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I don't know if there has been any research but anecdotally after spending years on these boards, I would say yes. Like many other pressures, the pressure of parenting adopted children will uncover any cracks in a relationship.....

Did a quick search: http://www.theadoptionmagazine.com/marriage-and-adoption/

Yes I read that article. Most of it seemed to be about the pressures early on which you would expect. It was there, but not a lot about the long term strain put on couples that adopt. Plus we did try to get help with the SS but as most people would understand here how little they do help once the court order is through. Your prity much on your own then. From my experience these children need on going support which is hard to get and a constant fight thus putting strain on martial relationships. I thought I had a strong marriage but it’s breaking point was found.

I think the hardest time is not at the beginning but later on - teenage years when you can be dealing with some very serious issues you are not expecting and which can often be way out of your everyday experience - it's very hard to talk then and at the same time very little fun times with your kids or time on your own you can relax together

This feels a bit like where we are at. " We haven't had the time to think about us for 3 years with dealing with AS's issues. We neglected each other and are marriage." We just do not have time for each other and have started talking about separating. We also thought we had a marriage that could weather the storm but it has taken a beating. We are trying to turn the ship around with counselling. If the worst happens and we do end up separating / divorcing, what thoughts would people have about handling this is the most sensitive ways with the kids and then co-parenting from two houses? Are there legal issues associated with SEN/adoption?

I think someone said it’s similar to the rate in families with disabled children. I know many many divorcees from these boards over the years. Many seem to split up in the first few years. Others seem to split when the kids hit teens / young adulthood which often is about years of marital neglect due to the kids ongoing, relatively unfixed issues. I have been a single person with young AC and although hard going I found it pretty liberating actually. Latterly I met and married MR PT and despite several major crisis we have stuck it. Please take great care and don’t neglect the cost of psychotherapy and counselling as a cost going forward. These elements really helped me keep on keepin on. All the best to you

We did get advice on maintain our relationship. Initially as part of prep training. We were warned against " splitting" as in where the child sets one parent against another. It's apparently quite common, and if you let it happen and you do split, then the child of course is also the loser. We had to constantly be on our guard to work together and back each other's decisions, show a united front , and deliberately show ( in front of the kids) our care for each other, and that we weren't going to let any child divide us. We had to really spell it out and stick up for each other. Neither of our kids had seen a normal family set up with parents who care about each other, and a normal family " pecking order" of parents being in charge ( benevolently) not children. We also were advised to find time for each other without the kids, no matter what it takes. That we should somehow, somewhere find a babysitter, or even take time off occasionally maybe when the kids are at school. Rule 1 was " no talking about the kids" during that precious time. Prioritise each other. If necessary, problem solve together but have switch off time. Our church marriage prep also came in handy - as in don't carry grievances overnight, apologise / make it up and you will sleep better ! Oh and Mars and Venus book had some good tips about how some people need to retreat to their mental " cave" to deal with stress while some often just need to talk. It pointed out that when folks just need to talk, some go into problem solving mode in response, which is of course another stressor. I had to point out to hubby that I just needed to share, not expecting him to solve any of it. Best Wishes Pingu