Hi
We have a BC (older) and an AC.
When BC used to get frustrated or angry, he used to say things like 'You're a mean mummy' or 'My friends Mum doesn't make him do this' ..... you get the idea.
When our AC gets frustrated or stressed out they say things like 'My birth mum would have let me do this I wish I was there instead of here' or 'I hate you and I wish I could live in another family as you are horrid'!
These are both words of children who are angry or frustrated, but BD would never have thought of saying he wanted to live elsewhere as where else would he go? He only ever had one family...the grass is always greener and for BC that was , at the time of his frustration, his friend's mum. For AC its a whole other family that he has very little memory of (taken into care at aged 1 and then fostered for well over a year before joining our family), but its a get out, or a thing to throw at you to vent frustration at the situation. I think that the more 'nasty' the comment that the more frustrated AC must be.
AC has told me recently that I am the best Mum in the world and he is so glad that we are his family (melty heart xx)... but its only a matter of time before he tells me he hates me again and wants to go back to BM 'where I was happy'.
Kids are kids, I think the insults or mean words the chose to say are just based on their experiences to date. I try not to think about the words they are saying (as I'd end up in floods of tears sometimes) but try and remind myself that they are venting their stress, anxiety, anger, frustration etc and that if I can act calmly to it I am showing them that their feeling is fine, and I am not rising to the bait. .....and maybe have a good cry later in the privacy of the loo!
x