who etc - (It's a very big family). OH showed no interest whatsoever. Now that we have split up, (due to him having an affair with a white colleague), I feel it even more my responsibility as I suspect that over time he will see our DD's less and less. Sadly they don't really seem to miss him much as he wasn't that involved with them and I suppose I'm feeling that it's up to me to keep them in touch with their roots even more now than I did when their Dad lived with us.So yes, I get what you are saying, maybe because we are forced to looking at culture/colour difference we are more aware of the importance of acknowledging it than people who are just born into it IYSWIM.
Edited 17/02/2021
jmk
May 20, 2012 12:37
Have just seen the "nut" which should have been "but", but it has made me laugh, maybe it's subliminal.
Edited 17/02/2021
loadsofbubs
May 20, 2012 19:17
i'm like you jmk, the white partner. my ex has had very little to do with the three children for the last 15 years, bits and pieces but nothing major and certainly nothing culturally relevant. my two big kids (24 and 21 now) really are not that interested in their asian culture beyond the food! but AS is very proud of his heritage and is interested in anything chinese/japanese/korean/thai etc (he's chinese and doesn't always separate the different asian cultures!).
Edited 17/02/2021
Archived
This topic is archived. New posts are not allowed.
