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Ask why the therapist advises this. I am sure there is a very good reason.Apparently there is something called a 'trauma bond' between siblings. Other people on here know far more about this than me (we only adopted one!)The only thought I had was that assuming it is better for the children to sleep in separate rooms, it would be easier to do that straight away when they move to you. That is just the way things will be in your house. Rather than separating them later if there are problems associated with them being together. Even on a practical level, I would think it would be easier forn them to have there own rooms. If one needs time alone to calm down for example, they have their own space in which to do it.

realised that your question was more general than just the bedroom issue!I certainly think that asking to have the reasoning behind any advice would be good. So perhaps starting off on that footing would be the best thing.Also, is one year enough?

Hi ThereWe adopted siblings - placed only a month ago so early days.Our SW and LA were adamant that they should replicate what they had in the FC house. So we were strongly advised to leave them in the same room. In our case I believe that they give each other constancy and reassurance. So I think its made a real difference to them settling in the early days.We were asked to make a room available for the time when we would need to separate them so that we had that ready - but they are only 20 & 31 months so won't be for a while yet.I tried to get my head around trauma bond when we were deciding whether to go for siblings. I think that mostly applies where they children have been through trauma together and our LO hasn't ever lived with BC. They had lived together in FC for about 10 months and bonded well.I think its a difficult one to really know until you've been with the children. I certainly feel now that I wish I had been more assertive - I think at the late stages of assessment and matching i got very concerned that they'd say no, and therefore I became really compliant and did everything they said, including a few things I thought were daft!I have certainly found that, since intros, we have been much more trusted to make the right decision and tell SS - rather than them saying everything.I think you should certainly speak your concerns strongly and openly (making sure you don't sound emotional as they hate that!)And you may even ask if this is a requirement of the placement if you feel really strongly. If you are wondering whether you havea choice - trust your SW - and ask him/her that questionGood luck - its a ball once you get past all that business!C

Firstly Congratulations Curiosity on having your two LO's finally home! How wonderful it must feel.You're right my only question needs to be is this a condition of the placement. If it is then we have no choice but to comply.Sometime it feels as if SW assume we have no intelligence, insight or understanding of children at all.But how exciting to think( fingers and toes crossed) that we will be experiencing what you are in the not too distant months.

we adopted siblings. The biggest behaviour issue we faced was their attachment to each other. It was not a natural sister attachment - it was a parent-child attachment. The older parenting the younger. Breaking this attachment down and building up healthy attachments to us as parents and to each other as siblings is still a work in progress 5 years on. Having them in the same bedroom would have made it impossible in our situation.Barge

Lots of SWs involved in the placement of my LO and they don't always agree with each others either! (not to mention with myself). It's ok have your own reasons to disagree, best is to listen to everyone's viewpoints (if not now, might come handy at some stage!), discuss your concerns in a way that shows that you are thinking it through, seeking advice and being flexible on solutions. Then perhaps keep both options open and go as per what the children want (or can cope with) when time comes? Maybe they could start together, then introduce the idea of separate rooms after they've settled a bit? Either way, once they're in your home no one will tell you off for doing what they're most comfortable with, therefore you don't need to have a fight about it...

HiIt very well may result in a lot of distress for the children - but that could be for lots of reasons. They might be outraged at someone else imposing this change on them and be determined that other people can't do things like this to them, rather than it being distress as you and I might imagine it, for example.How do you feel about distress? Some people really don't like it and want to do whatever it takes to make it go away. But like some of the others have said, taking them through their distress here may actually be what's necessary.If you keep them together now, they may well perpetuate some patterns that you, and the therapist, would want to change.I guess you WILL get a lot of distress from not keeping them together - the thing is, it might well be in their best interests.My two slept together when they were placed and one of my children was dominating the other one so completely - she more or less took over the bedroom and was in charge of when they woke or went to sleep. It was so much better when we split them up, though the controlling child was furious.Have a chat with the therapist. Do you know if there are any sibling issues going on?

