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Thank you for sharing this. I also read an article about this at the weekend and have to admit that my heart sank a little - despite the evidence that I see on a daily basis. The basic concept is, when you think about it, completely awful - if correct then equality of opportunity for people of different class would be pointless.

I think that there is something to epigenetics, but I also read something once that the life you live also affects your DNA so it's not actually that straightforwards. I believe that too! With a bit of luck/effort we are improving things, not just for our kids, but for their kids too - obviously things do replay for some of our kids though. I am currently sitting in silence with my 11 year old boy who is reading a book about biology (his choice). A far cry form where his BPs were at that age. My 16 y.o. AD is just back from her dance classes, got a lift from her friends' mum and likes having quite a sheltered life. AT 13 her BM was running away, drinking and had heavy social work involvement. I don't know how things will pan out for my two, but they are not quite on the same path as their parents. Having said that, My boy is angry, my girl is vulnerable - in other circumstances, they could easily replay their BPs lives. It's all really interesting stuff though. x

Hi Daffin, I went to a big conference in London on epigentics. It’s really interesting because the researchers are busy working on the trauma flowing through the generations research. Lots of interesting research ongoing. When we adopted in the early 00’s it was all about environment - none was genetic. But the scientific evidence now is pretty clear. It’s mostly down to epigentics and other inherited factors combined with a set of traumas that set things spinning.

I understand that genetics are important - and my understanding is that epigenics are where genes are switched on by environmental factors. So, the interplay between genes and environment. But these things only ever show what a child’s (or adult’s) starting point is. Surely, ‘free will’ exists. It isn’t all written in the stars. Or in our genes. We can work hard, or not. We can learn techniques to manage our mental health, or not. And then there’s chance. Having a particularly inspiring teacher at school can lead you to take a particular career path. Meeting a certain person or having a particular experience can lead you to specialise in a particular field - or lead you astray and into criminality. I don’t believe in fate.

Grrr. The edit button’s disappeared! I was going to say... I don’t believe in fate alone. We are affected by our genes. And by chance. And we can also influence our lives by the decisions we take. Others influence them too.

Yes. Plus there are certain things that are almost certainly hereditary like adhd, being outgoing, ASD. But it’s those things in combination with catastrophic losses, early repeated trauma, you know the not enough of what they need and too much that they don’t tips the balance. If your wiring & experiences make you see the world as a terrible frightening place you’re unlikely to make the best of the good opportunities that come your way.

Absolutely. And I fear for my son’s future for good reason. As clr1 says, this new book will influence thinking about public policy - early intervention for the most deprived families, efforts to level the playing field and equalise opportunities etc.

I think that where we adopters can help is by channelling genetic traits in a more positive direction than perhaps would have occurred in the birth family and by offering different opportunities. My girls come from a pretty rough area - just by taking them out of that area their life chances were enhanced. The adults and peers in their lives have helped them make good choices even with their relatively poor genetic inheritance. I do think you have to invest a huge amount of resources in these kids to achieve this though. I genuinely believe you can't parent them like say your friends parent their children. It requires huge inputs.

It’s interesting. I have half sibs and an unrelated by birth child. And the older my half sibs get the more similar personality wise they become, though they would both deny it. Similar traits - more pronounced in her and, I gather, more pronounced again in the sibling that followed. Both quick to anger, but both manage it differently. Both have struggled with the same aspects of academic work. But with 17 years of nurture bigun is doing well in school and has ambitions to go to Uni. Which is something he would never have achieved in his birth family. And then there’s middly who is entirely different - not without his issues but totally different personality. Different skills, academically bright, very artistic - which has to be nature rather than nurture. I guess the difference is that those skills he has have been supported and nurtured so he is doing well. I used to think nurture could fix everything - and I do still think it can make a huge difference - but I don’t think our kids can escape their genes either. It makes me wonder how different life could have been for their birth families had circumstances been different?

I think genetics have a huge part to play. You can't change a child's aptitudes and personality. But as an adopter you can give them experiences and encouragement they wouldn't otherwise have had. And that gives them aspirations and expectations. Last year when dd1 started college she commented on the lack of life experiences some of her peers had. When we went on a "big" holiday in the summer, she thanked us for the opportunity! She isn't academic like my nieces and nephews but she has skills they don't have. I mentioned that she wasn't that good or interested in X the other day and my sister said she was much better at it than her kids. Being adopted has given her the chance to develop and use her skills. She's already in a much better place than her bps at her age and hasn't (yet anyway) indulged in any of their undesirable behaviours.

I had a chat about this recent;y with a friend of mine who was adopted as a baby. He is now in his 30s and traced his birth mother. He said that personality wise he and his birth mother have similarities. Fun loving, always joking etc. Apparently he was a;ways the class clown at school and he can now see who he got this from. However, he said that he is very like his adopted parents in his principles and in the way he lives. He is very stable, is happily married with two kids and is a wonderful dad. By contrast his birth mother has always lives and continues to live a very chaotic life, and isn’t a stable influence. Xx

The genetics issue - and epigenetics in particular - is really interesting. I am an adoptee as well as having an adopted grandchild, and I've really puzzled over nature/nurture and how it all works. I did make contact with my birth family and we are all very obviously a similar 'type'. We have interests and skills in common, and I can see how, had I been brought up with them, I might have turned out. But like freddie2's adopted friend, my lifestyle, values, politics, identity, are down to my adoptive family. This is where I feel comfortable, loved, 'at home'. It's fascinating to watch my adopted grandchild, such a bright little spark and absolutely blossoming. But knowing that in the birth family environment, that clever, sensitive little one might be set along a very different path.