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Application process

Clarren March 20, 2021 18:01


My wife and I have started the application process to be adoptive parents. It is some that really excites us. We both have children from previous relationships but are unable to have children together due to medical reasons that have left us both infertile.

I am however really concerned about the agency getting in contact with my ex partner. The relationship was sour from the get go and left me with PTSD after years of systematic mental abuse and isolation. It did however produce 2 children which I still have regular contact with and have alway been in their lives. The Ex has remained confrontational even to this day, I have no contact with her baring the occasional email ref the children and all visits for my children and pre mandated by court order with timings confirmed from my eldest child. I have recovered from the trauma of the relationship (mainly with help from my wife) and am a stronger and better person now but am worried that the animosity from my ex will cause issues for us as we try to adopt. She has repeatedly attempted to case issues for me within my family and work and I know she will go out of her way to cause me upset because I dared to leave her.

I wondered if anyone could offer any advice or be may someone has been through a similar situation to us.

Bee March 21, 2021 11:54


Welcome to the process, We said when we started the adoption journey, just tell the truth and trust the process. The Adoption Agency will not just rely on the testimony or view of one friend or relative and showing that you have experienced difficult times in relationships and have come through them will show that you can deal with adversity and understand difficult situations.

Our SW said that they were dubious about us adopting due to relationship histories and they sent us for an assessment session with a Psychologist to talk about our history as children, as a couple and in between as well as why we wanted to adopt now. It was actually a very interesting and revealing experience and Psychologist recommended us to continue in the process. Our lovely AS has been with us for over 7 years now!

There are loads of things to worry about during the process as its very emotional and also quite private that sort of stuff the adoption agency ask and get you to do, but go with the flow, tell the truth and be yourselves

All the best


Sally March 21, 2021 17:45


My hubby and I were approved for adoption last year and our CW was great in explaining that although they speak to past partners they don't take things as gospel, Before they contact your references and previous partner you will get to talk through your past (we had this split over about 6 meetings I think), they want to know all about you, your wife and your family as well as previous relationships and soo much more. They will go into alot of detail around that, all of which will be kept confidential so don't worry about them sharing your feelings and details (speak to your CW if you feel nervous about this, I am sure they will be able to reassure you). When they speak to your previous partner they will ask questions about your relationship and you as a person but they will take into account what you have already told them. We were very honest in our assessment meetings, its felt a little un-natural sharing soo much about ourselves but it gave the best picture about us and our past. We often said in the process that they know more about us now than anyone we know.

Try not to be nervous about the process, this is an exciting process which yes has its frustrating times but you will get through it together. While you may feel things in your past may reflect in a particular way your case worker is human, they have heard alot of peoples life stories and will be able to see your personal growth from your past to now. I wish you both all the best in your journey.

Rosie March 28, 2021 15:03

I also found this really emotive and difficult. In the end my ex husband didn’t respond to the letter that was sent to him so this was the best outcome I could hope for. The whole process is very emotive and demanding. I found all the the ex husband chat very distressing.


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