We adopted 2 brothers (3-1/2 and 2 at placement). They were in the same room at FC and we kept them in the same room for several months; once the older boy started to wake the younger one in the morning we separated them. We didn't rush into the separation. We prepared the room (older AS was moving) and then waited until a good time. Younger AS was ready for the move before older AS. They sleep in the same room when we have visitors or on holidays.If I were you I would want the option of deciding myself, but start off with what they are doing at the FC. Ours probably have a mild trauma bond but nothing compared to what others are dealing with. Best Wishes, BdF

Flosskirk I know what you mean about the distress actually enabling change, this is exactly what the therapist is suggesting by separating them into individual rooms. But I have two issues with it.1. I have not seen enough evidence that there is a trauma bond between them. 2. The previous adopters who disrupted fairly quickly put them in separate rooms which upset the children. Its going to be hard enough as it is to reassure the children we wont 'give them back' like the last time, and so I don't want to repeat anything the last placement did.In some cases I can see distress is necessary to break patterns of behaviour. But my gut instinct is saying this is not one of those cases.Belle I tend to agree with the no need to rush into anything approach. I feel the new therapist, who has not met us or the children - is being to hasty, she may well tell us we are making a rod for our own backs, but I would rather that than have 2 little ones in their separate rooms scared and anxious that this placement was going just like the last one. I am finding it helpful to read peoples responses as it will help me keep a cool head when I finally meet this therapist!

I think you have to be very carefull not to come to the conclusion that seperating the children was a huge issue during the first placement. I pressume a lot more was going on. I think you should be prepaired that those children have huge attachment issues and an unhealthy relationship and work from there. If it turns out that they are alright than nothing is lost by preventing difficult situations developing.I think that you are at this moment not in a position to have a stronmg opinion about what is in the childrens best interest, do not forget a lot of placements are lovely the first few weeks, than the real issues are becoming clear. Ofcourse everything might be alright, let hope so, but the people where the children were placed before you had also the best intentions, did what they thought was best. And somehow the children did not respond the way they had expected. Often that is for a reason, and the reason might not solely lay by the previous carers.If I would be in your situation I would follow up the advise to start of with. And if one of the children get distressed than you are there to smoothe the child. Often WE have all sort of ideas coming from our own backgrounds, and they often do not really match the childs needs. After they move in their relationship is no longer the most important for a very long time to come, the relationship with you parent(s) is the most important thing to develop.

Hi Mudlark - congratulations on the upcoming placement. I think you've had some really good advice, in particular to try to get more of an explanation about why you're being given this advice, and also not to let the issue of whether or not they are sleeping in the same room get out of proportion.Our three ADs came home aged 3, 4 and 6 five years ago. From my experience (and I don't think I'm unusual) bedtimes are likely to be difficult and stressful. Having a sort out recently I found the earnest notes DH and I had made a few weeks in trying to work out the "perfect" bedtime routine. A few weeks later we realised the awful truth - that there isn't one! Something may work well one night, and then the next night you do exactly the same and all hell breaks loose....Anyway, I say this not to put you off but to say that there will be times when it is difficult and times when you question whether you are doing it right. Personally I think I would find it easier to stick with what I was doing if I were following the professional's advice, assuming that the reasons for that advice were logical.LB

Thank you all for your advice it's all very much appreciated. We shall await with interest the meeting with the Therapist. Mudlark

I had two LO's who were sharing a room in FC and I planned to give them their own rooms when they moved in. SW advised us to keep them together for a while and I am so glad I did. They were two frightened little children and they needed eachother as comfort during what for them was a scary time. I think they stayed together for about 6 months before I gradually moved the youngest one out - moving things bit by bit, puting his toys in there, starting to get him dressed in the new room and finally moving his bed. It does sound like you have a good support package lined up but do remember that you need to claim these children. They will be your children, not the SW's or the therapists. By all means listen to advice but ultimately you are the parent and you have to go with your gut.